(writer's note: Credit to Spike's/Versifier's writer for inspiring this Buffy x Willow fluffy with the idea of Willow having a little confusing and secret Buffy crush before she becomes fully aware later on in her life about her liking of the same sex).
ooh you can dance you can jive having the time of your life ooh, see that girl watch that scene digging the dancing queen
"The Casey Trevor asked you to the Flashback Seventies Dance, Buffy!" Willow rejoiced, grabbing onto Buffy's arm and giving it a shake. She was so happy for her best friend. Willow knew that lately she had been feeling pretty discouraged when it came to the dating department, but this was good!
Buffy smiled in excitement and nearly squealed out her words, "I know!" She was blushing now, tucking her hair behind her left ear. "I can't believe he even asked me... I've only spoken to him a few times in math class. Here I thought he'd be into Cordelia or something. She was always practically throwing herself onto him." Her eyes rolled, as she descended to take a seat on the grass under the tree in front of their school - it was a usual hang out spot whenever they wanted to have lunch out in the sun, instead of being stuck inside, or sitting at the outdoor tables with the rest of the student body.
"It's that Buffy Summers charm! I knew you had it in you. You were just being all down on yourself. I don't see a reason though." Willow shrugged, lowering herself to sit next to Buffy. "You're all sorts of pretty and fashionable and funny..." She began listing things she admired in Buffy - dare she say, found attractive in her? Willow then rose her brows and blushed at the thought. Buffy was her friend and a girl... and she liked boys. But, she could admire Buffy without it meaning anything other...
Oh boy, Willow was having a moment.
"Aw, Willow, you think I'm all that? You're sweet!" Buffy leaned over to kiss Willow on the cheek, before laying her head upon her shoulder. Buffy's words had pulled Willow out of her little moment of confusing Buffy girl crush thoughts, but the kiss on her cheek sent her heart racing for a moment - cheeks blushing, but Buffy didn't notice. "I think you're all sorts of pretty and fashionable and funny too, you know?" Buffy said, smiling, as she lifted her head off of Willow's shoulder and grabbed for her bag of apple slices; pulling the bag open and offering a slice to Willow.
Buffy munched on one herself. "If I were a dude, I'd totally be falling for that Willow charm, asap!"
"Yeah... I mean... Xander asked me to go with him to the dance... you know, after he got rejected by all the popular girls. Including you." The words left Willow's lips with a small sigh, the look on her face almost looked defeated - and now it was Buffy's turn to try to cheer her up.
"Oh! Hey. Boys could be stupid sometimes. It's Xander we're talking about here. Willow charm, if he misses out on it, it's his loss." Buffy shrugged her shoulders, popping another apple slice into her mouth. Now, if only she could encourage herself like that more often.
Willow scrunched her mouth to the side for a moment and nodded her head, then flashed Buffy a small smile. It was time to change the subject - she didn't want to bring Buffy down with her talks of crushing on Xander. Wow, her thought process was very strange lately. Xander, Buffy, Xander, Buffy. She was starting to freak herself out. "Anyways, it's not like it's anything new. I've been stuck going to dances with Xander for the longest." She laughed, "But you! Casey Trevor!" Willow nudged Buffy on the shoulder with her shoulder; a big bright grin upon her face.
"I KNOW!" Buffy squeaked.
friday night and the lights are low looking out for a place to go where they play the right music getting in the swing you come to look for a king
"So, I'll pick you up at eight?"
"Yeah! Can't wait! c u soon!" -Kiss emoji here.-
-Heart and wink emoji-
It was finally the day of the dance and Buffy was over the moon! She and Casey had been texting each other non-stop, they had been talking more at school in between their classes by her locker; and somehow, so far, Buffy had been able to juggle her Slayer duties and her dating life all together - along with all the extracurricular activities that she had signed herself up for. Tonight, she was relieved of her Slayer job and Giles would be doing it for her. He had given her the free pass to enjoy herself and be a teenage girl. Although it took a lot of whining and puppy dog eyes (with the help of Willow, of course) before he could finally comply to what he called "their silly little dance" and then commenced to complain that "the fate of the world could surely be put on hold for a night" which was totally sarcasm, but Willow and Buffy were just that - teenage girls, and they could care less at the moment about any of those bigger things.
A dance, boys! That's all they could squeal about and giggle and anticipate.
Buffy was so excited! She couldn't seem to think about anything else other than standing so close to Casey Trevor; slow dancing with him and kissing. Kissing hadn't happened yet, but oh! Kissing was going to definitely happen tonight!
The theme was the Seventies, and so Buffy went with a retro look, of course inspired by one of her fashion role models, Twiggy (after changing about a hundred times before she found the perfect outfit) - her hair was braided into a chunky side braid that fell over her left shoulder, she wore nude stockings, black platformed open-toed mary janes. Her clothes were stolen from her mother's closet - a button-up corduroy dress in burnt orange and a white turtleneck. Her make-up and the accessories that she added really completed her look.
Buffy was ready and perfectly on time; she gave herself one last look in her mirror and added more clear lipgloss upon her lips for good measure, before grabbing her bag and heading downstairs.
Joyce was in the living room and had looked over to see her daughter standing there, all dolled-up. She complimented her with ooh's and ahh's and Buffy showed herself off to her with a confident little smile playing at her features.
And then, the doorbell rang.
"That's my date!"
anybody could be that guy night is young and the music's high with a bit of rock music everything is fine you're in the mood for a dance
Tall, dark hair, beautiful brown eyes and those lips... Buffy couldn't stop thinking about them all night. In fact, her temptation got so high, that she found herself leaning forward, mid-sentence at a red light and stealing a kiss from him. Was it a bold move? It was... but Casey hadn't seemed to be bothered by it. In fact, he smiled and chuckled, licking his lips and side-eyeing her for a moment. "Cherry lip gloss?" He teased her and Buffy grinned at him, a soft blush upon her cheeks and over her nose. She really wanted to reserve their first kiss for a slow dance moment, but Buffy was feeling impulsive, and usually when she wanted to do something, she just did it without giving it too much thought. This was one of those cases, and luckily for her, it seemed to have worked in her favor.
Was this it? Would she finally have a steady guy to call her own? Buffy was trying her best not to get her hopes up, just in case something did happen (she was actually expecting something to happen at this point, it always did) but she was also trying to be a little more optimistic about it all - the way Willow told her to be. Buffy just had to tap into Hemery High Buffy, the one before all the Slayer business. The one that was confident around boys and was confident enough to take what she wanted, when she wanted. Before all the whole Slayer thing made her scared and secretive around her potential love interests. Before half of them always left her because she was weird and always ghosting or... you know... some of them ended up dead during her dates too. That was the worse case scenario.
Buffy's eyes widened and shifted at the thought. What possessed Casey to still consider asking her to the dance after hearing all these things about her? Buffy had no idea, but she was glad that he did. Even if this was some pity thing... even if in the end... they might not work out. She'd enjoy the moment while it lasted.
"Here we are." He announced, as they finally pulled up to the Sunnydale High parking lot.
Buffy stared out her window to see other students in costume arriving and walking towards the gym. She could hear the loud disco music blaring from inside. Her teeth bit down on her bottom lip and suddenly she was feeling nervous - butterflies in her stomach. She wasn't sure if Casey had noticed, but he had slipped his hand into hers and grabbed her attention.
He smiled, "You ready to boogie with me all night long?" Casey chuckled at how cheesy he just sounded and Buffy flashed him a smile and a giggle.
"Only if you're ready to feel tha funk." She joked right back.
This was going too well - Buffy was starting to feel paranoid.
and when you get the chance you are the dancing queen young and sweet only seventeen dancing queen feel the beat from the tambourine oh yeah
Buffy walked into the decorated gym hand in hand with Casey Trevor; as smitten as ever. She could see Cordelia giving her the side-eye, even though she had her own date to worry about, but Buffy gave her a smug little grin as she passed her by. Cordelia rolled her eyes in annoyance. Casey greeted a few of his friends with that handsome smile of his and a nod of his head. This was perfect. Again, worry sank into her stomach for a moment, but she was trying her best to push it to the side. Her blue eyes focused on the disco ball that twirled above the middle of the dance floor and she thought to herself about how pretty it looked... and how soon enough, she'd be so close to Casey, dancing right under it's twinkling lights.
"Wait here, I'm gonna get us some punch." Casey spoke and pulled Buffy out of her thoughts. She smiled and nodded her head at him, taking a seat at the table he told her to wait for him at. She watched him walk away and mused to herself about how cute his butt was. Buffy softly giggled, sighing happily, before scanning the groups of people from where she sat, looking for Xander and Willow. Where were they? She hadn't seen them since she walked in. In fact, she hadn't heard of them at all. Not even a text - which was pretty weird... but, again... Buffy was trying to think positive.
Maybe Willow finally told Xander about her crush and they were making out in a corner or something. She'll just text Willow and figure out where they were at.
