unrestrained by convention or morality
Home is a vague word for me, I had a home with my parents, a home I don't remember. I had a home with the Cullen's, true, Carlisle was good to me. I guess that's where this story will have to start off, with my adoptive family. Carlisle's wife, Essy, and her two daughters, Ali and Lydia, accepted me with open arms. It was incredible feeling like I could adapt to such a change in my life and manage to exist in a normal lifestyle. I admit, I prefered the company of others like myself, and it didn't take me long to get close to my neice, Essy's granddaughter, Lizzie and her fiance, Kellen. People didn't get it at first, what I saw in him. Kellen represented everything in me that I so badly fought to keep under control, my instincts. He not only became my best friend, but he became what I was driven to become, myself. Kellen was the closest thing to a brother that I would ever get, and I treated him as such. He was the only one that didn't make me feel ashamed of being a vampire, instead we were proud of it, better than everyone else for it. It wasn't long after we had all become a family that Ali had introduced me to her sister, Bell. I can't say it ever occurred to me to date before, maybe Bell was the first one to spark my interests, or maybe there was a stronger force that knew she would someday become the key to a door I would have never thought to open. Looking back I'm not sure I even loved her, I loved the idea of a mate and the greater chances at building alliances and our coven.
I married her, and soon she had our son, Edward Kellen Jr.
Things were getting difficult around that time, Kellen was having issues with a member of a rival family, Rose Volturi. They had attempted to kill him and he did the same. I had no real knowledge of what was going on, but in the middle of me being forced into domestication I started to crack and wanted to be a part of something other than my marriage. I don't know why I blindly gave away my allegiance, but even with my wife pregnant with my second son, I still allowed the fighting to go on. Maybe if it wasn't for the distraction I would have noticed that Bell was cheating on me with Kellen, by the time I had figured it out it was too late. What I felt was beyond betrayal, it was the deepest wound someone could cut into me. I confronted Kellen first, because for some reason the betrayal on his side felt stronger than Bell's. Bell was disposable to me, Kellen was my anchor. He told me the truth, I'll give him that much credit, and with that I confronted my wife. She lied like she always did, and it took me threatening divorce for her to tell me the truth. By then, I was completely emotionally disconnected from her, our marriage was over. That night Bell had gone to Anyanka Volturi, a member of Rose's family and asked her to kill her. That was when I met Anya, she came to me to ask permission to kill my wife, and though I granted it, she refused to do it. It made me question why someone I was supposed to be at war with refused to kill my own wife, Kellen's story seemed to have a flaw in it. Instead Bell attempted suicide and in turn killed our son she was carrying. Shock? No, that is far from a strong enough word, imagine losing everything you care about in one instant, one minute that could have otherwise been meaningless. I took Bell back, mostly because I was numb and at that point I didn't care what happened to me anymore. I had my son to think about, and I never wanted him to know the terrible family I had brought him into. That's when I made the Viteazul's, a new family with Kellen at my side. Bell was far from forgiven in my eyes, I couldn't even stand to touch her after that, but Kellen no matter what was always my brother. We sought out members, no, numbers, to help build an army to fight against Rose. Then it happened, the one night that blew my life up in my face, Rose came to me. It turns out you shouldn't blindly trust people, because people are so concerned with themselves that you will always be a second-or-lower thought to them. Kellen lied, something I wasn't entirely shocked over after he slept with my wife, but that was the night that I left with Rose. She made things I found issue with clear, Kellen had been plotting to use my family to kill them. There was no battle, there was no fight, it was all Kellen trying to gain dominance at my expense.
When he was irreplaceable to me, I was irrelevant to him.
