Carter frowned, ”I’m not scared of you Jaxon. Was I worried, yes. And for a valid reason. But you sound like such a f***ing smart ass right now.” He stated. He felt like Jaxon was trying to be condescending and that only annoyed him more. Carter shook his head when Jaxon said he was only trying to do the things Carter wanted, ”That wasn’t fun for me. Everything we do together is supposed to be fun.” He stated. ”Clearly.” He said, completely agreeing with him. Carter sighed and pulled Jaxon close to him again, holding his face next to his chest, ”I know. It’s okay. Doesn’t change anything. You’re still my dorky boyfriend though.” He said, flashing him the smallest smile. Carter had completely zoned out, while sitting on the porch, but the second heard Jaxon jump to the ground, he looked over at him, a tear forcing its way to his eyes, when he really didn’t think he had any left. He clenched his teeth, scared for Jaxon going out. He got up and looked at him, ”Please don’t. You’re not thinking clearly.” He said, honestly. ”What do you want? I’ll do anything you want me to do, just please don’t leave this house. I can’t worry about you getting hurt right now, not on top of everything else. Your brother would absolutely kill me.” He said, honestly.
Carter looked at him, ”It wasn’t the flogger I was scared of Jaxon. It’s your strength with the flogger. We haven’t practiced how hard you can hit me with it, for it to hurt enough it feels good. The first couple of hits with it, I didn’t mind, I enjoyed those. It was the harder ones that started to really get to me. Because something changed. I could feel it change.” He stated. ”Maybe it was the alcohol finally settling in your system, maybe it was the fact you were expressing how angry you were at me for the things I did to you when you were younger. I don’t know. But that’s why I stopped you. I don’t care if you’re hitting me in this context, or I would’ve never even told you floggers and whips were a thing.” He responded. ”But it’s when it switches from love to whatever else...” He paused. ”I can’t do it. Because then it feels like you’re abusing me. And I never ever want to feel like that again.” He responded. ”I’m not saying you shouldn’t feel bad for it because you should. I’m saying you aren’t a monster.” He spoke. ”But you did f*** up. I’m not going to deny that.” He stated. ”And I am highly disappointed in you. But guess what, life goes on. It is a learning experience, because if you ever do it again, I will not be so forgiving.” He replied. Carter inhaled sharply at how not willing to see the bigger picture Jaxon was right now. But then again seeing the bigger picture wasn’t exactly Jaxon’s forte. ”He raped me. You have done nothing of the sort. You just hit me a little too hard and wouldn’t stop, which triggered that night and that experience. But, you didn’t force yourself to have sex with me against my will.” He stated. ”So no Jaxon, you are nothing like him.” He responded. He rolled his eyes as Jaxon continued to beat himself up, ”You don’t know that’s how I’d react. Hell, I don’t even know if that’s how I’d react in that situation. I’d like to think that’s how I’d react, but depending on context things aren’t always what they seem.” He responded. Carter jumped a little when Jaxon told him to not rub his head like that. He retracted his hand quickly, frowning. Carter just wanted to make it better, but it didn’t seem like that was in the cards for the night. He rolled over facing the opposite direction of Jaxon and closed his eyes, wanting to cry, but now having any more tears left to cry. He hated this had gotten to this point. Carter sat up in the bed and said, ”I’ll sleep on the couch. I can’t be here right now.” He said honestly and got up, taking the covers with him. But he did stop by the closet and grab the blanket that was in the far back corner. He put it on the edge of the bed for Jaxon. ”Here.” He stated, unable to let this man freeze. Carter felt safe in his covers right now. It was only place he truly felt safe right now. He walked downstairs, seeing there were still people there. He sighed and walked out to the porch, taking a slow seat in his favorite chair. Luckily I had cushions. He sat there, picking at his nails for a while. HE was completely numb at this point.
Carter sighed, hearing how down on himself Jaxon was. Just when he was getting Jaxon a little out of his own way. ”I don’t blame myself for trusting you. I will never regret trusting you Jaxon. But you aren’t a saint, and either am I. No one is.” He stated. ”I blame myself for being terrified to have the flogger involved and doing it anyways.” He responded. He shook his head when he started talking about Roman called him a monster. He put his hand on Jaxon’s face, pulling him into his lips, kissing him on the cheek. ”You aren’t a monster Jaxon Cooper. I promise you that. The way you are so sad about it, means you aren’t a monster. And I’m never going to let you be a monster. You hear me?” He asked. ”I love you to the moon and back. And that doesn’t change because you messed up.” He spoke. ”Being drunk causes the most amazing people to do the stupidest things and not paying attention. Doesn’t mean you’re bad or horrible person. Just means you have to do better next time.” He admitted. He eventually put both of his hands on Jaxon’s cheeks and looked at him dead in the eyes, ”You are good with your powers sober. Drunk Jaxon really hasn’t gotten used to being drunk, let alone drunk with powers. This is the first time we’ve been drinking and wanting to sleep together. Everything we do will always be a learning experience. That’s all life is.” He said, honestly. Carter got really stern with Jaxon now and said, ”Don’t you ever compare yourself to that douchebag. You are nothing like him. I wish you’d believe me when I told you that.” He stated. He frowned as how sad Jaxon was, but responded, ”I wasn’t talking about now. I wouldn’t let you touch me right now even if you wanted to.” He admitted. ”But that doesn’t mean, I don’t still think about you. How can I not?” He asked, with a shrug of his shoulders. ”You’re sexier than I ever will be and I’m in love with you. You are my kryptonite Jaxon Cooper. Regardless if you feel like you are or not.” He spoke and laid next to him, the covers still completely wrapped around him. Carter just looked at him, rubbing at the edge of Jaxon’s hairline with his fingers. ”I’m okay, Jaxon. I promise.” He said truthfully.