Buffy pulled out her cellphone and swiped her thumb against the screen's surface; opening Willow's last text. She began to type, when...
"Buffy!" There she was.
"Willow! You look so pretty! Love the flower child look." Buffy greeted her with a compliment and a smile that soon faded away and became replaced with a look of confusion.
Willow looked out of breath... concerned.... scared.
"Oh thank god, you're here!" Xander came running in right after Willow, his aqua blue tuxedo seemed to be ripped up... as if he had just wrestled a bear and lost.
"Wait, what's happening?" Buffy asked, standing to her feet quickly.
"Well... I kinda didn't want to tell you. I didn't want to mess up your date with Casey..." Willow began to explain, her tone sounding as sorry as ever.
Buffy grabbed her shoulders and squeezed softly. "Hey! Hey, you need to tell me what's up, Willow."
"I, well..." Willow was stumbling over her words, but then she took in a deep breath, closed her eyes and began to explain. The words were coming out of her mouth a mile-a-minute. Good thing Buffy could keep up with fast talkers.
"I didn't want your date to be ruined, so I tried to cast a protection spell on the school for the night. You know, to keep bad guys away and you could have a perfect date night... but then... it didn't exactly do much for protecting and, and-"
"To make it short!" Xander interrupted over Willow's shoulder, "Remember cute little Scotty the bunny rabbit? Miss Welsh's classroom pet? Yeah. He's uh... not so little and not so cute now."
Buffy furrowed her brows. What the hell did that mean? Whatever it it was... Buffy knew she had to fix it. She looked behind her towards the table that Casey had gone off to get them punch... Abba started playing. Dancing Queen. Buffy liked this song... she wished she could stay... but she needed to help her friends. They were more important than this.
Buffy sighed and looked back at Willow and Xander; she nodded her head once. "Alright, let's go! Explain on the way there." Buffy grabbed Willow's hand and followed Xander outside of the gym and into the dark hallways of the school.
you can dance you can jive having the time of your life ooh, see that girl watch that scene digging the dancing queen
"I have no idea why my protection spell backfired. I think I accidentally summoned a demon and all I know is that Scotty started freaking out and then he started growing and we were trying to hold it off and fight for you, but we couldn't... Oh, Buffy I'm so sorry!" Willow groaned behind Buffy.
Buffy shook her head, "Don't sweat it, Will." Was she upset? Of course she was, but Buffy could acknowledge that Willow was just trying to help. She just made a mistake... mistakes happen. Buffy was in no place to judge her. Willow's heart was in the right place. It was the thought that mattered.
"So... when you said not cute and not so little, how big are we..."
Buffy was interrupted by loud thrashing and an even louder roar that shook her to the very core, coming from right around the corner of the hallway they were standing at.
They all stopped in their tracks; wide-eyed and scared. Buffy gulped and Xander and Willow stood behind her.
"Nevermind... I think I just got my answer." Buffy said.
"Where'd you go?"
"Bathroom break! Be right back! x"
you're a teaser, you turn 'em on leave 'em burning and then you're gone looking out for another anyone will do you're in the mood for a dance
Buffy was swift with her movements, there was a fire axe gripped tightly in her hands; swinging around, trying to catch the giant demon fluffball. Was this something she had ever imagined herself doing someday? Of course not! When she was feeling nervous about tonight, did she picture herself trying to chop-up a giant white fluffy bunny rabbit from the depths of Hell? Again, hard no. But, Buffy wasn't surprised about anything anymore. It was Sunnydale - she was the Slayer. Weird things happened all the time.
"It's been a while... are you alright?"
"... Are you actually coming back?"
Buffy's phone was blowing up, but she couldn't focus on that at the moment. She had something bigger to deal with right now - and it was in the form of a giant demon rabbit.
"Xander, watch out!" Buffy yelled, running over towards him; she shoved him aside and swung the axe to dig into Scotty's shoulder - the creature growled and screeched in pain, swiping a giant clawed hand at her. Buffy was hit, sent flying backwards into the desks behind her. Her breath hitched at the pain that shot through her spine, and she groaned.
"Buff, are you alright?!" Xander called out.
"Great..." Buffy responded under her breath, her tone sarcastic.
"I think I found it!" Willow rejoiced from one of the corners of the room. A reversal spell to bring Scotty back to normal, but she needed to concentrate. It was hard to concentrate when she could still hear Abba playing in the background. Such a catchy song. "I just need you to distract him a little more, Buffy."
"Distract... right. On it." Buffy groaned again as she pushed herself up from the floor, grabbing the axe that had slid under a desk behind her. "Alright, it's time for this maiden to shoo your ass back to your rabbit hutch in Hell."
Scotty was roaring again, foaming at the mouth; eyes glowing red, blood adorning his white fur, pouring from the shoulder wound Buffy had given him minutes ago. He was clearly pissed off - clearly wanted to bite Buffy's head off like a giant human carrot. Leave it to her to be dressed in orange tonight. Funny coincidence.
Buffy stared at Scotty with a challenging glare and right when it began to charge towards her, Xander had jumped onto its back; wrapping his arms around its neck. Scotty thrashed and spun, growling and roaring, clawing at its neck to pull Xander off, but Xander kept his grip on it. His fingers grabbing fistfuls of white and bloody fur.
"Get him, Buffy!" Xander yelled.
But, Buffy hesitated. She knew that Willow's plan was to save Scotty. To possibly turn him back to normal, but things were taking longer than they should've, and they were all in the line of danger. One of them could get hurt... or even worse, killed. And if Scotty escaped this classroom? Well... the rest of the student body was in danger too.
It was a hard decision to make, but Buffy had to do it. She had to kill Scotty. "I'm sorry about this..." She apologized, before climbing up and over the desk before her and jumping up into the air, her hands gripped tightly at the axe's handle.
Right into the middle of Scotty's forehead it went and a gush of blood sprayed out through the crack, it caught Buffy right across her chest and face. The giant rabbit thrashed about in pain and Xander was finally sent flying off its back and crashing against the teacher's desk with a loud thump. Buffy's grip never loosened on the axe, going along for the wild ride of the panicking demon bunny; with all her strength, she pulled the axe out of its skull, only to bring it crashing back down onto its body - wherever she could catch him. Scotty fought back, but Buffy was quicker. She chopped, and chopped, and chopped until there was blood splattered everywhere, chunks of bloody fur leaping onto her dress. Good thing Abba was drowning out all the noise.
Buffy didn't stop until there was no more movement... no more sound.
Then bright light consumed its body and giant demon bunny... had gone back to normal...
"I guess it worked..." Willow chimed in from behind a bloody and out of breath Buffy Summers.
With a loud clank, Buffy tossed the axe to the floor and blinked a few times, staring down at the tiny mutilated bunny corpse. She felt horrible all of a sudden.
"Yeah... a little too late there, Willow..." Xander spoke, once he had limped himself over to them.
Buffy's phone buzzed and caught her attention. "Casey!" She retorted.
"Uh, I guess not. Great date, Summers."
and when you get the chance you are the dancing queen young and sweet only seventeen dancing queen feel the beat from the tambourine oh yeah
Buffy was a mess now, her dress and face were stained with dry blood. Her hair was sticking out of her braid, her make-up was running, her stockings were ripped and there was three large gashes on the side of her mother's corduroy dress. This was gonna be a hard thing to explain... but Joyce didn't seem to ask too many questions nowadays. She just... seemed to ignore and pretend she wasn't seeing what she was seeing. Buffy figured that was better than tossing her into a psychiatric center again.
But, despite looking as crazy as she did at the moment - Buffy burst right into the gym again, in search of Casey. She had to explain that she hadn't ditched him, she had to explain that... something... had just come up. How could she explain what she looked like now? She'd think of something... right? Buffy was unsure if she could.
Xander and Willow had walked right into the dance with her and almost immediately, everyone began to notice their disheveled state. People audibly groaned in disgust and moved away from Buffy and Xander who were covered in blood and looked the worst. Xander limped through the crowd, flashing everyone a little grin, as confident as he could make it - as if nothing were wrong. Willow seemed shy and awkward between the two... and Buffy, well... she could care less about the starring and the whispered comments. It wouldn't be the first time.
"What a freak..." A female voice retorted as she passed her by.
Abba had finished playing and a slow song had taken its place.
And there was Casey! ... On the dancefloor, standing so very close to somebody else.
Harmony Kendell... cuddled up in his arms, stealing her dance, stealing her date, stealing her kiss under the disco ball.
"Oh... Buffy... I'm sorry... this is my fault..." Willow said, softly placing a hand on Buffy's shoulder in hopes of being some sort of comfort. "I ruined everything."
Xander scoffed behind Buffy. "What a jerk..."
"Yeah..." Buffy responded. You know what? Xander was right. Casey was a total jerk. He so easily dropped her for the next pretty girl on the list. Buffy's brows furrowed and her hand slipped into Willow's; she gripped it tightly.
"I'm still owed a slow dance, you know?" Buffy turned to Willow with a soft smile upon her face.