I mended ties with Rose in time for her family to land themselves in a fight with yet another family. Ok, so I really didn't have anything to do with that one, but I still stuck my nose in. I went to the battle, and Rose and myself slaughtered everyone. I can't say I chose to fight for one side or the other, it was just a relief for me to cause people pain especially those that Kellen had made me lose, like my mother, who had sided with him. Yeah, I'm a bit messed up to kill my adopted mother, but I didn't mind being messed up. That was the first night I had ever killed another immortal, it was different than feeding off of humans. Humans lived short meaningless lives, vampires lived a thousand lives and never lost a minute of it to sleep. In my eyes, they were worth a great deal more, and I took every last life I could grasp. That could be when I started losing myself, I lusted the kill, and I didn't stop until I was satisfied. After that battle Rose took me to her family who happily accepted me into the Volturi, you know, now that I was a mass murderer. So after all that it wouldn't surprise you that when I finally was given the chance to take a long overdue honeymoon with Bell, she was so badly out of control at that point that she tried to kill me. She hated me, hated that I had broken ties with Kellen, that we lost our son, that I joined the Volturi who she so deeply hated. Maybe it was all my fault, maybe I was what had made her mental. Watching her husband's life revolve around nothing but yearning to kill couldn't have aided her fragile mental state. For years I plotted murder, and then I acted on others, I lived for it. In a sense, I chose the kill over my own wife. I don't know when it was that I snapped, the torn to pieces vacation home I bought us? When she sliced my throat open? Or the fact that she held my son, Edward, in front of me and killed him just as she had done to our other son. I loved Edward as much as I could love anyone at that point, but I had just joined a new family that would kill me if I stepped out of line, I had lost everyone else including who my wife once was. Edward was all I had, he was everything to me, and the last bit of glue keeping me together. It wasn't a hard choice to take her life, a sickening one, but not difficult. I used our own floorboards to sever her head and burned her body inside of our home. I would never give her the opportunity to harm anyone else, especially after seeing her slaughter the only bit of affection she had ever given me. Edward though, I couldn't let him mix with the ash of his foul mother. He deserved a greater home than I provided for him, a greater burial than that of his mother. I took him to his favorite spot on our beach and stayed with him until the last bit of his fire went out.
But that night would stay with me forever.
When I came back home I was disconnected, distant, and so bitterly cold it was difficult to be involved in any family at all. Anyanka had left Aro and the family had fallen apart, I had nothing. So it wasn't a far-fetched plot when Anya had come to me and asked me to help her execute Aro to get control of the Volturi. I never really viewed Aro as much more than mindless, so we made a slow game of decapitating him. The stories of his murder hit Italy like a wave, a wave that took with it all the members of the old coven. I assume they fought each other to death and what remained went into hiding, it was irrelevant to me, none of them were worth me hunting down. I had the coven in my hands from that moment on, I had the power I so deeply deserved yet I was still so badly broken. I relied on Rose a lot, and thankfully she did her best to take care of me. I hung around while she raised her children since we were both alone, it didn't take long for an attachment to grow between the two of us and when it did we got married. I didn't love her, I didn't want her, I was so mentally broken at the time I don't think I could have loved anything. She was convenient, and she gave me something to live for. What sounds like a match made in socially-awkward-murderous-heaven, was short lived. Rose wanted a huge family and adopted the world, and I, I couldn't handle the thought of having anymore children. I grew uncomfortable with the relationship she had with her friend, James and continually accused her of cheating on me, maybe it was my accusations that pushed her. I caught her with him, and I wasn't so surprised when I felt nothing about it. There wasn't any pain, any hatred, just a dead cold inside of me. Her family meant nothing to me, she meant nothing to me, and I had no issue ending her life. I'd say that's where I gave up on love, but I don't think I ever had much hope in it to begin with. The choices I had made seemed to back up that theory.
I didn't know how to love someone.
I had the one person who didn't abandon me after that to lean on, Anyanka. I moved in with her for a while, somehow her home always called to me more than my own did. Forks always had it's way of dragging me back. Knowing that I would have her to endure it all with made it slowly get easier to deal with, and a while after her next marriage I was able to move out and get back into life. After my son's death it took a long time for me to be conscious of the things going on around me, and it wasn't until I was completely on my own that I started realizing I might be losing my mind. All the years of loss and murders I had commited seemed to have a heavier effect on me than I had noticed. I didn't rest, I didn't hunt, I existed. Anya did all she could for me, and I relied on her so much that for the first time I actually felt like I could need someone. There was always something different about her, something so embedded in both of us that drew me to her. Whenever I could be with her, I would be.
