I have a fantasy. This is a fantasy I have with you. Is it the first time we meet? Is it the second? Or is it the hundredth? That does not matter. What matters is we meet. I can see you. I see you from across the way. Other bodies separate us. A sea of people between where the other is. Our eyes meet. I can feel your energy surge through me. A smile breaks your lips. That smile is like a sunshine. It lifts the clouds in my heart and warms me from the inside. I cannot help but smile back. A grin that I have not had upon my visage in quite some time.
We dart towards each other, both excited for the other's embrace. I want you. I want nothing else but you in this very moment. To feel your arms around me and mine around you. Our bodies collide and we laugh. Your expression is that of pure joy and mine is of nothing but admiration for you. I can feel my eyes tear up, but I fight them back. My joyous droplets retain within my eyes as my forehead is pressed upon yours. Our hands instinctively cup each other's face. Finally, our lips touch as we share a passionate exchange. In our brief kiss, I can feel a spark leave through them and through your body as I silently express to you how I feel.
As we part from this embrace, my fingers interlock with yours. It feels right like this is how they belong, what they were made for. I give your palm a squeeze within our shared grasp, once more signaling to you my emotions. I cannot help but allow this wave of joy to wash over me and engulf my very being. You bring me a happiness I once thought I lost forever. We then walk. We walk talking about whatever topic comes to mind. We talk about our day, our hopes, and our dreams. It is a pleasant conversation. I can't help but feel giddy while I am with you.
We finally make it to an open field, a park. We exchange mischevious glances. Troublesome smiles take hold of our lips as we take off in a dead run. We take turns chasing the other around in a playful expression of our courtship. It matters not who wins. Eventually, we fall to the grass. The turf tickling our exposed flesh as once again we explode with laughter. It is the truest and most beautiful expression of joy. Our laughter frees us of our cares, or worries, the darkness in our hearts. You mock my silly laugh, and I mock you back. You try to glare and frown at me, but you cannot. I triumphantly laugh once again capturing your image in a memory forever. I cannot help but feel safe within this moment. I gaze into your eyes and feel at home. I can feel an entire history of love filling my soul.
Sitting up we lazily crawl over to a basket, it is filled with various treats and foods. We sit, filling our stomachs. Occasionally we feed one another. People take notice of us. Some are jealous, wishing they had what we have. Others upset at our public displays of affection. Some look on in admiration, happy for our happiness, finding joy in our sharing one another. I care not for what these others think. I just want this moment to last forever with you.
The day turns into evening. We take to the town. Dressed to kill, we both look like a million bucks. We go to the theater for a show. A story unfolds in front of us and musical numbers fill our ears. I pay more attention to your reactions than what we had intended to see. Every twitch of your lips brings me joy. My hand cannot help but find yours, folding in once more, reminding me that this is what our hands were made to do. my thumb playfully caresses yours. I cannot help myself. Your presence brings it out in me, this playful nature that I once had. I feel like a child again, experiencing the world anew.
We are now at home. Our tired and weak bodies find themselves upon the bed. I want you physically. I want to feel our hips buck up against one another in a rhythm that only lovers know. I want our naked flesh to be cooled by the night and the moans of pleasure to be the soundtrack of this dance of passion. But we do not. I would rather us just hold each other instead. We don't need to express our love such. I just want you close. Our bodies fit together like a puzzle. All I want to feel your warmth. I feel your heartbeat. I pretend it is only beating for me. I sing to you as you slowly fall into a slumber. My eyes close, capturing the image of you sleeping. A subtle smile splashed upon your lips. As I drift off to dream of you I can feel our souls merge and we are one. A perfect end to a perfect day.
This is my fantasy. As the fantasy ends I feel the harshness of reality return. I feel the hot warm tears stream down my cheek as I can feel the cracks in my already broken heart pull apart once more. The hollow feelings return and the window to that happiness I lost closes once more. I will never get to be with you. I know this reality, but I can't help what my heart feels, what it wants.
You fill my life with a sunshine of joy. Thoughts of you entertain my soul as I drone through my day. My thoughts will dwell on how you feel about me, and if you even think of me. I like to think you do, but it is a lie I tell myself, a lie I can't help but tell myself. I know not how you feel about me. A small part wants to know, hoping your feelings are similar to my own, but the rest of me doesn't want to know. The false hopes are what I take comfort in. Illusions of a fantasy that I toy with dance within my heart as I once again lead myself up for disappointment. I wish I didn't feel this way, but I cannot help myself. My untamed feelings and thoughts that dwell in and are guided by my heart do not listen to reason.
We are but two ships in the night, passing through the waters. I know this is how it is and nothing more, but I will forever be thankful we got to share the ocean for that moment. It made me forget my ills. It made me forget the pessimistic views I have upon myself. I will carry this bitter-sweetness with me for the rest of my mortal coil. I will always remember you. I will remember your smile, your happy visage. Even though I am not near, no matter where I am in life I will look to the stars and I will listen and feel for your heartbeat. It may not be for me, but it will beat to let me know you are okay, let me know you are still here. I will take comfort in that at least. I hope you can feel mine back to remind you that you are loved, that you are cared for, and that you will always be special to me. For you have touched my heart and I will never forget, never. For this, I will forever remain thankful. For you provided me with a moment, a small brief moment, I was reminded what happiness was. That happiness was you.