Willow reddened, but flashed Buffy a small smile of her own. She was so glad that her best friend was not upset at her.
"Oh yeah, steal my date too." Xander said on the side, but lets be honest, he just wanted to sit down. His body hurt from having to deal with killer demon bunny and his limp had him in no position to be dancing at all.
The girls rolled their eyes at him playfully, and he grinned at them, "Well, go. I think my body wants me to sit down. I've done enough dancing with Scotty the demon rabbit." He chuckled.
Willow placed a kiss upon Xander's cheek before he walked off to go grab a seat, and Buffy pulled her onto the dance floor. A mess or not, Willow was always there for her. She didn't even seem to care that Buffy had pulled her close and was pressed up against her - caked blood on her dress and face. Buffy's arms wrapped around Willow's shoulders, and her chin rested against the crook of the red head's neck.
Willow felt nervous. Butterflies in her stomach. There came those confusing thoughts again. Buffy smelled nice, despite the state that she was in, and she felt nice, standing so close. This was okay... they were best friends. They loved each other. Willow wrapped her arms around Buffy's waist, and the two softly swayed to the slow music.
Her slow dance wasn't being shared with Casey, but... Buffy somehow liked this better. Willow made her feel calm, made her feel special, even when everyone else was looking at her as if she were crazy - judging her, calling her names. She loved her, Buffy couldn't ask for a better best friend.
"Thank you, Willow..." Buffy uttered.
"For what?" Willow asked, her head now resting against Buffy's shoulder - a smile upon her face that refused to leave.
"For being the best date I could've ever had..."
you can dance you can jive having the time of your life ooh, see that girl watch that scene digging the dancing queen digging the dancing queen...
Things were rather complicated for Buffy Summers lately in the love department. She really couldn't understand it, to be honest. It was as if becoming the Slayer came hand in hand with the fact that she would no longer function in having a relationship with anyone romantically, unless it involved some sort of doom in the future forecast. Back when she was in Los Angeles, before Merrick had found her and thrust the whole birthright thing onto her, she was actually doing pretty good when it came to boys. In fact, she was usually the one giving out the rejection letters. She had so many to choose from, that she could literally sit there and pick a different flavor for every day of the week if she wanted to! Well, except for that one time with with Billy Fordham. He was the first to ever reject Buffy's interests, but she was in middle school - that didn't count for anything, right? Or... was he the beginning of some sort of foreshadowing? No way! Tyler, Jeffrey... Pike. That was definitely where things got rocky - even worse when she met Angel. That entire relationship left her broken, but somehow she still found it in herself to stand back up onto her feet again; dust herself off and try again. She wanted to try. All Buffy wanted was some sense of normalcy in her crazy life... someone that would love her, know her, hold her...
That's all Buffy wanted. Love. Was it too much to ask? Or did she not deserve it? With every failed attempt at a relationship, with every unsuccessful date... Buffy was slowly losing that hope that burned within her. The fire was burning out. It was pointless. Wasn't it? Why did she keep trying so hard?
"Love sucks," She would groan drunkenly after gulping down the second drink of liquor that a familiar platinum blonde pain in her ass had bought for her.
a bad reputation insatiable habits
For reasons unknown to Buffy at the time, her sworn enemy had volunteered to be her therapist every time he caught her wallowing around The Bronze; frown on her face, sitting miserable and alone at a table in a dark corner of the nightclub - feeling too defeated to even pick a fight with him or threaten him. It was weird at first, but the more it happened, the more normal it became for her to spill her guts out about all her troubles having to do with the wretched 'L' word. It was strange that Spike had chosen to sit and listen, to ask, to care. He could've just killed her right then and there, started a fight, but he never did. Not when she was like this, down in the dumps. Instead, he'd light a cigarette (which Buffy would scrunch her nose about), grab them some drinks, and lend her his attention.
Buffy would be lying if she said that it didn't feel nice to have someone listen to her without passing any judgement for once. Sure, she had friends, but she never knew what to say to them exactly, she never knew what feelings she would convey that might annoy them in some way or the other. She was always scared of making them mad at her somehow. Especially Xander, he was always so judgy about her and her choices. Always questioning who she chose to date.
Spike was different, he understood her; even if they were back at each other's throats the very next night as if they had never shared such intimate moments with each other. Buffy didn't trust Spike very much on many things, but she seemed to trust him with her deepest secrets. Even her darkest thoughts would somehow fall from her lips around him.
Why was that?
he was onto me one look and i couldn't breathe
It took Buffy a while to actually realize the things that were unraveling between her and Spike, and she didn't even want to believe it at first. How could a soulless vampire find it within themselves to love? Oh... but he loved Drusilla just fine, didn't he? And... he gave her the time of day (night?) To actually listen to her troubles. Spike was very much different from the soulless vampires that she had encountered before, and although there was denial there from Spike at first - eventually, things escalated between them. It was so fast that Buffy didn't even know what hit her. She didn't even know how to react, what to say, what to do.
A fight, a tumble, a kiss... and she ran away.
Then it was her turn to be in denial. To really rub it into his face that although the moment happened it meant nothing - not a single thing, and it wouldn't happen ever again! But then Spike confessed his true feelings for her; it was his turn to spill his guts and for her to listen, but Buffy didn't want to listen. She couldn't offer him the same courtesy that he had given her time and time again. This was different, this was about her... about Spike and his feelings for her. His love. There was no way that this was happening! And it wasn't going to happen, not ever! Not even if he was the last man on Earth.
Fate had a different plan for them. Spike was relentless, Spike was... sweet... romantic... understanding and wild. Buffy kept coming back, despite trying to convince herself that she wouldn't. Despite telling him over and over that she wouldn't, that it would be the last time... a mantra that she repeated to herself, but she could never follow through. Buffy couldn't help it, the way Spike made her feel was beyond any words she could think of. There was a pull there, passion that burned beneath their flesh for each other - this intensity that consumed Buffy like a living flame. When their lips touched, she felt the sparks, when he'd touch her, she felt the heat that left invisible traces along her body as his hands explored her every curve - and when they were together, when she was sharing her body with his own, it felt like Heaven; fireworks, supernovas.
Their connection ran deep and as scared as she was about the ferocity of it all, Buffy just couldn't keep away. She craved it, like a drug. Spike had become her addiction and her fix.
yeah, i said if he kissed me i might let it happen
It was all purely physical at first for Buffy; only sexual in nature and nothing more. She promised herself that she wouldn't get attached, that she wouldn't fall deeper into whatever it was that she and Spike had going. Was it wrong of her to think that way? Especially knowing how Spike felt about her? Was she taking advantage of him? Using him? Was it wrong that although she would say no, her objection was never fully pushed enough to actually make him stop? Buffy was weak to his touch, to his voice and the sweet nothings that he would whisper into her ear. She didn't want him to stop. She couldn't even convince herself to believe such a front. Spike's presence was intoxicating and Buffy was beginning to become aware of just how vulnerable she was becoming around him. Buffy hated him, hated the hold that he seemed to have over her - hated the fact that he was always right about her coming back to him. She hated that he seemed to know her so well, and hated that he could love her so much despite all her flaws... despite the fact that she treated him like he was some dirty secret. As if she were too good for him.
Honestly, sometimes she felt like she didn't deserve him at all, it was he that was too good for her. Yet, no matter what she did, he always seemed to be there. Even when she tried to avoid him, he'd always find her. No amount of pushing him away seemed to work. And little by little, Buffy was beginning to welcome the attention, her protesting began to happen less and less. She was beginning to accept it. To let herself go and be pulled under by his raging current. Buffy was beginning to fall... she could feel herself plummeting from her place in the clouds and into his darkness; comforting and familiar - his shadows felt like home to her. It's where she belonged.
"Look at them. That's not your world. You belong in the shadows, with me."
He'd whisper and Buffy believed.
i swear on my life that i've been a good girl tonight i don't want to be her
"What would they think of you, if they found out all the things you've done? If they knew... who you really were?"
Now, Buffy sneaking around with boys wasn't a new concept for her. She had done it plenty of times before, but this was definitely a different scenario - even if it felt familiar to her in some ways. Spike was far from being a boy - or human for that matter, and their relationship (or whatever it was that they had - honestly, Buffy hadn't put a name to it yet) was far from being deemed normal or right, at least... that's what Buffy was positive that her friends' opinions would be. Of course, being with a vampire wasn't new to her either, and her friends knew about Angel, but that relationship ended up in chaos - left her insecure, unsure of her footing. It was a literal hurricane that left nothing but destruction in its wake. The choice to be with Angel was frowned upon at first, but accepted eventually, and it only left her friends hurt in the end in so many ways... would they be so open to Buffy being with Spike now? Of course not.
Buffy knew better than to think such things. She knew they would judge, they would shame her for choosing Spike... of all people. Someone so 'lowly' as Xander would put it. Who would get with Spike? You had to be insane, empty-brained, or think so poorly of yourself to even consider letting such a guy bed you. No respectable girl would give him a chance, but Buffy didn't think Spike was all that bad, really. Or maybe it was because she was one of those types of girls that Xander had mentioned.