But the impossibility of murdering her husband and being with her only made my depression deepen.
That would be when I met Davina. Not that I was looking particularly, curious yes, not so ready for the commitment though. Not so ready to be past the idea of Anyanka. But she was so extraordinarily different than Rose and Bell that I thought it would be easy to be with her, and so it was. It was a rough time for me, tensions between myself and Anyanka's husband caused us to part ways, he had figured out how I felt about her and did all he could to tear us apart. Without Anya I started falling apart all over again. Davina and I had moved in together and got married, in what looked like the ideal picture-perfect marriage. But beyond the depth of those eyes, tucked away into the back of my mind was doubt about what the two of us would always be to each other. I didn't know her, no matter how much time passed I never felt like I knew her any better than the first night I met her, and I was so shut down that no one could get through to know me. I missed my family, I missed the wars, I missed having Anya around, it's not easy losing the last bit of family you had left. I couldn't help but still feel so very much alone. I was forcing myself to stay in the marriage, at least there I had something that felt permanent. It was a lie that lasted a long time. A lie that I wasn't the only one telling. She had formed alliances with the family I had gone to battle with so many years ago, and had a mate in their family. Infamous double life story, a double life that made me try to take my own. I left to go back to my island, mostly to prevent myself from killing her. She would be missed, I wouldn't, and I can't say I had anything to exist for to start with. I went to the one place, the one person, who had been entirely mine, Edward Jr's grave sight. I felt that if I were to give up I wouldn't have to feel the hatred that I so badly fought to discourage within myself, my death was the only way out.
So, I built up my own pyre and burned myself alive.
The problem with becoming who I now am, is that my instincts were the most dominant personality trait I had. I don't remember much of that night, but I do remember my conscious state returning when I washed up on shore. I always assumed my body must have thrown myself to the water to prevent my death, maybe I just can't even manage to kill myself properly. A stronger side of me would later look back and wonder if Edward hadn't wanted us both to die over the betrayals of useless women and gave me a second chance. I returned home, only to have Davina confess that she had cheated on me with the same man again. That hit reminded me so of Bell, the constant proding at me begging me to retaliate as she screwed my brother. The ringing in my ears blocked out Davina and brought back all of the hatred I had for Bell. Only this time I had no anchor, I had no family, nobody to tell me to stop and control myself. I could only think of Anya, how she told me this would happen again, and how badly I wanted her dead for leaving me. I took my rage out on Davina, maybe she didn't deserve it, but my hands were marked again with another death. And I felt nothing when I burned her. Looking back I can't say it was even a marriage, just the best performance of my life, I even had myself conned into believing some part of me was content. I wasn't.
I was a wreck.
I was empty. My only thought was to find Anyanka again. The best I could do was write her a letter and hope that someday she would answer it. Within days she had. Every bit of desperation to have that woman back in my life flooded my emotions. I guess in the end I never really did know how to be without her. Every relationship ended in death. And every death brought me back to Anya. The only good thing Bell ever did for me was force Anya to meet me all those years ago, who would have thought my wife would introduce me to the love of my life? I had always wanted Anya, from the day I had met her I wanted her, but she was as desired as I had been and in turn we were both always married when the other had been single. If I had more nerve I'd have dared to break up her marriage, but I thought she was happy, probably because I so dearly needed to think of her as happy to keep myself functioning everyday. It took about ten minutes of being near her again for me to realize that none of those feelings had faded, and that she was still the same woman I had needed for ages. I would have done whatever I had to this time, I was finished with hiding how I felt. I guess at some point knowing that I had used a marriage to numb myself from losing her, I realized I couldn't let this go on any longer. What I didn't expect was to have her throw herself at me and confess that she's always felt the same. She quickly became pregnant with our son, Kilian Demetri, that was hard to accept. Knowing no matter what happens, we have a son together so some part of her will always be mine, that made this feel much more permanent to me. So after things calmed down from his birth I proposed to her.
