Country: United States
March 31, 2020
05/24/2020 12:51 PM
dennis again pt. 5 of 5
where do dreams go when they die?
pt. 5 of 5
all i see are bodies. some dead, some moving. reaching, crying, begging. there are women cradling men and men cradling women. i see people, glimpses of a night gone wrong and the lingering remnant of liquor and cigarettes.
in the background i hear the sirens and i’ve all but given up hope on finding dennis. i hope he’s run far from here.
and i raise my hands, because it is what men like me are taught. yield and pray they don’t kill you. yield, but they’ll probably still kill you anyway.
they never liked the color of your skin. even if you are one of them.
“police! don’t move!”
they kick down the unlocked door and step over bodies. one, two, three, four white men.
they move to the sound of the beat still playing in the background. someone has the good sense to turn it off and a gun is pointed to his chest.
“we’re going to need back up,” one of them says into a walkie talkie. “-winchester avenue. gunman unaccounted for. . .”
jeanine will likely never speak to me again after this, but that’s the least of my problems. i need to find dennis.
“i’m looking for-”
“shut your f***ing mouth.” and now a gun is being held to mine. there’s no comfort in his voice. he looks at me like i’m just another gangbanger. as if i’m the one who caused this.
i probably did. it’s my fault they’re here anyway, but i have to try.
“i said shut the f*** up.”
and he’s not playing, but i hear a scream and i run anyway. chased by the sound of gunshots. it reminds me of a firecracker and brings me back to the summer. but there’s no comfort in this sound now, it just brings death.
i know i’ve probably caused more devastation. that guy by the radio is probably dead now, because killing one means killing all. but i’ve got to see. i’ve got to know.
“he’s dead!” a woman over a body cries.
i recognize the shoes. i know those shoes, because i got them last week. and it feels like the air is being taken out of me.
ten year olds don’t die. especially kids like dennis. they don’t. not him, not dennis. the kid who wanted to play games and talk sh*t. he’s not dead, he’s not dead. he’s not dead.
i want to push the woman away, but instead i’m kneeling beside her within arm’s reach of him. i touch his hand and it’s still warm. she’s screaming he’s dead and i want to push her. i want to push her, i want to hit her, i want to kill her.
shut the f*** up.
“shut the f*** up, shut the f*** up, shut the f*** up!” i’m screaming at her against my better judgement and i feel the gun pressed into the back of my head.
“put your f***ing hands behind your back.”
get on with it, i want to tell him. just kill me, i know you will anyway. but the shot never comes. just the sharp thud of his gun against the back of my head and warmth.
05/22/2020 10:45 PM
red solo cup pt. 4 of 5
tw; gun violence.
[text] party at 364 winchester ave. come through.
pt 4 of 5.
“yo, hand me a beer,”
he was beginning to get a migraine, it was sharp in his temple. the music wasn’t helping, although his head was throbbing in perfect synchrony to the beat. he would’ve laughed any other time, but this wasn’t the moment.
“f***ing- hey! hand me a f***ing beer.”
someone tossed a can, landing on lionel. must not have been finished, because his shirt was wet. he looked like a pug. squished nose, bugged out eyes.. not very menacing, but when angled just right -
a blur of black passed by his face, but one blink and he saw jay crashing to the floor, lionel on top of him. “f***ing hit me again.”
that chair was gone. whatever was left of it was broken in shards, snapped right in half. jeanine wasn’t going to be too happy about that. he was already making excuses for what could’ve gone wrong.
the two all over each other. arms flying, legs flailing, fat peeking out from the hem of a shirt. blurry punches and the stains of blood on the floor. amidst this, they were pulled apart by two nameless faces. spitting, angry words as bodies scrambled to reassemble.
there was a lot of energy going around this table. he didn’t vibe with it, so he took another hit from his joint and passed it to his left.
“not so bad right?” someone was saying beside him. “easy pick up and drop off.”
it wouldn’t have been so bad if he didn’t have a house full of people to soften the suspicion around them. that was the thing about amateurs, they always needed some type of cover. an excuse to show people what they could do.
“yeah. just this f***ing migraine.”
“i got something for that. easy stuff, like tylenol.”
he took the joint back, took the pills he handed him too. didn’t bother to look, he didn’t want to ruin the new alliance. he just needed to be rid of the pain, so he chased them back and rode out the last embers of sharpness.
“-the hell did you give me?” he said as an afterthought.
“oxy, man. good sh*t.”
he laughed, “f*** man, i wanted tylenol.”
“i gave you a strong one.”
he gaged time by the way he felt, but how he felt wasn’t real. at least the migraine had gone, but how long had it been. an hour? two? long enough for the party to clear out without him realizing. long enough for the after party argument that he’d stumbled into.
“this is our f***ing territory. you’d be good to watch your f***ing back,” the kid nearest him was saying. he was young, real young. maybe not even legal. how’d he miss that?
the other, much older stood there. his gaze was hard, didn’t even look like he was breathing. just standing, like anyone could walk over and push him down.
“aye-” he started to say, but was pulled back. and he let himself be pulled back, because he was flying. he was almost floating on the feeling. maybe he wasn’t even real. did he even exist?