Was she disgusting? Dirty? Was she just some easy slut, desperate to scratch an itch with Spike? The things he'd do to her... the things she'd let him do... the things she kept hidden from her friends. Was she being a bad person? Being selfish? Just thinking about herself again? Was what she was doing a bad thing?
What would they think of her? Mingling with the enemy... giving her body to the very demon that destroyed others like her that existed before. The very monster that promised to snuff her out not too long ago. Buffy was betraying the Slayers that had lost their lives within his grasp... the ones that she constantly felt dying every night in her nightmares - and now she felt them differently, every time Spike's flesh would meet her own, every time his body would crush her; she felt them, a soul connection running four generations deep pumping within his veins; she was a willing victim to Spike. Their death made her feel alive... was she sick for feeling such ways?
If her friends knew the thoughts that ran through her head, the feelings that pulled through her veins and the fire that burned within her for Spike, they'd criticize, condemn, they wouldn't understand. They'd claim there was something wrong with her, that she was out of her mind - finally lost it, but Buffy was tired of walking the line, of being the good little Slayer everyone thought she was. She felt free with Spike... exposed - entirely herself and out of control. Buffy was entangled within this twisted romance of theirs, and she didn't want to break free from it.
they say he likes a good time (my oh my) he comes alive at midnight (every night)
There she was, at The Bronze; eyes searching the club for the flash of platinum blonde hair, for that familiar inviting gaze and that smug smirk of his that she was always met with. It was risky meeting him here, but it seemed that that was the thrilling part about it all. The fact that she could get away with this right under her friends noses. Spike was right, somewhere deep inside of her, she loved it. However, she didn't want to get caught with him - not yet... but the coast seemed clear tonight. She saw no one that she recognized at The Bronze, in fact her friends and her mom all thought she was all cuddled up in bed tonight; no patrolling, just homework and sleep. According to her text - she wasn't feeling very well. Just a little white lie. She was an expert at this - sneaking out at night, covering herself up with lies if she needed to.
Besides, she'd be alright, she was the Slayer - she could take care of herself.
Buffy's hand dug into her purse to pull out her phone; her eyes focused on the bright screen, eyeing the time. It was midnight - where was he? She frowned, dropping the phone back into her bag, eyes going back to searching the crowd, and then she felt him. His body flush against her back, his arms snaking around her waist, fingers locking against her abdomen. He pulled her close and Buffy didn't protest. She didn't have to turn around to know that it was Spike holding her - she could recognize his presence and how he felt against her already, not to mention those black polished nails of his. There were no words shared between them, instead their body's began to slowly sway to the grungy music that blared through the club's speakers. Buffy's hands lifted to rest above his own and her head tilted back to rest against his chest. Her eyes fluttered shut, reveling in the moment.
Spike's head lowered, his lips finding her neck and Buffy shuddered in his arms as he began to lay soft kisses against her skin. The hair at the back of her neck stood on end, and small jolts of electricity ran down her spine. Somehow, he could always render her putty in his hands with just a simple action. Buffy craned her neck to give him better access and her lips parted slightly - a groan bled from her lips, drowned out by the music. Spike's hands were exploring, as they usually did; against her hips, down against her thigh, hiking up her dress just enough to slip his hand around her inner thigh - squeezing, teasing. The darkness of the club concealed them, but everyone else was too busy dancing and grinding and being drunk to even notice what they were doing. Buffy's breath hitched and Spike growled against her throat. Buffy could feel him swell against her backside and she bit on her bottom pout.
She wanted him so badly.
Buffy pulled away from him, her hand grabbing onto his own; fingers entwining and she tugged him away from the dance floor, away from all the people that surrounded them. Spike followed, until they were standing beneath the metal staircase that led to the catwalk above. Her back pressed to the metal beam that held the stairs up, pulling Spike forward to pin her against solid surface and his towering form. Buffy wasted no time in capturing his lips in a needy and heated kiss; another groan escaped her, this time losing itself against Spike's mouth. His hands explored again, and so did her own; groping at him over his jeans.
All her thoughts had gone out the door, her inhibitions running along right after them. But, Buffy didn't care.
Spike grabbed at her waist, tugging her closer to him and then he stepped back, pulling her along with him. Their lips separated for a moment and she pouted in disapproval, but he was guiding her elsewhere - somewhere more hidden, somewhere more alone. Where the shadows could obscure them and their carnal activities could go uninterrupted. Buffy followed him into the dark willingly - her mind clouded over with desire.
"You see...you try to be with them, but you always end up in the dark, with me."
Spike was right. This was her rightful place... it was where she wanted to be. Consumed by the shadows, consumed by him.
(my oh my) he's only here for one thing but (so am i)
my greatest love is gone he might as well have died an impostor wears his face one i barely recognize
Buffy was distraught, devastated. Her heart ached within her chest at every waking moment. She couldn't stop thinking about him. About his touch, about his kiss, about that night that they shared...
It was all so vivid within her memory. The words that they said to each other. The sweet nothings that they whispered. How his flesh felt against her own. Buffy really thought that they'd be forever. Buffy really thought that he would be the love of her life for all eternity. As much as she wished that her brain would shut out every single thought of him, as much as she tried to keep them out. To shut herself down and keep her heart from hurting, from yearning... she just couldn't. Angel... her Angel, he was gone... and she didn't even have the chance to say goodbye. But, how could she know of his curse? How could she know that true love's kiss could bring forth such destruction, such chaos, such... pain.
That time they shared together was supposed to be special, magical. He had finally given in to her advances, opened the door to intimacy with her, but there was no warning of what was to come. Buffy couldn't help but feel guilty for the things that had unfolded. It was her fault, wasn't it? Her fault for wanting it. Her fault for pushing the moment to happen. Maybe if she hadn't been so sexual, so touchy, so forward... he'd still be here, laying beside her... telling her that he loved her for the rest of his life.
Why'd you have to be such a slut, Buffy?
Buffy felt horrible. Angel was gone. Angel didn't love her anymore, and she was to blame.
And what hurt the most was seeing him, because well... he wasn't truly gone, was he? He was still there, lurking in the shadows, mocking her now, pulling at her strings like a puppet. Getting off on her heartache and pain. Getting off on how miserable she was now without him. Everything was the same. The same voice, the same body, the same face, and the same touch... no, but everything wasn't the same... there was something off from who he used to be. Inside his body laid an imposter. Buffy could barely recognize who he was anymore. The man that stood before her now was a stranger. Simply an illusion of the man that she had once adored. Buffy wanted to touch him, feel him in her arms once again, save him... but although he was so very close to her light, he seemed too far away for her rays to reach him.
Didn't he remember who he was somewhere deep inside? Why couldn't he remember that he loved her? Why couldn't she make him remember?
No matter how many tears rained from her eyes, how much she begged for it all to stop. For all of it to be just this horrible nightmare that she'd soon wake up from. No matter how she pleaded Angel to fight it, to remember the person that he used to be. The person that loved her, that promised her forevers. That could make everything seem less crazy around her with just a simple kiss. The person that she had put on this pedestal; kneeling at his feet like a holy saint.
It was too late... he was consumed by the shadows; had fallen from the heavens that she had ascended him to.
He was a monster.
And she was pathetic.
and something burns inside of me anger eats me alive but lock us both up in a cage i'm the one who will survive
"I know what you're thinking. Maybe there's some good deep down inside of me that remembers and loves you, if only you could reach me. But then again, we have reality..."
Oh, how the words echoed within her skull. How they bounced around and repeated themselves over and over. How could be so cruel? They ignited a fire within her soul, an anger that stirred deeply from inside and scratched beneath the surface of her skin. His words were like venom. They poisoned her, setting her heart ablaze, sending liquid fire to course through her veins. Buffy was falling apart, and an array of emotions were hitting her all at once like a cold, dark wave that swallowed her whole and pulled her under the wild and raging oceans that crashed against the shores of her mind.
Buffy wanted to believe that there was still good inside of him. That Angel was just beneath the demon that was Angelus. That he was there, pleading for help, crying for her to be his saviour. However, when her gaze would meet with Angelus', there was nothing there that indicated such things. There was no good, no warmth, no love - no cry for help. His gaze seemed foreign to her now, although she was staring into the same brown eyes that had pulled her in not so long ago. The same brown eyes that had stared into her blues every other time. The same brown eyes that she drowned herself in over and over, they meant nothing to her now. They felt like nothing. His gaze was empty... devoid of good, lacking humanity. Devoid of anything at all. Nothing was familiar to Buffy. And this was something that she was beginning to slowly realize. Something that was beginning to dig itself beneath her skin.
He was hurting everyone around her. Those that she still loved. Those that still loved her. He was destroying them all. Tearing them apart, little by little.
She had to stop him. If Angel was dead... Angelus couldn't live on masquerading as him.
Buffy knew that her heart had to harden, but was she ready? Could she do it?
so are you happy now? you got exactly what you wanted you try to break me down destroy me piece by piece
Buffy would be lying if she sat there and said that she didn't feel weak standing against him. She would be lying if she said that his tactics didn't work, didn't affect her one bit. She knew the types of games that Angelus enjoyed playing with his chosen victims. She knew how he'd attempt to break her. To make her go through so much Hell that in the end, she'd be the one crawling at his feet, begging him for mercy. Begging him for death.
And at times, Buffy felt like he was already destroying her; pulling her apart at the seams, even when he wasn't there to witness it, even when it wasn't his words whispering horrible things into her ears. Thoughts of him alone affected Buffy. Her body felt violated, her most intimate secrets felt like they were out in the open, weapons to someone that she used to know, someone who was now a stranger to her. Buffy felt exposed, disgusted with herself that she still craved him. That she still wished to feel him.
Angelus knew things about her that made her skin crawl. He knew how she smelled, what she felt like, how she tasted... and it made Buffy sick to her stomach.
And no amount of scrubbing herself until her skin burned red and small droplets of crimson bubbled up to the surface would make it all go away. No amount of scolding hot water upon her flesh would wash him away from her body. Would erase those words that he had told her that very night they were together. How disgusting she felt when he talked down to her like a piece of meat. How confused and hurt and betrayed she felt when he made a mockery of it all. Just a good time, not a big deal.
"I thought you were a pro."
Buffy was sick to her stomach again. She could feel her insides churning, colliding. She felt repulsed by herself.
"I knew you wouldn't be able to handle it."
Angel made love to her, but Angelus raped their intimacy. Turned it into something regretful, shameful, sickening, revolting. Buffy wished that she could claw her skin right off of her bones and emerge as someone new from within her dirty and tainted flesh...
but i have made a vow i won't live the life you made me choose we're players in a game that i don't intend to lose
If Buffy couldn't destroy herself, then she would destroy the monster that made her feel this way. The monster that stole away her love, her body, her trust. She wouldn't allow him to win over her. No, Buffy was strong, wasn't she? A fighter - even if she had moments where she felt like giving up, where she felt like she couldn't keep up, or stand up brave enough to face this cruel world and the horrid things that came with it.
Even if she had moments of defeat, moments of fear, she would stand up f.ucking tall and face him. She would look Angelus in the eyes and show him that he wasn't dealing with a helpless little mouse. Through her tears, she would confront him. Through her cries of pain she would tear him open and expose him, make him feel vulnerable and defiled like he had made her feel. She would steal away his life, the very soul that he lacked... and she would destroy his body, to cleanse her own.
Funny thing about pain was that it made you harder, tougher. Angelus would suffer the Slayer's wrath. He would get to know and feel torment, and he would burn to ashes consumed by her flames.
my greatest love is gone you took him far away he sits right next to me but he'll never be the same
It took her a while to realize that, to tear away the blindfold that covered her vision from the actual truth... and in her moments of blindness, she allowed Angelus to take over. To ruin, to cause havoc, and lay reign; planting his flag into her stomping grounds. She allowed him to crush others, demolish them, and cause agony. She felt selfish in her decisions, too consumed and to sightless to see that who was standing before her was no longer the man that she loved.
He was just a shadow, a ghost, an empty shell. Someone that mimicked Angel, but was so very far from who that man was. His hands were stained with blood, his fanged grin was a graveyard where her love had gone to die. Even if Buffy could bring Angel back, if she could somehow save him, would things ever be the same again? Would she be able to fully trust him? Love him with her entire soul? How would she be able to see him with the same eyes again? It all seemed impossible to her...
Every single vicious remark that would leave his lips would always stick with her, would always linger at the back of her mind. Was this Angelus speaking? Or was this Angel's true nature? Were they one of the same? Did Angel truly ever love her, or was it just the soul, the curse, that made him feel anything towards her at all? Why couldn't he remember? Did their love not run as deep within his veins as it did with Buffy? Were Angelus' words, Angel's true feelings?
Their so-called true love depended on a soul... it ran as deep as a curse... without the curse, there was no forever. No love. Just a hollow, empty box.
Doubt filled Buffy's mind, and she knew at that very moment that nothing was ever going to be the same again. That he was never coming back.
you thief you found my weakness and you went on the attack but look over your shoulder see my target on your back
"You know what the worst part was, huh? Pretending that I loved you. If I'd known how easily you'd give it up, I wouldn't have even bothered."
"That doesn't work anymore. You're not Angel."
The heavens cried upon them; as if weeping for the death of their love. Buffy, however, was done crying. There were no more tears left to shed from her eyes for her former love. She knew now what she had to do. But, she knew that she wasn't exactly ready for it yet. Buffy stood before Angelus, both soaked from head to toe, and she faced him head on - fearless, void of emotions. He wouldn't play with her feelings like that anymore, Buffy was smart to his games now; she had built a wall around her heart that he'd have to try very hard if he planned on breaking it down.
Her fist collided with his jaw, slick from the rain, and he stumbled backwards. Buffy was quick to send another blow to his face, this time colliding roughly with Angelus' nose. His head was forced violently backwards, and although he felt the pain of her attacks, he chuckled; wiping the blood that trickled down his nostril, on the back of his hand - running his tongue along his skin, licking the crimson away. He could feel the anger boiling up within her - the hatred that she had for his existence. With every punch, he felt the hurt that he had inflicted upon her, but no matter how hard he tried to cause a chink in her armour with his poisonous words, he couldn't seem to sink into her. Not like before. That dispirited and disillusioned little girl that he was sure he had in the palm of his hands, had somehow picked up her fragmented pieces and glued them back together again.
Angelus was almost sure that he'd have her subdued to him by now, but she was relentless, fierce, vigorous. Ah, if he didn't despise her so much, he'd compliment her on her moxie, but Angelus was sick of her. Amused by this front that she was attempting to fake. He attacked her then, a fist catching her right in the middle of her face. Buffy yelped, groaning, at the sudden sharp pain that had taken over her mouth. The familiar coppery taste of blood filled the insides of her mouth and she spat a stream of red liquid to the ground, watching it wash away with the rain. The rest was wiped away on her sleeve. Buffy was panting, her heart racing within her chest. She shifted her gaze to meet Angelus', and she frowned, her jaw clenching tight - fire burning within her gaze. If looks could stake...
Angelus grinned at her, a mocking little smile, and he licked his lips; the intoxicating scent of her blood filling his nostrils. He was envious of the ground that consumed her blood, but he wouldn't attack just yet. He'd taste her soon.
"I loved you..." She uttered, her brows furrowed, her breathing heavy.
fight or flight was the decision ever mine? it was never mine
"Dream on, schoolgirl. Your boyfriend's dead, and you're all gonna join him."
And that's where he was wrong. Angelus misunderstood her words. She loved him. She didn't anymore. She couldn't. Not after all that he had done. The world that she had built with Angel, was now demolished at her feet. There was nothing but sands of a city long forgotten - ruins of her memories, of the future that her dreams built for them.
The decision to fight back was pushed by him. Buffy tried to find a different outcome, but he had helped her make up her mind. He had helped her realize who he truly was now.
If Hell was what he wished to raise, then Hell is what would swallow him. Buffy would make sure about that. She would no longer stand by and allow herself to be his victim, she would no longer stand by and allow him to hurt her friends and loved ones. Angelus would not destroy her, she would not choke within his grip. Buffy was not his plaything, she was not his toy, and she was not his anymore. His blood will open the entrance to Hell, and Buffy would be there to feed him to the very beast that he'd awaken - she'd be there to spill the crimson that flowed through his veins. To offer Angelus in place of the world; of the humans that lived upon it.
Angelus would be the one to end, not the world. Not her friends. Not her.
She just needed to be prepared. Sure. Ready to do the right thing. Even if it meant killing Angel in the end, (if there was even hope in ever bringing him back again) and killing herself in the process, but Buffy would heal, Buffy would rise from the ashes of her emotional death, like a phoenix...
She always did.
so are you happy now? you got exactly what you wanted you try to break me down destroy me piece by piece but i have made a vow i won't live the life you made me choose
"You can't do it. You can't kill me."
Angelus spoke and Buffy stood there, stake tightly held within her grip. No, this wouldn't be the way she'd end him. Not yet. Instead, she sent a hard kick to his groin. He deserved it. He deserved everything; every single ounce of rage that Buffy was ready to inflict him with. He fell to his knees in pain and now it was Buffy who was walking away from him. Leaving him behind, crumpled up and hurt; unimportant, trash. Just like he made her feel that night.
"Give me time."
we're players in a game that i don't intend to lose we're players in a game that i don't intend to lose...
There she was again, standing in the hallways of Sunnydale High; however, there were no groups of bustling students surrounding her, no sly comments from the Cordettes (what Cordelia called her little group of annoying-ness) as she passed them by, and no arms hooked around her shoulders from her best friends Willow and Xander. No, instead... Buffy stood alone. The only thing that seemed to close in on her was darkness. A darkness that didn't seem to be lifeless... it throbbed like a beating heart with every step that she took further and further into the school. There was an eerie red hue that accompanied the shadows that surrounded her.
It washed over everything, as if the entire school was bathed in blood. Buffy had been here before... this nightmare had been plaguing her for about three weeks now, but she couldn't exactly decipher what it all meant. Besides the obvious warnings of danger. Buffy knew very well that her nightmares shouldn't be taken lightly. Sometimes they meant nothing, but if they were reoccurring to the point of torment? Then they were trying to tell her something. They weren't just passing nightmares about her usual insecurities and fears. But, what was it? No matter how much thought Buffy gave her prophetic dream, she couldn't exactly pin point the incoming message of doom that it was attempting to tell her. Whatever the case was, she didn't like it, not one bit.
Buffy groaned and furrowed her brows, tossing upon her bed; sweating. She felt hot. Really hot. Almost unbearably hot, as if she was coming down with a fever. Her chest rose and then fell and a sigh bled past her pouts. The dream continued despite what was happening outside of it. She couldn't wake herself up. She never could when it came to prophetic nightmares.
The school was silent. So silent that Buffy could hear her every step as she walked down the hallway. She was almost sure that she could hear her heart beating within her chest as well. Her sneakers squeaked against the slick tile beneath her feet, and every bone in her body advised her that she shouldn't move forward, that she should turn around and leave - but she didn't have the option to do such a thing. Behind her lay only pitch, no door, no escape. She was stuck here, and her only way out could be in front of her. Now, although Buffy had had this dream before, she could never shake the dread that seeped into her soul every time she had it. She always knew that forward was the way, but she also knew what forward meant - what she'd be facing at the end of her journey.
The things she'd see and her fate... once she'd reach locker one-thirty-two; her locker. Buffy knew the horrors, she knew that she wouldn't make it out, but she could never do anything to change the flow of the dream. She stood solitary, nothing but empty darkness surrounded her - like the open mouth of a hungry beast ready to swallow her down whole. No one was here. She couldn't save them. The Hellmouth had opened up and devoured them. They were all dead, and this was her punishment. This was the Hell that she was forced to repeat, over and over and over again for the rest of eternity.
She failed them all, didn't she?
Buffy had finally reached her locker. She stood before it; a sinking feeling at the pit of her stomach. Her trembling hand reached forward, and tugged at the door. Buffy wanted to close her eyes to keep herself from seeing what she was about to see, but she couldn't. She had no control over these dreams, and her eyes immediately filled with tears at the gruesome sight. There they were, eyes vacant of any life within them - heads devoid of a body... Willow and Xander; mouth agape, flesh rotting. Buffy gasped, bringing her hand to her mouth; she gagged. The smell was putrid, and it slithered itself into her nostrils. She felt sick to her stomach, she wanted to throw up... she wanted to wake up.
On her bed, again she tossed and groaned; mumbling incoherent words to herself.
Then the loud whispers began to attack her; all around her. They drove her insane. Buffy grabbed at her head, fingers digging into her hair, pulling at it. Her head shook from left to right and her eyes shut tight. She was crying now, mumbling no to herself in between the voices that tore her down.
"You didn't save them!"
"You let them die!"
"You are a failure!"
"You killed them!"
"You have to die."
But this voice was different than the rest. It wasn't a whisper at all. It was strong, booming even. It shook her to the very core. Buffy gasped and turned around, but the man that towered over her small frame was covered by the shadows. She couldn't make out any features, accept for the outline of wings that seemed to outstretch from his back. They were huge. This was new. The shadow never had wings before in her previous dreams. His entire being was darker than the pitch black that surrounded them, and Buffy stood frozen in her spot. She couldn't move, she couldn't breathe. All she could do was tremble and cry.
The whispers stood silent to his voice, and like every other time in this nightmare... the man's strong hand jutted out and grabbed at her neck; fingers digging themselves into her flesh, fist closing tightly around her throat - his touch felt like fire against her skin, she could feel it melting under his grip. Buffy yelped, and her hands clawed at his wrists and his fingers, in failed attempts to get him to release her. He lifted her up from the floor as if she were nothing but a weightless ragdoll, and her feet dangled, kicking, searching desperately for a surface. Buffy was helpless. Buffy couldn't fight back, she couldn't breathe. She was gasping for air now, her face slowly turning blue from the lack of oxygen.
"The fire shall consume them, your blood shall stain the earth. You will die and all will be cleansed!"
This was also new. This thing never spoke words after the ones that followed the whispers.
Buffy's body finally gave in; she gave up the fight, her body went limp and eyes rolled back - her world going black...
"No!" Buffy woke up screaming, jolting up upon her mattress, eyes wide open and hand quickly reaching for her neck. She had gasped so hard that she had actually managed to hurt her throat. There was sweat adorning her forehead and every other inch of her body. Gross, I know. How come she never made it out of her scary prophetic dreams? How come she was always dying in them? Gosh, who did she have to punch in the face to get a prophetic dream where she'd actually survive in the end? Buffy groaned, squinting her eyes at the sun rays that attacked her vision once her eyes adjusted to being awake. Her head was pounding, her heart was racing. Buffy just wanted to have a good night's sleep for once, was that too much to ask? She was the Chosen One... of course it was. What was she thinking?
Grabbing her sheet and pulling it over her head, she tossed herself back onto her bed and another audible groan escaped her. She didn't want to really get up from bed. What time was it? What day was it? Her hand blindly grabbed at her cellphone from the night table next to her bed, and her finger pressed the home button to wake the screen up - Thursday, seven-thirty in the morning. She was late for school! She was gonna miss the school bus! She must've forgotten to set her alarm last night before bed, and her mom must've had to go to work really early this morning. Again, Buffy found herself jolting up in bed and tossing herself off the mattress this time. She had to get ready! No matter how much her body wanted her to get back in bed and sleep... although sleeping was the last thing she personally wanted to do. Not if she was gonna have to deal with another death nightmare.
The school bus would arrive at eight, she had to rush and somehow still look put together. She could do it, right? She was Buffy Summers - she could do anything.
Ah, but of course... because life always liked making her work harder (as if she already didn't, come on! Let her catch a break!) Buffy was not fast enough to finish and catch the school bus on the corner of the street. She was close! But, not close enough. There it was, closing its doors just as she turned the corner. Just a block away.
"Wait! No!" She yelled, waving her hands and hurrying her step; why did she decide to wear platform mary jane's today? They looked good with her outfit! What else was she supposed to do? Wear sneakers? Flats? Ew, they threw her entire look off. Maybe if she was wearing something else, but her baby blue mesh dress didn't work with those sort of shoes. She was late for school, not insane. But, this was fine, right? She could do this... she was good at track... she was the Slayer, she fought in platforms all the time and chased after baddies with them. The bus wasn't too far, all she had to do was run after it until the next stop light two blocks over. Could she catch up with a moving bus? If she could catch up to a runaway demon without breaking a single sweat - then, the answer was... it was still a maybe, honestly, but... she would never know if she didn't try.
Buffy began to run, as fast as she could. She was doing pretty well, actually. Better than she thought she would. "Morning!" She said with a bright smile upon her face as she zoomed by an old woman walking her dog. Her eyes were still focused on the moving yellow bus that was driving down the road a little before her. Buffy kept running and running, her speed building up the more she ran - until the bus finally turned and reached the stop light.
"Woah! That's Buffy!" Xander announced, poking a finger at the glass window. He pulled down the window and yelled out, "You can do it, Buff!"
Buffy's ears caught Xander's words of encouragement, and they drove her to run even faster. She had to get there, before the red light turned green.
"Come on!" Xander yelled out again.
She was right behind the bus now, so close. By now, everyone was looking outside of the school bus windows, curious to see what the commotion was all about, some of them in awe, some of them whispering about how Buffy was such a freak.
And just as the light turned green, Buffy's fist was banging at the bus door. The bus driver couldn't just drive off. He'd be a total jerk if he did! Luckily, after a couple of seconds, the doors to the bus had opened and Buffy grinned, giving her hair a cocky little flip and grabbing at her bookbag's straps, pulling it closer to herself as she stepped onto the bus, not a single hair out of place - no sweat on her brow, make-up and clothes still perfect, platforms still in tact. She didn't even feel out of breath or tired. The bus driver looked at her in annoyance as he shut the doors and began to drive again, but Buffy brushed off the look and headed down the aisle of seats full of gawking eyes and side comments.
"I knew you could do it! That's my Buffy! That's my best friend everyone!" Xander rejoiced, snapping and pointing at her with the biggest proud grin on his face.
Buffy blushed and shifted her eyes, a little chuckle coming from her as she tucked her hair behind her left ear. "I don't think anyone cares, Xan... but... thanks for the excitement." She said, taking a seat next to him.
"You ran after a freaking bus and you made it. Did you know that you could do that? You're like... the terminator. Buffynator. Amazing, hot..." Xander spoke, his voice was lower this time, and it seemed as if he had trailed off into his mind for a second, no doubt having some weird little fantasy about her at the moment.
Buffy shook her head, "I didn't. I just figured I'd give it a try. I've been taking track lately, you know. Honestly, the stop light saved me, I think. I just got lucky." She shrugged her shoulder.
"Lucky? Damn, I wish I had that sort of luck sometimes." Xander said with a snicker.
Buffy grinned and scratched the back of her head, "Yeah..." She responded. Sure, she understood that Xander was being nice and all. Stroking her ego, but as cool as being the Slayer was sometimes with all the badass abilities that came along with it; Buffy couldn't really agree that he'd want any of the sort of luck that she had (if anybody could call it luck, really). She didn't think anyone would want it. Being the Slayer also came with many troubles that she alone had to deal with. She had friends, sure, but there was only so much that they could do. What was that saying again? The one from Xander's Spiderman comic books?
With great power came great responsibility.
Right. Responsibility - like keeping her friends alive, like saving the world from whatever new threat that her dreams were warning her about. Buffy couldn't help but see the image of Xander's severed and rotting head inside of her locker, every time she looked at him. She couldn't help but think of the creature that invaded her thoughts... and those words...
sunnydale high library - thursday after school.
"The fire shall consume them, your blood shall stain the earth. You will die and all will be cleansed!" Buffy recited in the deepest voice that she could muster, mocking the thing that threatened her within her dreams. It's how she usually coped with things that scared her. "It's never said that before. It usually just stopped at, you will die!" She mocked again, shrugging her shoulders and sitting back on the library chair. "It even had wings this time... and I could feel its touch burning my skin. Not fun." She said, gazing over at Giles with her brows risen.
"I was dead...?" Willow asked, concern in her tone.
Right, this was the first time her friends were hearing about the dream in full. She had told Giles about it before, but she specifically skipped over the finding her friends dead thing whenever she'd tell Xander and Willow about it. She didn't want to worry them.
"We were decapitated and stuffed into her locker, Willow!" Xander chimed in, pointing between himself and the red head. "You didn't think to tell us about that part of your dream sooner, Buffy?"
Buffy stared at him innocently and frowned, shrugging her shoulders.
"I don't know about you guys, but I like my head attached to my body. It's where it belongs. Besides! Look at me..." He pointed to his face, "I'm way too cute to get killed. I need this face to seduce the ladies! Can't have a face if my head's not stuck to my body and my skin's rotting off! Giles! Help?!"
Willow and Buffy both thinned their lips and exchanged eye rolling looks between each other.
Giles fixed his glasses and furrowed his brows. "Xander, there's no need to panic about your... uh... well... hm." He didn't exactly give Xander a true response, because honestly, he believed that the boy was just being silly. True, he wouldn't blame him if he were simply panicking over the graphic imagery of Buffy's dreams involving him, but he couldn't help to mentally roll his eyes about the fact that all Xander could worry about was seducing women. Could he be blamed, however? He was just your typical teenage boy. But, Giles had more important things to focus on.
"Buffy, you told me it had wings?" Giles asked, finally turning his attention to Buffy who was busy curling a lock of her hair around her finger.
Buffy nodded, "Ahuh. Like an angel. Only... bad? You know? Like, I mean, assuming angels are even real... are they?" She asked with a brow raised.
Giles rose his brows and nodded his head once, "Well, there's plenty of things out there that we have no knowledge on. Angels do have the capability of evil, Lucifer, the fallen one - just an example. There's many others. However, these are biblical things. There's no actual proof of such an entity actually existing. I cannot disprove the existence of angels in general, however. Humans have encountered winged beings for centuries. Nonetheless, I think you're dealing with a demon-"
Buffy interrupted before Giles could keep speaking. "No, I mean, its wings weren't leathery or like a bat's. They were feathers, or at least that's what I could make out from the shadows that they were casting. And... its hand was normal. Like a human hand. Aren't demons supposed to be all lizard-skin and claws?"
"There's different kinds. It all depends on what we're dealing with." Giles responded. "Hm. The fire shall consume them, your blood shall stain the earth and all will be cleansed..." He continued, mumbling the phrase a few times, trying to decipher what it could possibly mean.
"Okay, and now you're freaking me out, Giles." Buffy quipped.
"Sorry." He responded.
"Maybe it's something having to do with the Hellmouth? Fire, Hell, weird demon creature. Makes sense, doesn't it?" Willow chimed in.
"Right! Maybe it's opening?" Xander followed after.
Buffy shook her head, "No... I don't think that's what it is. It doesn't feel like it." That was a weird thing to say, but she was the Slayer, and she had a way of feeling strange shifts of energy sometimes, and something as strong as the Hellmouth would surely be giving off strong vibes if it was opening. "Hmm." Buffy grabbed her cellphone and looked at the time, "Hey, I've gotta go you guys. I've got homework to finish before tonight's patrolling. I'm free from cheerleader practice today so that's a plus!" She smiled, but everyone else seemed to be sporting looks of worry upon their faces. Buffy sighed. "Listen, I'm sure we'll figure it out. We always do. Whatever all of this means, just know that I'm not going to let any of you die. Promise! It's just a warning. I can change everything. Just... be careful. And please, beep me asap, the moment any of you are in trouble. I'll be there! I love you guys, you know that."
They all looked at her. Xander and Willow nodded; Willow flashed her a sweet soft smile.
"And we love you too, Buffy." She responded, grabbing her books and pressing them to her chest, before standing up from her seat. "I think I'll be heading out too, actually. I've got homework to do and a quiz to study for. My mom's picking me up, so I can't stick around. I'll do some researching online once I'm done, maybe I could find something that could give us some answers. Or, maybe some sort of dream spell? I'll text you, Buffy."
Xander got up from his seat as well, "Welp! I've got-"
"To stay and help me look through some books. We might find something to aide Buffy with." Giles interrupted.
"Huh? Wha-?! But, what if I've got homework to do too?! Isn't my education just as important?!" Xander exclaimed.
Giles simply gave him a look, "We both know you're going straight home to rot your brain with video games. Besides, I'll order pizza and drive you home afterwards."
Xander opened his mouth to protest again, but then shrugged. "Eh, you're right. I'll just speed finish my homework in the morning, as I usually do. Plus, pizza? I'm sold! Guess I'll be seeing you lady's later." Xander gave them a two finger salute and his crooked little grin. Buffy and Willow shook their heads, giggling and smiling; saying their goodbye's in unison to both Giles and Xander as they exited the library.
"You want a ride home, Buff?" Willow asked as they walked side by side down the school's hallway and towards the front door.
"No, I'm alright. Besides, I want to stop at Espresso Pump, I'm craving some caffeine in the form of a large triple mocha and caramel frapp. Thanks anyway!" Buffy responded with a little grin on her face.
They were soon exiting the school and Buffy was hugging Willow goodbye, waving at her mother who also offered her a ride home that Buffy kindly declined as well.
She needed the walk. The air. She needed to clear her mind for a little bit. Buffy was trying her best to pretend like she wasn't worried about this situation, that she wasn't afraid that she'd somehow fail her friends and fail everyone else around her... that they'd all die... and that she would join them. Buffy was worried. She hoped that her friends would find some sort of answers soon enough and that she'd be ready to face whatever this new threat was going to be.
For now, Buffy wanted to do her own research. She'd stop at The Magic Box on the way to the cafe. Maybe she'd find something in there that could clear things up for her somehow.
Buffy sat at the coffee shop, at one of the small tables that were more towards the back of the shop. She was sipping her drink and staring at the cover of the new book that she had just purchased from The Magic Box; Angels, Demons, and Other Winged Beings. That was the title of the book - pretty straight forward with what it was about. The book was pretty, it seemed a bit used, and it had seemed to call to her the moment she laid eyes upon it. The cover was black with what looked like red smoke behind the bold white letters of the title.
There was those colors again; red and black. Like the school's hallways in her nightmares.
Buffy absentmindedly nibbled on her bottom lip and opened the book; beginning to flip through the pages, one by one, eyes scanning the words and the pictures inside - maybe her Slayer intuition will lead her to the right place in this book.
Honestly, Buffy feels extremely conflicted when it comes to duty. Her duty to save the world, her duty to save others, and sometimes even her duty to put her life and emotions on the line, to do the right thing. She constantly feels the pressure upon her shoulders, weighing her down and pulling her under, although she always makes the right decisions in the end - despite her inner battle to be selfish sometimes, because honestly? Sometimes she doesn't feel like the people around her understand how hard her duties are. Sometimes she feels like they think that she's just some emotionless soldier - standing at the front lines to save them all.
So, while she's very aware of her duty, and will always try her best to fulfill what she needs to do, Buffy wishes she could take a step back once in a while without getting judged and made out to be the villain.
•here to win, bitch /714060 -- lollipops, vampires, destiny, lipstick;
One of Buffy's favorite candies are lollipops; specifically the Blow Pop and Jolly Rancher brands, blueberry flavored! However, she's not a big fan of the gum that's on the inside of the Blow Pop, so she always throws that part away.
Now, her idea on vampires? Well, it's complicated. As the Vampire Slayer, you'd think that she'd immediately jump on the vampire hate train, but honestly... despite what Giles and Merrick have told her about vampires, she's learned that not all of them are truly evil things, and that there are some out there that are actually capable of feeling human emotions, just not exactly in the same way a human would feel them. This would never mean that she'd stop hunting down vampires and doing what her job description needs her to do, but she really has learned to see a different side from the whole vampires are just soulless demons without any trace of humanity in them at all thing. She's even spared a few of them, as well as befriended and trusted... and has fallen in love with some of the vampire kind. She even knows one that she feels understands her a lot more than her human friends; never judging her for anything, no matter what... hell, sometimes she feels like he's the only one on her side. In some ways, Buffy feels like she could relate to being in the shadows.
Destiny? Buffy never even thought she'd have one. At least, not one as important as being The Chosen One. Although she feels special at times, and has learned to be a little more appreciative of her gifts as the Slayer from Kendra - she can't help but feel like it was something that she never really asked for. Her destiny was just forced upon her, and she was pushed right into battle without choice. Why couldn't her destiny consist of something along the lines of marrying Christian Slater and traveling Europe? Or being a professional ice skater? Why did her destiny have to be this huge and stressful thing? A destiny that came with the constant fear of death at every corner... a destiny that was enveloped in darkness and constantly made her feel so alone, despite being surrounded by so many people. Being the Slayer was important to Buffy, but sometimes, she wished this destiny of hers belonged to someone else. Maybe someone better? Maybe someone who actually wanted it.
As for lipstick? Buffy really likes make-up as much as most teenage girls her age do, but she feels like lipstick is definitely very important. The color, the application, the way you line your lips; and there should always be a bit of lip gloss on top to add that extra pop! Buffy thinks that when it comes to boys, you really want to bring attention to your mouth, that'll really reel them in and get their thoughts going about really wanting to kiss you - totally guaranteed goodnight kiss on that first date!
Fun fact time! When Buffy was a freshman in high school, she stole a mauve colored Estee Lauder lipstick from a Macy's; not because she couldn't afford it, but because getting away with stealing something really gave her a rush.
•[B]utcher /408071 -- me;
James Kriet. Buffy isn't exactly sure how she felt about this one the very first time they met. She wouldn't exactly say that she disliked her, but she also wouldn't say that she liked her. I guess you could say Buffy feels neutral about James. Not in a bad way though, she just honestly feels like she'd need more time around her to figure her out, although Buffy doesn't feel like she'd ever figure her out. James is pretty difficult to work with, sarcastic (oh, stop being a hypocrite Buffy), bad attitude (out to annoy her constantly with her competitiveness) - the type that has been hurt by life in many ways; someone rough around the edges. She actually kinda reminds Buffy of Faith in some ways. And just like Faith, sometimes Buffy would say the two got along - heck, they even make a pretty good fighting team, if she had anything to say about it. Buffy thinks that James is pretty skilled in the whole Slayer thing, but there's this darkness inside of her... that Buffy can't exactly figure out - yet it makes her weary of James. Sometimes Buffy wishes James was more open and less shut out of the world... maybe they could talk and relate on the horrible things that came along with their destiny's as Vampire Slayers... because Buffy understood -- even if she acted like nothing really bothered her much at times (she was pretty good at pretending). Buffy understood the hard decisions, the sacrifices that came with the job. Buffy understood the pain and the darkness and the loneliness that could consume you. The the self-punishment, loathing...
There was something about James, behind that gaze of hers that Buffy had caught a few times. But, Buffy just had this feeling that James wasn't interested in bonding. If Buffy was right in comparing her to Faith... she knew that she'd have to keep a very close eye on her.
•Dark Lord Angelus /1583482 -- pain;
Pain is something that Buffy genuinely believes that she deserves. Her mind works in very strange ways, and she's constantly being very hard on herself. Insecurities are always whispering at the back of her mind, telling her she isn't good enough, telling her that she deserves her friends judgment, deserves them being mad at her for bad decisions - her selfish decisions, her selfish thoughts. Although she has a superiority complex where she feels herself to be above them a lot of times, she does feel that she is as well, below them, undeserving of a lot of things - love, friendship; therefore, she chooses to punish herself for these bad decisions, by making even more bad decisions. Buffy's emotions seem to take the wheel a lot of times and she ends up putting herself on the line of doing hurtful and painful things to herself emotionally and to others. If it isn't her friends hurting her, it's other people that she loves - her relationships always bring her pain, life always seems to constantly punish her, when she isn't doing it to herself, and so that is why Buffy believes that she's well-deserving of this pain.
These feelings, of course, are feelings that she swallows down and keeps to herself, but pain and being Buffy Summers go hand in hand with each other (or at least, that's what she thinks). In fact, she feels like she will never escape it and she will never truly experience happiness without pain following after.
•Versifier /1570287 -- sacrifice;
Sacrifice... now that one is deep.
Sacrifice is something that Buffy feels that she's had to do a lot of times. Although, she has not experienced having to sacrifice having friends and family for her Slayer duties (because she refused to have to make such a choice over something that she didn't even ask for), she has had to sacrifice a life as a normal teenager, no matter how hard she fights that losing battle. She would never be able to compare herself to any of the other girls her age, but this is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to sacrifices. Buffy has had to sacrifice her emotions, love, and has had to sacrifice her very life in order to save the lives of others. She has had to sacrifice the person who was once the person she believed would be her forever, in order to save the world. She has had to sacrifice her pride, in order to do good and save people who may constantly bully her and come off as undeserving to her help. Buffy feels bitterness towards the word sacrifice - anger towards it, but she is learning, she is growing, and she is strong. She fully understands that in her line of duty, sacrifices must be made in order to do the right things. Buffy constantly fears these sacrifices that she must make, and fears the horrible thoughts about those around her someday having to sacrifice themselves in order to save her. She feels like this is an unfair thing, however... she knows that she must be brave and fight the good fight - even if she has to sacrifice her very life someday to save the ones she loves. In the end, these sacrifices would be worth it... even if sometimes she needs to repeat that thought to herself enough times to believe it.
writer's note: A slightly AU re-imagining of the death of Joyce Summers (with some canon topics kept in) and how a young eighteen year old Buffy was mentally dealing with the hard blow; in form of a lyrically inspired drabble. In this AU Dawn Summers does not exist. I mainly wanted to focus on Buffy's feelings and make it a scenario were she was an only child dealing with the loss of a mother.
This of course is by no means something permanent to my Buffy's actual storyline, it was just a sudden inspo for angst and a moment in canon time that I wished to touch on and explore. Sorry for shattering your hearts in advance, guys! xo
song; Christina Aguilera - Hurt.
seems like it was yesterday when i saw your face
you told me how proud you were, but i walked away
if only i knew what I know today
Buffy laid upon her bed, eyes staring up at the ceiling above. Her gaze seemed vacant, blank; everything around her seemed silent... empty - void of life. She didn't even feel like she existed at the moment. Her mind wandered and replayed memories from the past, over and over and over. A thousand scenarios of all the horrible things that she had ever done to her mother and different ways she could've changed her decisions. People told her to think happy thoughts - happy memories of happy times, but Buffy couldn't. All she could do was dwell on the negative. Consumed.
"I cannot deal with this attitude of yours, Buffy! I'm really trying my best, but nothing I do seems to be making anything better! You continue to be distant, secretive, this is the third time I've caught you coming back home after being out all night doing god knows what, because you just took it upon yourself to sneak out! I thought things would be different here."
"Then honestly, don't deal with it! Go back to not caring, mom. Just like the good ol' days back in L.A. you couldn't be bothered to even meet any of the boys I was dating! Couldn't be bothered to ask me how my day at school was! Things are different here... in ways I don't think you'll ever understand. You know what? If I'm such trouble to you, let me help you with that. I'm leaving!"
"Running off again? Nothing new there. If you walk out that door, Buffy Anne Summers, don't you bother coming back this time. I can't continue playing these games."
"Fine, then I wont!"
Oh, but that was four years ago, and she came back. She always did. Her mother had forgiven her long ago... yet...
i would hold you in my arms i would take the pain away thank you for all you've done forgive all your mistakes there's nothing i wouldn't do to hear your voice again sometimes i wanna call you but i know you won't be there
Finally, there was some sort of signs of life from the motionless Buffy upon the bed. Her eyes were watering, becoming hot - red. Two full tear drops trickled down the corner of either of her eyes and slid against her temples. Her chest shuddered and her breath shook, her eyes falling shut momentarily, blinding her from her surroundings, forcing another pair of tears to fall from her eyes. She was crying. She hadn't cried since she found her. