05/27/2020 08:07 PM  Grave mistake Candice found herself sitting at the foot of Eddie’s grave the one she put him in, The man who raised her and taught her all she ever needed to know to love and live in this world and she killed him and herself for what? A shot at being in a dysfunctional relationship? Or a whole dysfunctional family? A family that wouldn’t ever really accept her because she was a driven woman and women were nothing more but tools in this world, In this lifestyle women were weak and disposable once they out grew their purpose they were disposed of she knew this, She knew this all along but as time drew on and she still hadn’t been cast aside her hope grew and she allowed herself to truly revel in the fact that she might have actually changed the order of things and shown her worth she was wrong of course while her name and power was increasing so were those who were against her including the man she loved he grew tired of her she glanced down at the ring she wore the ring that had meant so much to her not long ago but once she pulled the trigger sentencing Eddie to the dirt pit she lost everything she ever really cared for because he was the last piece of her and once he was gone there was nothing she was nothing. Twirling the ring on her finger she allowed herself to remember the times when she was truly happy and to her surprise that was quite a bit but her eyes glanced at the headstone that read Eddie Mason on it and her happiness soon depleted she could feel the sting of tears and she took a shaky breath “Oh Eddie” she began she’d usually come here to take some time and try and remember who she was but right now in this moment she didn’t know anymore she felt lost and no one would find her this time she was a mere shell of the person she used to be hollow and empty devoid of everything her doing had become her undoing and she was already gone. “Eddie, it isn’t easy for me to come here to talk to you.. To face you again time after time and I wish I could just let you rest it’s the very least you deserve but I keep messing up and you’re not here to help.. to ease it all.. Yeah I know that’s my fault I did this to you.. You don’t have to remind me of that every time!” Her hand lifted to wipe a tear that had left her eye and she tucked her legs into her body hugging them needing to feel some sort of protection “I’m sorry Eddie, You were nothing but good to me you gave up your life to give me one and when I was old enough for you to actually live again I took that from you you deserved better.. a better life a better me.. I let you down that’s all I ever do I can’t help it, must be in my blood to fail and to disappoint it’s all I’ve ever known” a sigh left her she never opened up like this and if Eddie was alive she probably wouldn’t open up to him either she’d just solider on and push it all down telling her secrets to a dead man she knew they were safe at least her arms wrapping around herself tighter “I wish you could hear me, I wish you could see how sorry I am how my life f***ed up for what I did I know it’s not even close to justice but it’s nothing less then what I deserve I hope I suffer everyday until I die” she knew she would suffer because from the moment she pulled that trigger she regretted everything since she wasn’t thinking straight and she would hate herself forever for it she punished herself more then she knew, More then she realised and she would do until the day she was free from this world “I’ve gotta go now, I’ve got some work to do I just.. I miss you… the Christmas tree is starless without you.. In fact the world is, I tried Eddie I really did I just tried for the wrong person if I would have tried harder to be a good guy I know you’d still be here, I love you” with that she stood her legs numb from sitting in the cold “Rest now” she said wiping her eyes and she simply walked away. 0 Comments

02/03/2020 08:33 PM  Welcome home pt 2 //Russia *back to present time, Russia 2020* Her eyelids heavy as she began to come too, Moving her hands, nothing. They were tied a cold feeling beneath them, a metal chair she was bound too sat upright her head slouched slightly to the left her eyelids slowly opened “Ahh pretty girl wakes” Ivan sat opposite her his cold gaze fixed on hers “Your boyfriend is a**hole” he told her his accent still as think as it was all those years ago “I gave him choice he chose himself” he admitted to her, So this was Nik’s plan to use her to get himself free? Was it a nice little payday for him? He wouldn’t have time to spend it she’d get out of here and she’d kill him “Now Nik tells me it was you.. You planned it all and he give you to me for redemption and his life” Candice scoffed “If you believe that then you really are stupid!” The butt of his gun connected with her jaw and as her head turned she spat out some blood and laughed she knew Ivan if she pissed him off enough he’d beat her but he’d leave the room not wanting to lose his cool and once he was out of the room she’d be able to start trying to get out of there “I was just a hired gun Ivan” she told him “He planned it all” she told him “You think killing me now will stop him from trying to come at you again?” Another laugh “tupoy russkiy trakh” he stood now striking her face again then grabbing her chin roughly pulling her face up to face him “Dumb bitch, Your man left you here to die, You stupid one” she mustered up some spit in her mouth and spat it at his face he let go wiping his face with a napkin he took from his pocket “That’s where you are wrong he played you, Nik isn’t anything to me anymore you think he sacrificed something he loved? He didn’t we haven’t been together for years this was easy for him and now you’ve let him walk away, You are stupid! He’ll be plotting against you” to this he kicked her chair over spat at her and left the room her hands moved quickly trying to loosen the knots the had her hands bound until the door opened again. “Candice?” A soft woman’s voice she looked up it was Misha the same woman who stabbed her she came over and flipped out a knife cutting the rope Candice looked at her confused “You could have killed me on that roof, You should have but you didn’t” she did the same to her feet and helped her up “You gave me a chance now I’m giving you one” Candice raised her brow “He will kill you” she told the woman truthfully to which she shrugged “I died a long time ago” she then turned the knife and used it on herself before Candice could even stop her “Sh*t” she went to her side as she slowly dropped to the floor “We are both free now” Misha said as she took her last few jagged breaths Candice shut her eyes for her and stood she couldn’t waste time if she was found here now? She’d definitely be killed she headed to the door her ear pressed to it hearing nothing she opened it slowly looking out she didn’t even know where she was right now stepping out into the hallway she seen a window at the end heading that way quickly she looked out she wasn’t that high up she tried to open the window but it wouldn’t budge “Give me a f***ing break!” She heard voices behind her random shouting in Russian she took a few steps back as guns were raised and ran jumping through the window cutting her arm on the way down she rolled along the floor as bullets flew past her on hitting her side but she didn’t have time to assess her injuries right now she ran, Ran for her life her lungs burned as she tried to suck in as much breath as she could she had a decent head start but her injuries slowed her down she stopped behind a tree looking around for a moment she realised she wasn’t far from the house that her and Nik shared it wasn’t safe there but she hoped