Carter nodded, ”Yea, and?” He asked. ”Just because I’m upset with you, doesn’t mean I’m just going to drop you off the face of the earth. That’s not how relationships work.” He admitted. ”You have to communicate with one another.” He stated. ”Mistakes happen. Sh*t happens. You have two options, grow from it, or let it destroy you.” He admitted as Jaxon got up and went back to his bedroom. ”I’m choosing to grow from it. I knew you being drunk and us not having figured out where the line was, was risky. But you also promised me you’d stop. And you didn’t.” He spoke. ”We’re both to blame for this. It’s not just you, nor is it just me.” He stated. ”I could’ve said no to it completely. And I didn’t. I wanted to do this with you.” He added. ”I know you well enough to know that sober you would’ve never done that to me. Just means we can’t be kinky when we’re drunk, until you figure out how much force you are using. That’s the biggest reason why I safe worded you. My ass is going to be bruised for weeks.” He stated. ”You are 4 times stronger than me Jaxon. You have to remember that. You aren’t just a normal person. You have super strength, which is super hot 98 percent of the time, but when you’re with me in bed, you have to use like half of it. Or maybe even a third of it. I can’t handle full force Jaxon, especially having two super powerful orgasms already.” He admitted, smiling a little at him. ”But I love you, and you mean everything to me.” He said, honestly. ”Might take me a few days to get over it because it was warranted, but it literally doesn’t change how much I love you and how much I want to continue doing naughty naughty things to you.” He said, truthfully.
Carter sighed and shook his head, looking at him, ”You haven’t ruined anything. I’m still here.” He stated, though it wasn’t enough. He frowned seeing Jaxon hit himself like that. He got up and walked over to him, his hands examining the area, holding Jaxon’s head forward a little, using the blanket he was wrapped up in to keep the blood from rushing out. He pulled Jaxon towards the bathroom and sat him down on the toilet. Carter, did his best to fix Jaxon up enough so his body could heal. But with it being his own strength that got him, it would take longer. Carter grabbed some cotton balls and covered them in nasal decongestant, before placing them into Jaxon’s nostrils. He held Jaxon’s nose closed, ”I wish you’d stop hating on yourself.” He responded.
Hearing Jaxon tell Carter what he did and didn’t want, only annoyed him. He sat up and looked at him like he had 7 heads, the covers still covering his body. ”Who gave you the right to tell me what I do and don’t want?” He asked. ”What I want right now is to move past this.” He expressed. ”I’m still in love with you. And I want to fix this. But if you don’t then, by all means leave. I’m not gonna force you to stay if you don’t want to.” He admitted. ”But just know you walk out that door, we will never be the same again.” He said, honestly.
Carter frowned and just stared at the wall across from him, as Jaxon cried. It was very obvious that Carter had cried out all the tears he had to cry. He was just silent, numb. Without even thinking about, Carter lightly started rubbing on Jaxon’s side, with his thumb, just like nothing had ever happened. He might not’ve wanted to talk about it, but he wanted to be as normal as they could be. It was about 30 minutes or so, of completely silence that Carter finally said, ”You can talk now.” He said, still not quite out of his numb phase, but alert enough that he was okay to talk to.
Carter might not’ve wanted to really talk about it, but when Jaxon brought it up again, he inhaled and closed his eyes for a second. ”You aren’t a trash human, nor are you a horrible person.” He stated. ”You were drunk and stupid. I know you didn’t meant it, or I wouldn’t be laying here in this bed with you. But I really don’t want to talk about it right now.” He responded. Jaxon not listening to him was what had gotten them here in the first place, and Carter really was trying to move past it. He didn’t want this to end their relationship. But it easily could’ve had Jaxon walked out that door, after something like that.
Carter knew Jaxon didn’t really know what he was able to do right now, which was why he put his arm out in the first place. Carter just wanted him close and knew Jaxon didn’t do it on purpose. Jaxon was so much better than that and Carter knew that, better than anyone. When Jaxon laid down next to him, he rolled over, resting his head on Jaxon’s chest. He was completely engulfed in the covers, so no part of him was touching Jaxon except for his cheek. He buried his face in Jaxon’s chest now as Jaxon started talking, ”I don’t want to talk about it right now. I just want to lay here with you.” He responded.
Carter might not’ve been ready for Jaxon to touch him, but he still wanted this man around. That would never change. Carter laid down on the bed, the covers still on him, as he really didn’t have the desire to move. He was covered up enough right now by the comforter. Carter was pretty numb. He wanted Jaxon to snuggle him so badly, but he wasn’t going to ask. He didn’t feel like he could right now. The adrenaline that was running through Carter’s body still causing him to shiver. Carter eventually reached for Jaxon, trying to extend an olive branch to this man, hoping he’d take it.