Because when all was said and done, my path was always to Anya.
In the years to follow, I can't say my mental state improved much. I can't ever erase years of hatred and revenge. I can't ever erase the loss of my children. I can't ever erase the wives, the families, the friends I have slaughtered. I've learned to justify my actions though, I understand now why I did them. Love. Every act, every fight, every death has been because I loved and it wasn't nurtured or returned. How many times can someone be broken before they never quite work again? I'm guessing I hit my limit about halfway through this story, because I don't work at all. What I know though, is that as long as I keep trying to love, keep trying to get back all that has been taken from me through the years, they haven't won. I may have broken, I may have shattered, but I will not be swept away. And if my last act on this Earth is anything, it'll be tearing your feet apart and bringing you all down with me.
I will not be conquered.
EV; Edward Volturi
Full Name: Edward Anthony Masen Cullen Viteazul Volturi
Anyanka Elizabeth Volturi;
When you go so long through life without love you come to stop expecting it. Not that I ever did, for the most part I figured the vampire boyfriend selling point wouldnt fly with most women. I was alright with that though, I was happy alone. When I met Bell I thought those feelings had changed, I thought that maybe since I found the one girl interested in a rogue vampire maybe I could force myself to have feelings back. I learned very quickly that most love is based on deception and Bell, well she was the Queen of deception. The only problem was that I was the reigning King.
Skills: Mind reading & exceptional speed
Eye Color: Deep red
Scars: Small amount of burns left on his chest and back, several teeth marks on his throat and shoulders, and Anyanka's initials burned into his chest
Character Traits: Obnoxious, restless, honest and reckless
Hobbies: Car collecting, traveling, music
Children: Edward Jr. (Deceased) & Kilian Edward
Siblings: Adam Volturi (Deceased) & Kellen Vincent (Deceased)
Coven: No loyalties
I felt nothing for her and thought that if love was lies and infidelity then I wanted nothing to do with it. Except of course for the issue of being alone again. This time it felt different, I wasnt happy like I had been the last time I was alone. I had that moment of false happiness and wanted desperately to have the real thing, not that I went on the hunt for it. On the contrary, I stuck to a very close knit circle of family, the closest of which was Anya. Anya became my best friend, I trusted her more than I had ever trusted anyone. She was the one person to try and get me through anything, and there was plenty to get me through. It took a long time for me to either accept or realize that I had been so desperately in love with Anya since the day I met her. She had always been the only one fearless enough to tell me off when I was wrong or to put me back together when those wrongs led me down the wrong path. Anya was strength itself. Anya was everything.
Theres a huge difference when a relationship is built off of a friendship. Theres already a foundation there, a rock that cant be disturbed. We already understood each other, knew each other better than anyone else ever could, we were already family. Anya was always my family, my home, so being married changed none of that, we were what we had always been. With Anya there were the changes that I had always been looking for, the want to be near her was amplified to a need to be with her always. But mostly I loved, I loved like I had never fully loved anything before her. For the first time in my life I was happy, more so, I wanted to be happy.
Anya wasnt the perfect happy ending in my life. She was difficult, demanding, persistent and stuck in her ways, all of which were the things I loved most about her. There would never be the picture perfect cabin in the woods ending. Anya was hard to love which may be why I did love her so much. She wasnt perfect and I was increasingly tired of people treating me like I should be, we were flawed together. I never felt like I had to be anything more than I was, I was allowed to be angry, allowed to be depressed, I never had to fake a smile for the sake of anyone else again. What always amazed me about being with Anya was that she never made me be anything more than myself, and that as broken and a wreck as I was that was exactly how she wanted me. Marrying her felt like the first step in the right direction in my life, with the decades of bad decisions I had finally made the right one. Anya was always where my path led in life, I was just too afraid to follow it.
To: Anyanka Boleyn
Dating Since: June 19th 2011
Engaged On: September 26th 2011
Married On: October 15th 2011
Kilian Edward Volturi;
Name: Kilian Edward
Parents: Edward & Anyanka Volturi
Born: August 16th 2011