“man, get the f*** out of here,” the young one was saying. real mouthy, like he knew the world and all the sh*t that went on within it. that was the problem with mouthy kids, they didn’t know. just pretended. “man, i said get the fu-”
he didn’t finish.
there was a sound of popping. the kid lifted off his feet by the force of power. and then there was chaos.
bodies peeled from the walls and ran to the doors. some fell, others pushed. there was no knowing who was alive and who wasn’t. he was just trying to screw his mind back together.
he reached for his gun, but it wasn’t there. a force of habit, he dove for his room.
the gun, the gun, the gun.
it was gone.
where did he last see him? the only memory he had was earlier when he’d seen him in his room. playing that f***ing video game, always with the video games.
but he wasn’t there. the room was empty. the sound of gunshots, mixed with sirens. a lonely beat played on repeat. over and over to the throbbing of his head. he wanted to tear himself apart to locate where he’d last seen him.
then he remembered. somewhere in the blur of this mess, he’d seen him. big round eyes found him across the room, a shake of disapproval, and then he was gone in the crowd. the moment had been so brief.
where the f*** is dennis.
05/21/2020 02:35 PM
drugs pt. 3 of 5
“put your f***ing hands behind your back.”
pt. 3 of 5
“yeah, i got it.”
he takes in hits like he’s got something to prove. the ceiling is spinning, but he’s probably alright. some sort of misalignment with the world. maybe he’s just really that high.
from where he sits, he can hear dennis. must’ve lost the level again, because the controller drops with a thud and the bed creaks with the weight of him on it. the swears follow and the destruction of sheets being torn of. kid really needed to get a new hobby.
“dan - the f*** man? how many times do i have to ask the question.”
“wha-?” he had forgotten he was on the phone, mid thought away from something genius. “f***, yeah.” that idea was gone to the energy of the world. hopefully someone would catch it. “yeah, yeah - i got it,” he says it again, because he cant remember if he’s already mentioned it.
“yeah, i f***ing know. i’m saying is the house full tonight ?”
“just the kid.” the babysitting duty never ended. the first time was some sort of contractual error that left him in charge of dennis eighty percent of the time now. not that he minded.
“he’ll never know we’re there. see you tonight.”
the phone clicked and he realized just after that he’d made a very big mistake. one that probably couldn’t be undone without damage to his trust level. he needed to prove that he was capable of doing this. stubbing the joint off the nightside table, he took a few minutes to get back to earth and then slid off the bed.
dennis was back at the game, from what he could hear. so, he flipped the mattress over, and sifted through a bag of money and drugs until he found his gun. tucking it into his waist band, he searched for the badge and phone. badge was tucked away, the phone was turned on.
one call was made.
“we got a problem.”
05/01/2020 08:21 PM
dennis pt. 2 of 5
“think fast-” he said, taking a moment to give the kid a second to respond before tossing the sandwich at him.
“why is it wet?” dennis asked, setting it aside, before taking a good look at him. “uh- why are you wet?”
“maybe a thank you for going out in a storm to get me lunch?”
he shook himself off at the bedroom door, pulling the shirt off and tossing it aside.
he took a seat beside him, fully expecting the kid to push him off. when he didn’t, he leaned back and relaxed. still had the shoe on, but too lazy to bend, he let his toe wiggle around the front.
“pickles? f*** how many times do i- hey wait...” as if a thought just occurred to him. “where’d you get the money from?”
as if catching his cue, he got up without answering. this was one of those situations where less was more always applied, but he was already starting to laugh.
“hey a**hole, where’d you get the money?” and then, “you didn’t-” he began to sift through his drawers and then. . . “yo!”
“ha ha sucker!” he ducked to avoid a shoe. “think of it as payback from the time you stole my weed and i didn’t tell your mom.” he narrowly missed the pillow on the way out.
“you’re welcome!” he crooned, listening as dennis groaned in the background.
“eat sh*t dan!”
05/01/2020 08:20 PM
cubano pt. 1 of 5
“put your f***ing hands behind your back.”
saturday, ten hours earlier.
pt. 1 of ?
the rain started about halfway through his walk to the grocery store. he’d finally managed to get a couple bucks together and that cubano he had a couple of weeks back was calling to him. only thing stopping him was the rain and the convenient hole at the bottom of his shoe. with each step he took, he felt the sponged up sock sloshing about in there. he was aching to take it off and be done with it, but he was determined.
from the safety of the awning he was hoarding, he could see a woman fast approaching. she saw him too, squaring her shoulders back. these were the little things he noticed about people over the years. she looked through him as she walked by, the umbrella grazing the side of his head.
the rain let up and he made his move.
at the entrance, people stopped to close their umbrellas. shaking them out as they went in to avoid the rainfall. he slipped past them, avoiding the stares.
“lemme get two cubanos.” he told the girl at the counter, moving aside as he aired out the crumpled bills in his hand. laying them flat, he felt something knock against his leg and looked down to a screaming toddler and up at the furious mother marching toward them.
“pérdon, pérdon. . .” she was tugging the boy away and he was kicking and screaming. it went on like this for another few minutes. she looked like she wanted to drop dead of shame. eventually she was able to scoop him up and out of the store, leaving behind her basket of groceries.
he hadn’t realized anyone else had been in on the scene until two women that looked old enough to know better began to speak.
“-like get a hold of your child.”
“right? how embarrassing. if it were me, i would have died. my child would never behave like that.”
“-but did you see how she was grabbing his arm? isn’t that considered child abuse?”
he wanted to say something, he really did. if the girl hadn’t called his order, he was about to get into it, but he also knew better than to start sh*t in a whole foods. so he didn’t, but that didn’t stop him from giving them a look on the way out.
“-did you see that guy?”
it was the last thing he caught before he was back out of distance and back to the rain.
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