it was that much of an obvious choice they wouldn’t look there, She set off again sliding down a muddy hill that dropped into a creek the water freezing but she could hear the men catching up she quickly covered herself in the mud and stuff and lay next to the water camouflaging herself the best she could the low lighting helped they were above her now she held her breath she was losing blood and was weak if they caught her now she was done for her eyes closed it seemed like they were there for ages time stood still she felt her lungs burn again from the lack of air in them her heartbeat could be felt all over her body and suddenly they were gone and she let out a breath she couldn’t move yet the water making her cold and the loss of blood colder still she lay there until it was dark her body stiff and weak she pulled herself up mud caked all over her she pulled herself into the freezing water and rubbed all over making sure she got most of the dirt out of the slice in her arm she ripped the bottom of her dress and rapped it around her arm she didn’t bother with the shot wound to her side as she stood and trudged on without further incident. She managed to get back to the house Nik was no where in site but his things were still here she grabbed her bag and showered all the gunk off her getting out wrapping a towel around her she grabbed a sewing kit from under the sink and began to stitch her arm up badly but it would hold till she got home, The pain was almost unbearable but she’d been through worse her teeth gritted together as she finished and covered it with a bandage she looked over the bullet wound it was nothing serious just a graze really she placed a gauze over it then wrapped that up too before she dressed in sweats and put a cap on she was in a rush to get out she found her passport and Nik’s she threw his in the fire he wouldn’t be coming back with her she grabbed the car keys and her ticket luckily it was open ended so she could come back whenever she wanted she put her stuff in the car and went back inside grabbing all the alcohol they had she poured it all over, and turned the gas on the cooker pulling the pipe loose slightly and she left again taking out a lighter she lit it and threw it inside getting into the car she drove off seeing the house she once loved go up in flames “Welcome home baby” she laughed to herself she was going home. 0 Comments

02/03/2020 08:31 PM  Welcome home pt 1 // Russia Cold, It was unbelievably cold but then again Russia always was Candice seen Russia as home her and Nik had spent a few years here when they were young and in love but now? Everything was different, They were different “I’ve got a surprise for you” Nik said as they pulled up her eyes were closed but the sudden lack of movement in the car made them flick open for a second before she realised her surroundings he had took her home, The house that they had once shared she undone her belt and opened the car door her foot crunching the fresh snow underneath her boot there was a smile on her face “You didn’t sell it?” She asked him as she walked to the gate wiping the snow off the top of it they used to be happy here, The moment bittersweet because right now she wasn’t happy he had made her leave California, Her friends and Zen, God she missed him already. Nik made her leave them all behind and for what? She wasn’t even sure what they were doing here yet he hadn’t said “No, I couldn’t sell it this is our home always will be” his words were soft and struck her in a way she wished they wouldn’t pulling at her heartstrings because this was once the life she craved him and her being here, Being normal. Froze she was froze in place as she watched him opening the door the familiar sound of the creaking door and the little jingle of the wind chimes she closed her eyes a moment taking a breath and taking in this place she loved so, Opening her eyes again she followed him peering into the open door “Welcome home, baby” he spoke her face scrunched up at the word baby he wasn’t allowed to call her that anymore she wasn’t his and she never would be again she walked passed him wiping her feet on the custom door mat that said their names on it making sure she got all the snow off “You’ve not changed anything” she said it was as she remembered flipping on the lights she looked around pictures of them all over the furnishings covered in plastic even though there wasn’t a speck of dust in sight Nik must have kept the cleaner on the huge fireplace was lit and the room was warm the happy memories they shared here flooded her mind a sad smile on her face as she picked up a picture of the pair the picture was the most recent one of them stood in front of the fire at a birthday party they hosted for Nik, It was a good night they hadn’t fought and they even spoke of having kids and being together forever. Lies. Her hand dropped the picture letting it fall to the floor the frame breaking as it connected with the wooden flooring she just watched it fall because that’s what happened to them they fell “Why did you bring me here?” Nik was by her side kneeling down to gather the broken pieces of their memories “I thought you’d rather stay here then a hotel” “No, Nik what are we doing here?” She meant the job what was it? She still didn’t know “Ahh, Let’s get settled first and I’ll tell you” he told her throwing the broken frame away and putting the now lone picture above the fire before he went to get the bags out of the car which she then grabbed and threw it into the fire a smile on her face as she watched it curl beneath the heat the colours merged as they burnt how poetic. A few hours later and Candice found herself at a lavish ball with Nik in hand smiling and waving at their old friends it was like they never left not one of them was aware that Candice and Nik were ever apart, Everyone was just so shocked they wasn’t married wIth kids yet “Keep an eye out for Ivan” Nik whispered in her ear as his arm went around her waist and he pulled her with him to dance pulling her body flush with his because she was a horrible dancer he smiled down at her “isn’t this nice? I’m not trying to kill you, You’re not trying to kill me, Working together again like a team” she rolled her eyes slowly wishing he would just shut up “Silent treatment huh?” Again another roll of the eyes as their bodies moved “Candice, I missed us – I wish” she cut him off luckily spotting Ivan “There’s Ivan” she told him his head turning to the man now “Okay, I’m sorry for everything Candice” she turned to look at him “What are you talking about?” She asked a sharp pain in her neck “Ow” her hand went to where she just felt the pain she felt woozy “You.. You son of a bitch” she fell but she felt him catch her. Everything went black the last thing she saw was a sad smile on Nik’s face or maybe she didn’t. The drugs that were just injected into her neck were fast, She didn’t remember much. *Flashback to 2013* “First we drink” his Russia accent think, Ivan stood next to the chair she was on smoking a cigarette dressed in all black the same as her “Then we do job” he continued as he poured them both straight vodka she didn’t mind drinking she could always do a better job while under the influence anyway and she didn’t want to offend Ivan he was a Russian mobster, Nik’s boss in a way he was the one who sent Nik to America to start up there Ivan was a powerful man. Taking the drink she had a big gulp “Nik said your best shot” he flicked the ash off the top of his cigarette before drinking his drink “ty ubivayesh' voditelya gruzovika” she looked at him, It took her a moment to understand what he was saying she was new to the language just learned so she was slow at translating she nodded slowly “Yes” she looked at the time they’d need to move soon so she could be on the roof in position for the truck “It’s nearly time” she told the man as she slammed the rest of her drink down the warmth spreading through her abdomen she stood as he began to move “da my idem seychas” another nod as she opened a door for roof access her gun already set up on the top and she headed up waiting for the truck she received a call pressing the button on the ear piece she was wearing Nik spoke “Candy baby change of plan, We are taking this whole thing for ourselves, You shoot the driver then Ivan I’ll be waiting to take the truck and I’ll meet you where previously said” before she could protest the click in her ear signalled he had put the phone down “Sh*t” she called out as she seen the truck coming down the street her eye to the scope and her finger on the trigger she followed the truck in her line of sight and took a breath in as she took her shot brain scattered on the driver side door she seen Ivan approach the truck and Nik behind him her finger over the trigger she was about to take her shot just as she was about to pull the trigger someone was behind her and her shot was off clipping Ivan in the neck at the same time the bullet entered Ivan a knife entered her shoulder she turned pulling the blade out seeing a woman with red hair behind her Misha Ivan’s wife they had planned the same thing double crossing bastards Misha wasn’t a fighter so it didn’t take Candice long to knock her ass out leaving the gun behind but taking the knife with her she ran in the direction of her pick up point jumping from one roof to another was hard since she had loss the use of her left arm right now on the last low roof she seen the truck except it wasn’t Nik driving she ran jumping on the top of it rolling as she landed on her bad shoulder “F***” she called out the pain burning through her she crawled up to the passenger side opening the door she flicked herself inside from above a gun in her face but before he could pull the trigger she had hit his arm upwards using her quickness she stabbed him in the side with the knife used on her he dropped the gun which she picked up as she grabbed it however her was out the door “SH*T” she jumped into the seat next to her and turned the wheel a harsh left the truck skidding to a stop. She breathed for a moment catching her breath before jumping out and opening the back of the truck gun in hand hearing a bike behind her she raised her weapon as it stopped she could tell it was Nik “What the f*** happened to you?” She lowered her weapon as they looked into the back of the truck her eyes widened the truck full of files and papers everywhere “What the f*** did we just nearly die for?” Nik smiled and kissed her head “information baby information is power now we have it all” 0 Comments

02/03/2020 07:41 PM  The first wave. *This is another look into Candice’s past a time before she had killed anyone and she was truly scared at the life she would eventually lead, This was her first deal gone wrong* Her hands covered her ears the sounds deafening, Her hands slick with blood that wasn’t her own the smoke filled room threatened to choke her if she didn’t move soon, she couldn’t she squeezed her eyes shut and all she could see were the bodies falling in front of her the blood splatter that landed across her face hot and wet her breathing becoming quick, So quick she thought she might pass out she slid down the wall pulling her knees up to her chest this was it this was where she died and she was scared the gunfire blazing around her the people she had come to call family falling and she did nothing, Nothing but hide and wish it all away she was like a child hiding in the closet while her parents fought. Another explosion hit now behind her causing the wall to crumble on top of her pain searing throughout her whole body as the concrete fell on her yeah this would be her grave under rubble she didn’t want to fight anymore she didn’t want this life she didn’t want to die is this god damn warehouse in the middle of nowhere but she made no attempt to free herself strong hands grabbed hers and began to pull her pain that’s all she felt not relief at being pulled free but pain from the broken rocks ripping through her skin “We gotta go!!” Her eyes blurred but she could tell it was John of course it was John he always did look out for her he always had her back no matter what “Candice NOW!” He shouted he looked like sh*t but she didn’t look much better clothes ripped dirt all over her blood everywhere it looked like a war zone her eyes glanced around the room and it seemed like everything was happening in slow motion gunfights happening everywhere her friends dying, Dropping like flies.. Fire.. so much much fire and she hadn’t done anything her ears ringing from the explosions and the smoke burned her lungs a shot rang out passed her and into John’s shoulder “Sh*t” he gritted his teeth the pushed her out of the way to kill someone behind her she didn’t look but she knew that happened “MOVE CANDICE, TIME TO GO!” He grabbed her arm and pulled her with him although they were around the same age John was more mature about killing people he could do it effectively without batting an eye she on the other hand was new to this and hated it once he had dragged her outside the blood bath continued and her hearing had started to return she could hear sirens “F***, that’s not good” he told her as they crouched at the side of a car “we have to find Nik” she said as she stood and turned crashing into a masked man she froze as hands came around his throat a knife cutting through his neck the warm sticky crimson blood poured out onto her as the body dropped to the ground she seen him he was alive and as psychotic as ever “Hey baby girl doing alright?” Nik winked at her but she was mortified “Time to get out of here” he now grabbed her “John cover us let’s get to the back our car is waiting” and with that the pair of them got her to the car as they reached the car however the cops swarmed the place Nik and Candice were already safe in the car but John had took yet another bullet in the leg slowing him down “Get out of here” he shouted to Nik as he started the car and began to drive away she screamed at him “NO” she could see him being swarmed by several officers from the back window “Go back! Nik go back we can’t leave him” she was hitting him from the backseat now “STOP THE F***ING CAR!” He wouldn’t listen “Shut the f*** up and settle down will you! Your little friend will be back with us in a few days” “Nik, No!” She struck him again in an attempt to get him to listen “Woman! Hit me again and you’ll be f***ing sorry! I’ll fix it I always do!” 0 Comments

02/02/2020 03:40 PM  Murderer in the making pt 3 Candice had been training with Nik for three years she was twenty two now, He has sent her on odd jobs but nothing major yet a few beatings here and there and the rare kill but nothing big, Her moral compass all but gone now she never asked questions and just did what she had too in order to please Nik that’s all she ever wanted to please him. “F***” she called out shaking her hand she was in the training room alone taking out an argument she had with Nik on a punching bag she didn’t used any protection on her hands the were raw and bleeding she curled her hand into a fist again, Good nothing broken flexing her hand again before she continued to hit the bag the pain felt good, It felt good to feel something for a change she was so into letting her anger out she didn’t even realise she was not alone anymore someone had come in. “You’re hurt” Nik had spoke softly like he actually cared she ignored him and carried on punching the bag “Candice..” again nothing from her but a sigh and still she punched he stepped closer to her “Talk to me” he just wouldn’t quit, The reason she wouldn’t talk to him? She caught him snorting cocaine off a girls back while he f***ed her in the bed that they’ve shared for three years now “Candice, F***ing talk to me” she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, He was being boyfriend Nik not her boss right now she didn’t have to stand around and listen to him she turned to face him “f*** you Nik” she walked to the door. “You f***ing stop right now and talk to me, That is an order!” Hand on the handle she stopped “Excuse me?” She began then turned round “Don’t, Don’t f***ing dare order me to stay here and speak to you you’re a piece of sh*t!!” He smiled at that “Don’t f***ing smile right now!” He stepped closer to her “Candy pants.. baby.. I’ve got something to show you come with me?” “Don’t baby me!” “Please..” he took her hands and looked over them sighing “I’m sorry, She meant nothing I was f***ing high and you wasn’t here.. You were with another guy” she snatched her hands back “Yes because you sent me there on a job Nik!” He sighed “I f***ed up, I’m sorry” this took her by surprise she blinked “Sorry.. What?” She hadn’t heard him say sorry before “You heard me, I’ve got you something now let’s go” he placed her hands on her shoulders and led her out of the room and the house taking her too the car. The journey wasn’t all that long and there was total silence the whole ride, It was just getting light outside and it was cold, Snow covered the floor “We’re here” he spoke she looked around “Where? My murder scene?” He chuckled and shook his head leaning over he kissed her head “Not today love” she squeezed her eyes shut as his lips touched her head she wasn’t ready to forgive him or forget what he did, They got out of the car white puffs of vapour leaving her mouth as she breathed she shivered it was cold real cold he grasped her arm lightly and pulled her along “You’re going to love this!” His face was lit up like Christmas he looked innocent almost like an excitable child but then she heard the muffled scream her head snapped to the sound as they came into a clearing through the trees then she seen her, She wouldn’t forget her face the woman she caught Nik with beaten and bruised, Tied to a tree and gagged Candice turned to Nik “What is this?” He smiled and placed a gun in her hand “My gift too you” The woman crying muffled Candice looked to the woman, She hated her but did she want to kill her? Was she that far gone? “The choice is yours Candice you can either kill her or save her” Candice wasn’t a hero and this was clearly a test her chest rising as her breathing picked up she knew what to do she lifted the gun and ended the woman’s suffering quickly with a clean headshot the sound ringing in her ears the sight of yet another person’s brain scattered on the surroundings the crumpled body on the floor, What did Candice feel? Nothing absolutely nothing. She couldn’t be saved. 0 Comments

02/02/2020 03:39 PM  Murderer in the making pt 2 She didn’t sleep very well although it was the most sleep she had had in a week being in prison wasn’t nice even if it was only for a week especially when the charges against you were bullsh*t she wasn’t capable of murder sure she was a bitch but to actually kill her best friend? No, as much as Brooke had hurt her she never could have taken her life her skull was caved in she could never be that viscous Candice was actually the one who found her she stayed late after school that night she was meant to be meeting Brody, Brody was Brooke’s older brother and Brooke had recently found out about the two she wasn’t happy about it she told the who school and he got kicked of the football team which was his life. Candice waited but Brody never showed she just figured he got drunk because of what had happened as she walked passed the gym she seen someone run off she thought it was Brody entering the gym she walked behind the seat which was where they met sometimes a high pitched scream left her lips as she seen the most horrific thing looking at the body on the floor the blood still seeping out of the skull she stepped back as she noticed it getting close to her feet she hadn’t know it at the time but the blood had touched her shoe just a little bit which probably sealed her fate she scanned over the body seeing Brooke’s bracelet on the arm of the body she was in shock she ran and threw up as soon as she stopped outside the school in the bin before pulling out her phone she reported the crime but stupidly she did it anonymously which also didn’t help her case the lawyer kept saying stuff like she isn’t remorseful or show anything for her crime, But why would she? She didn’t do it and after what she seen she hadn’t felt much since. A knock came to the door of her new bedroom she was in her underwear having nothing to wear as she pulled the sheet off her the door opened anyway someone about her age came inside and she jumped back underneath the sheet “Sh*t, Sorry I’m John I was told to bring you these” he said walking over to the bed he placed them down next to her he had dirty blonde hair he was pretty good looking but he had a fresh cut on his cheek couldn’t be more then a few days old it looked sore “Candice” she nodded to his face “What happened?” She inquired he smiled “Training baby doll” he told her “You look like you’ll do well, You’ve got a great body” this made her pull the sheet up more “Get dressed I’ll be outside to take you to Nik” he stood and walked back outside her room closing the door behind him she looked over the clothes a white vest and some black pants and boots she pulled the clothes on quickly going into the bathroom she washed her face seeing a new toothbrush she opened it and brushed her teeth rinsing her mouth out she looked in the mirror she didn’t look her best she sighed looking through all the stuff in the bathroom to her surprise there was a fully stocked drawer of make up this made her happy she hadn’t had make up on since she went inside she put some on with red lipstick she now felt and looked better she left the bathroom and opened the door John turned “Wow.. You sure scrub up well” he mentioned then began walking “Thank you, So do you train with Nik?” She asked he laughed at her “No one trains with Nik” he told her as they descended the stairs again her little legs trying to keep up “Why?” She asked he stopped and turned to her “You ask way to many questions” he turned again continuing they came to another room she could smell food and realised she was hungry her stomach told everyone around her that too “Nik will be dining with you, He must like you” he nodded to the door “In there” she nodded and walked in leaving John behind as the door shut behind her. After breakfast Nik took her to yet another room “Training will break you, I have to break you to make you you must understand this, You will get hurt but you will heal, You are weak but you will get stronger” she was standing blindfolded in the middle of the room she had no idea what was going on “I am not weak” as soon as the words left her her bare arm was struck with something wooden “Ow!” She stated rubbing her arm “Did that hurt?” He asked “No, I just f***ing said ow didn’t I” she stated sarcastically this time the wooden thing which she now guessed was a cane struck her face her lip split she took her blindfold off and stepped back holding the fabric to her lip “Stop! I don’t even know what we are doing!” She told him she was mad that second blow to the face was uncalled for and she didn’t like being treated like this she was used to everybody doing anything for her “We are training” he told her simply stepping closer he pulled down the fabric from her lip grasping her chin gently looking her over “You are hurt but you will heal” he repeated again to her taking the fabric from her hands he wiped her lip the placed the fabric back on her eyes she sighed “We are training your senses I want you to try and sense when and where I am going to hit you, Stop me” “Please.. as if I” before she finished her sentence he had hit her arm again “Ow” she called out once more her skin burned where he had just struck then he did it again this time to her leg her hand going to the pain “stop, wait” and again this time her other leg “sh*t” this time the back of her head “Shut the f*** up and concentrate otherwise you’re leaving this room very sore!” Two hours had passed and she managed to stop him a total of zero times, She was sore and full of cuts and bruises she looked like sh*t and felt even worse. Back in her room now with someone fixing her up putting all sort of healing balms on her that took away some of the sting but the pain still very much there The next few weeks went the same, Her and Nik growing closer eating every meal together then doing exactly the same training at first she wasn’t getting better and each time she went back to her room battered and bruised until one day she stood blindfolded in the centre of that stupid room she started to hate she took a deep breath and didn’t say a word neither did Nik he had two sticks now and he went to strike her with a blow to the right she caught the cane as she did this he tried with the other on the left that she caught too she let go of the sticks and took off her blindfold “I did it!” He was smiling at her and he took her in his arms planting a soft kiss on her lips “I knew you would” he told her then kissed her again she spent the night in Nike’s room not knowing what this man was truly capable of blinded by the lust she felt for him in the moment. 0 Comments

01/20/2020 06:49 PM  Sunday morning solo 7:am on a Sunday morning Candice found herself at home Shep by her side as she strolled into her kitchen a sleepy yawn left her lips which she covered with the back of her right hand grabbing the dog food from the the cupboard where it lived she scooped out some breakfast for her little boy speaking in that tone women did while speaking to animals or babies “He’s a good boy! There you go” she had never had to care for something else but herself before and she was proud she was able to do it, It’s the little things in life that she has learned to take as small wins walking over to her coffee pot she set everything up, Coffee would be needed today and lots of it it was her solo Sunday morning therapy session with Dr. Lee she did have some issues she wanted to work through but she didn’t feel much like talking about them, Talking about them and voicing them made them all too real for her and this session they’d be discussing the present, On Sunday’s they always discussed ‘Now’ topics and she didn’t think she could handle this ‘now’ topic. Outside the office she sighed, Why didn’t this therapist have a life and want to be home at 8am on a Sunday morning? Looking up at the tall building she got a sudden heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach, Dread? Nervous? She didn’t know that was one of the reasons she was here to be able to distinguish what emotions she was feeling and when, Closing yourself off for so long did come with it’s good points but it also didn’t help when you wanted to suddenly feel human again, She took a deep breath forcing the feeling away as she stepped inside heading straight up to the 6th floor where Dr. Lee was stationed the elevator opening into the large and very white waiting room she went to take a seat before the receptionist stopped her “Candice no need to wait you can go right in” she smiled politely the last thing Candice wanted was to go right in she hadn’t even got her head on straight yet but if anyone could make sense of her ranting it was Dr. Lee nodding she headed to her usual room which she had spent many hours in mulling over her feelings more so now that she hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol for about a straight month. Turning the knob on the door she entered the room not saying anything just dropping down on the couch, She lay like she always did when she had something heavy to discuss like it was physically weighing her down and this felt like it was, Half the time she couldn’t breath because this particular problem consumed her, The thing about this problem was she liked the feeling.. Until she thought about it while alone that was when she started to freak out “Candice, Should we begin?” She shook her head her thoughts were all messed up luckily Dr. Lee was a kind man and didn’t rush her “Trapped in your head again?” He asked Candice nodded to this it happened from time to time where she couldn’t voice how she was feeling she was sometimes awkward like that those who were close to her knew this all too well not only wasn’t she very good at reading her own feelings she was often not very good with other people’s either blurting things out at the wrong times and apologising afterwards “Well, Why don’t I ask you questions? That has always helped before hasn’t it?” He offered, He was a small older gentleman with thick glasses and a balding head and the first therapist Candice had actually begun to open up too . “Okay” she spoke finally although she wasn’t facing Dr. Lee she could hear him shuffle in his seat she knew he would be leaning forward the way he always did when he was just about to get into things “So, You’ve been doing well with not drinking haven’t you? You still sober?” He asked he had asked her to cut down a while ago but she always felt so dependent on it to numb anything she felt that she hadn’t even tried until recently “Yes I am still sober, It f***ing sucks though because I don’t know how to be like this.. all open and vulnerable” a sigh left her “Why do you think you’ve been able to stay off it all this time?” He asked, He knew why but he wanted her to say it she sat up now looking at him “because I’ve been happy” she answered flatly tucking her hair behind her ear he looked at her for move of an explanation “I met someone, They made me happy” he nodded “And this is just one person?” He asked he knew all to well about her sleeping around quite often she nodded “Are we talking about the same person from..” he flicked through his notes he had “November?” She nodded and he smiled “Well that is certainly good news isn’t it, Although I can not condone you being intimate with someone because you’re meant to be sustaining from doing that I am pleased you’ve managed to stick with the one” he cleared his throat “So you are dating him?” Her brow quirked at this sure they had spoke about just seeing each other but they hadn’t labelled anything “No” he shook his head making a note “Why are you writing that down?” He ignored her question “So what are you doing then if not dating? Because you are not seeing anyone else that is dating admit it or not” he told her she sighed but otherwise stayed silent “How do you feel about him, how does he make you feel?” She shook her head “Mute” she said he laughed now shaking his “No, Candice we don’t play talk or mute here remember?” She glanced away rubbing her face frustrated that she wasn’t allowed to do her game here, it had helped her through a lot talk or mute she would play this with John while living with Nik John would know something was up and he’d simply ask talk or mute if she wanted to talk she would if she didn’t she’d say mute and it would be dropped oh how she wish the Doc would drop this “My question still stands” he reminded her “Fine! I like him, like really like him he’s all I think about and when I try not to think about him I end up thinking I should probably go see him, I literally spend all my time with him! He makes me feel like I am finally good enough for someone, like nothing I could do would matter he’d stand by me” she rubbed her face again “But how long can that last? I push people away and self destruct that’s what I do, Sooner or later he’s going to realise what a head case I am and up and leave!” She glanced to the door the feelings overwhelming her that feeling of being suffocated creeping back the Doc gave her a couple of minutes to breath before continuing “How does that make you feel? If he did leave?” He asked waiting for her “terrified, Lost, I don’t know” her gaze was now down on the floor “Why do you think you feel like that?” She knew the answer as well as he did but if she said it now? It was out there and real so she did what she usually did and denied it “I’m not in love” his head tilted “I didn’t say you was” she shook her head “but you implied it didn’t you?” She sighed “I can’t be in love! He doesn’t want a relationship or anything that comes with it, Love is just a stupid emotion that can easy go away with a drink so it can’t be real” she was on a rant now trying to convince herself that she wasn’t in love which was as far away from the truth as possible “I’m not in love” she told him again he held his hands up “okay, but hypothetically would it be so bad if you were in love?” Damn he used the word hypothetically because she could always rationalise her feelings if they were hypothetical “Hypothetically? No it wouldn’t be so bad, it would be scary but I’m sure my hypothetical self could deal with it because she cares that much for him she doesn’t wanna bail so the only other option would be to stick to it and work at it!” She sighed rubbing her eyes now “Times up, You did good” “Sh*t, I’m in love” He stood up as she did and he ushered her to the door, Dr. Lee hates going over the allotted time “Yes we can touch on that next week, You’ve opened up and that’s good Candice, Go with it! Have the conversation you’re so scared of having” she was now outside the door his next client walking up “I can’t wait a week Doc, I need to talk about this now!” He shook his head “my next client is here, You can make an appointment for tomorrow if you must” “Doc! I’m in love and I don’t know what to do about it!” His next client walking into the room “Go express it Candice and make an appointment for tomorrow I have others to see” with that he shut the door she had never left this office feeling more unsettled and unsure as she did now “Sh*t!” 0 Comments

01/06/2020 12:29 PM  Murderer in the making Pt 1 A nineteen year old Candice stood outside the big prison gates just been released after a week all charges dropped, Heavy charges too second degree murder and blackmail don’t just vanish she knew that but she didn’t question it as a grey car pulled up next to her she frowned the window came down “Candice right? Someone wants to meet you” the slightly older looking man nodded to the back seat “Come on love I ain’t got all bloody day” he was English this turned her frown into a look of shock “Who exactly are you?” She asked not stepping towards the car “Listen love you wanna go back in there that’s fine but I am freedom right now so get you bleeding arse in the car before I chuck you in!” The man was losing patience with her she rolled her eyes walking over she opened the back seat throwing her measly bag of belongings in and getting in after them she had barely shut the door before the stranger in the front seat began to drive off “F***ing hell let me sit down!” She scoffed of course she was safely in the car she just liked to cause a fuss, Candice was a popular nineteen year old girl she was in the ‘it’ crowd at school and most would call her the bitch of the group she wasn’t the most popular one though she was just a step down from that or at least she was before all the trouble started. “Aye did you really kill your best friend?” The man up front asked her glare turned on her as she took a deep breath he didn’t let her talk though “Listen if you think just because you’ve done someone in that you can tackle me you ain’t very smart kiddo so don’t try sh*t back there do you hear me?” Sh*t this guy was exhausting “back when I was your age I’d done and seen more sh*t than you can imagine kid” he kept calling her kid although he only must have been a few years older then her she sighed looking out of the window “You ain’t much of a talker are ya?” He asked she glanced at the mirror seeing him looking at her she shrugged softly finding her voice once again “Where are we going?” She had ignored all his questions as she tucked a stray hair behind her ear she did hope it wasn’t too far this car smelt like whiskey and prostitutes she feared she’d caught something already the man huffed “Nik wants to meet you, he thought you were perfect for joining the family he looked through all that case file sh*t so here you are, When you meet him you betta be thankful kiddo” her eyes back out of the window now as she wonders who this Nik person is and why he’s helping her “Don’t show him fear.. He feeds on that sh*t but do be respectful otherwise he will give you reason to fear him” she didn’t respond she wasn’t all that pleased about meeting him she just wanted to go home and the mans words scared her a little he must have noticed “Hey kid want my advice?” “No” she replied quickly that didn’t stop him “He’s a sucker for a pretty face and darling you’ve got one! Smile at him flirt with him” he looked her over in the mirror “You’ll have him eating out of your hand.. or something else all right” Candice made a gagging face not that she hadn’t used her looks and body to get what she wanted before because she had but because this man was so upfront about it like he could read her “Ere we are!” The car pulled up to a huge mansion that later in life she would call home. Candice looked out of the window two men outside in black suits guarding the door the first thing she noticed were their guns she swallowed as one of them approached the car he glanced at her “He’ll like her” he said to the man in front “I’ll go inform him you’ve arrived” he continued before going back up the marble steps to the door and slipping inside what had she gotten herself into? The man in the front turned to her “get out then” she looked at him now shaking her head “I don’t want too, I want to go home” she demanded like a small child his brow raised to that “Your scared, Good use it being scared keeps you safe.” He sighed now getting out of the car and walking to the side of the car where she was “Come on kid, He doesn’t like to be kept waiting look I’ll make sure you’re safe tonight okay? I’m Chec, I’ll watch your back tonight okay? Let’s just get this over with” she nodded and opened her door stepping out her nerves getting the better of her she almost ran but didn’t the man she now knew was called Chec took her by the arm and led her up the steps it took all of her strength to just get up those steps she was shaking now “You cold?” The man asked looking at her she nodded she wasn’t but she thought she’d rather him think that then know the truth the man with the gun at the door opened it and stepped aside to let them in once inside she gasped it was lavish, A huge beautiful arched staircase with a chandelier dangling in the middle and more marble the man the call Nik was filthy rich she didn’t know what else to expect as they walked a little further in a voice rang out “Chec, Is this her?” She turned to face the voice the dark haired man at the top of the stairs descending down the left side he kinda took her breath away he was very good looking and he didn’t even look as scary as Chec told her he was he was sharply dressed his shoes shining everything about this man inviting her in “Yeah this is Candice” Chec told the man as he took her hand “Pleasure Candice, I am Nikolai but you may call me Nik” she didn’t have to pretend to bat her eyes and smile because his lips touched her hand and that smile came “Thank you for inviting me to your lovely home” he smiled at her a dazzling smile “Chec you may go tell GG that we will be needing a room fixed up for Candice here, She will stay the night we have much to discuss find us in the study later” her eyes didn’t leave Nik she didn’t even notice Chec had left as Nik led her too a room filled with books it reminded her of the library from beauty and the beast how fitting because that is how the turned out. She heard the door shut behind them and she glanced around the room while Nik poured her a drink and handed it her “Thank you” she swirled the brown liquid around the glass waiting for him to speak she then downed the drink as he smiled at her “Okay, I’m gonna be straight here why did you want to help me? I have absolutely nothing to offer you and what you do” he held up his hand silencing her he spoke “What is it you think I do?” He asked taking a step closer this took her by surprise and she backed up slightly bumping into the shelves behind her “Something dangerous.. Probably gang related” she told him he smiled it was a soft and warm smile as his finger brushed her chin “Correct, See you already have offered me something you are very observant” he began then stepped back walking to a seat next to a huge fireplace the fire roaring the glow illuminated his face making him even more attractive she didn’t expect someone who was apparently so evil to look like this “You’ll be training directly under me, I’ll show you everything and I do mean everything, You will stay here three days in the week the rest you can go home and be with Eddie” her brow raised at this of course he knew Eddie or at least of Eddie he was the only person she cared about so he mentioned him as a warning she’d seen it on tv before “There isn’t a problem with any of that is there?” “No” she replied “You don’t have any questions?” To this she shook her head of course she did but she wouldn’t be asking him “no” she stated again “Good, I expect we will become good friend’s Candice” his arm around her as he led her to the door opening it Chec stood outside waiting “Get some rest, We start tomorrow” the door shut once again and Chec looked over her “You seem fine? He didn’t hit you?” She shook her head “No, I was polite, I have questions” she asked him he stopped his brow raised again “You didn’t ask Nik?” “No, I wanted to ask you instead because he mentioned my father and I’m not stupid I knew that was a warning” Chec started to walk again up the stairs and she followed “Good he doesn’t like people asking questions, Never question him do as he says and you might just be okay Kid” she tried to keep up taking two steps at a time “What will I be doing he said he will be training me personally” once up the stairs they turned right and he opened the first door “This will be your room” they both stepped inside “He will train you to fight and kill it’s not gonna be nice Kiddo but if you can hack it you can have anything you ever wanted, Get some sleep we will have fresh clothes for you tomorrow bathroom is through there” he nodded to a door “Goodnight” 0 Comments

01/01/2020 06:28 PM  To Russia No love Walking into her home she could tell something wasn’t right, Once again someone had been in there, She knew that smell, The smell of whiskey and cigarettes a smell she used to find comfort in now only fear he had been in her home again she stood in the middle of the room as she heard the footsteps behind her Closing her eyes and squeezing them shut hoping it was all a nightmare and he wasn’t really here willing him to be gone didn’t help she heard him step closer opening her eyes now she scanned the area, She could run or stay put if he wanted to kill her he could have done it already but she knew killing her would be too easy he wanted her to suffer she couldn’t take the silence any more “What do you want Nik?” He was closer now but she still hadn’t turned to face him “Oh Candy pants” his voice soft as his arm went around her waist giving her a sort of hug from behind resting his chin on her shoulder Candice felt sick this man she once loved so much f***ed her up so much that now she felt sick to his mere presence, Did she love him still? Absolutely yeah she always would but she wasn’t in love with him there was a huge difference. “Candy pants” he repeated again “Let’s go home, You and me, F*** all these people just you and me again, You’d like that wouldn’t you?” Her brow raised at his words what was he talking about now if he knew her at all he’d know she wanted to be as far away from him as humanly possible he turned her around to face him now still in his arms as he stepped them towards the wall pinning her between his body and the concrete wall behind her “Nicky please move” she asked him “Go, Please” nothing but begging in her tone she was tired all fight gone she couldn’t keep this up and she wasn’t going too anymore it was exhausting a soft smile on Nik’s face “Oh baby we are going home, Russia! remember when it was just you and me, no work, Nothing but us? Those were you happiest days wasn’t they?” His hand lifted to her face his index finger slowly running down her cheek “Say yes Candice, Let’s be happy one last time” she shook her head “I am not going”. Well that was a mistake to say the least she seen the colour drain from his face and the sheer anger replace anything that was there before but for once he didn’t strike her maybe that is what scared her more he did however lift his hand into her hair giving it a tug as his body pushed up against hers his lips next to her ear she kept deadly still as his words came out “Oh you will, Because I’ve been watching you Candice I know everyone you’ve been around recently and I’ll kill anyone you’ve ever even looked at. Don’t f***ing test me!” With that he moved away from her letting her go, kissing her lips softly before stepping away and placing her plane ticket on the side “We have a job to do and we leave tomorrow” games, it was always head games with him but now she would have to go because she knew he would make good on what he had just said she didn’t want anyone she loved getting hurt because of her. She hadn’t slept much last night after Nik had showed himself into her home again she didn’t sleep well anymore but even less so after he had been, A soft yawn as she waited at the gate in the airport she wasn’t looking her best a tracksuit and her sunglasses to hide her bloodshot eyes was what she wore she stood impatiently waiting to be called she hated waiting then she felt him once again his arm around her like he still had the right to do that a kiss on her cheek she cringed at this “Flight 411 to Russia is now boarding” she sighed as Nik took her hand in his pulling her towards the gate like a small excited child “Lets go baby!” He sound like a small excited child too she tried to pull her hand free but he had a good grip on her and she was exhausted nothing about this trip felt good not even the part of remembering the feeling of home, On the plane now she felt even more anxious “How are you feeling about the flight?” Nik asked her knowing she didn’t like flying why was he acting like he miraculously grew a heart over night? She scoffed at him “Hopeful, I’m hopeful that this plane will crash and we will die, Mine will be quick.. Yours? With a lot of suffering! Fingers crossed! /baby/“ to this he laughed and replied “Russia here we come!” 0 Comments

12/13/2019 01:21 PM  Before the storm *This is set a few years before Candice got the order to kill Jensen, He wasn’t her husband yet and she had confessed who she was, Nik was still very much around and controlling her, This is a very important time for Candice as she began to feel again and realised she wasn’t the monster Nik wanted her to be* Coldness all she could remember was the coldness stabbing at her flesh like hot needles, It’s crazy how in the cold the pain is heated life’s way of trying to remind you that you are still alive and that you need to fight she didn’t want to fight anymore but giving up wasn’t in her nature “F***!” She gasped in the air the thing she desperately needed as she was pulled from the ice cold water she lay in only nobody was there it was her own arms that pulled her out her body’s unwillingness to give up astonishing her, Clawing at the embankment she pulled herself onto dry land coughing and shivering in the snow dragging herself to her knees as she wretched the fear of drowning was all to real for her she nearly did it this time she hoped the cold waters would have made her body give up except it had quite the opposite effect it made her fight harder spitting out the remains of the water from her mouth as her breath caught back up with her she turned laying flat on her back exhausted from everything another failure she thought to herself and this was a dark, Slippery and dangerous path of thought to be on no wonder she always bailed she was nothing but a failure, She knew that and time after time it killed her a little more inside. Finding herself back in her sh*tty motel room in Sarov Russia she booted her suitcase across the room making it open and what it was holding to fly around the room she needed a good cry, That would make it okay for a while but as she sat on the dirty floor against the door she just came through and willed the tears to come they wouldn’t was she that far gone that she couldn’t even cry now? She lifted her head forward and slammed it back into the door. Pain. Good she felt something at least once again she had ran and for what? The life of someone else? When did she start caring about more than the money? Life had its little ways of f***ing you up she scoffed to herself her clothes clinging to her now a deep chill within her, Maybe the cold would kill her after all. Peeling herself out of the wet clothes in the bathroom she looked at herself, She didn’t recognise the empty shell looking back at her, Cold lifeless eyes and her soul even worse the more she looked at the stranger facing her the angrier she became all these emotions going through her and she couldn’t even begin to comprehend how to process them and before she could stop herself she found glass stuck in her hand from the now shattered mirror she wasn’t even in control of her body anymore she was a slave to the rage as she pulled the shard of glass out a wince left her lips watching the blood drip down her knuckles and into the sink felt almost poetic for how she was feeling.. Empty like the blood leaving her body empty a smile at this thought before hearing a rapid succession of knocks on her door walking back into the room she pulled on some clothes and wrapped her hand as silently as she could going back into the bathroom she sighed inwardly of course no windows which meant there was only one way out she’d have to go through the door, The knocking more urgent now she didn’t have her gun or knives handy so it’ll be a fist fight for freedom she opened the door hands raised seeing him of all people standing there her body gave up and her hands dropped she didn’t have to worry about crying now the tears came freely he embraced her as gently as he always did “My god I’ve found you, I’m here I’ve found you” he held her close but she couldn’t speak not yet so she allowed the sobs to flow. He allowed her to cry on his shoulder she desperately clutching onto him like he was her lifeline she seemed pathetic to herself but he would never see her like that she knew that after her sobbing had passed she got angry again “What are you doing here? Sh*t! When someone leaves you that’s it! Take the f***ing hint!” She snapped at him why didn’t he get it? Why couldn’t he see she was protecting him she expected him to shout back, Call her a coward and selfish but he didn’t he simply looked in at her with love and admiration which of course made Candice worse “God damnit Jensen! Go away! Leave me! Just do yourself a favour and go!!” Again he didn’t speak he just let her go through the motions her anger turned to an almost pleading now “Please.. Jensen just go..” she wiped a tear from her face quickly “Please..” that last please almost a whisper he stood and she thought he was going to leave instead he began to pick up her things and place them in her suit case the confusion evident on her face “What.. What are you doing?” She asked as she watched him he turned to her and spoke softly “Taking you home” what? Hadn’t he been listening? She couldn’t be around him it was dangerous for him but of course he didn’t understand this he just knew he loved her and he wasn’t taking no for an answer she began to panic she couldn’t leave with him “NO!!” She shouted he didn’t even flinch before she ran away she had told him who she was and that he was a job she told him he meant nothing to her and it was just a job she didn’t tell him everything though “Jensen! No!” He dropped her things now and turned on her grabbing both of her arms forcing her to listen to him “Candice listen to me now! You and I are leaving here and going home I know who you are and I know you think I am nothing too you and I am still f***ing here! I know you feel something for me, You are scared I get it but you don’t have to be you’re not alone” she swung her arms freeing herself from his grasp and shook her head “I’m sorry I had to run.. I figured ruining one day for you.. well it was better then ruining the rest of your life.. Can’t you see what I did was for the best... Let me go” she pleaded again “Please.. They..” she sighed now she had to tell him it was the only way “This isn’t real and they’ make me kill you! So just go! Because I’ll have to kill you! GO!” She shouted the last word now just as he picked up her gun off the floor he shoved it in her hands “Well? F***ing do it” he told her bringing her hand holding the gun up to his head “F***ING DO IT” he screamed at her now so mad that he was literally foaming at the mouth “Come on!! Do it! F***ing do it!!” She was shaking her whole body was shaking her lip quivering as she looked in at the scene in front of her “Stop..” she said before he spoke again “You’ll have to do it eventually right? So might as well be f***ing now Candice because if you don’t come back with me now? I am already f***ing dead! You might as well finish the job right?” He closed his eyes “Come on! Do it” he was pleading with her like he wanted it to end she couldn’t get why? Why he wanted her so much she didn’t love him but she didn’t feel nothing for him that she could just end his life right now she was slapped out of her thought quite literally as he slapped the gun out of her hands and grasped her by the chin softer now then he was before “Now stop f***ing wasting my time and let’s go!” 0 Comments

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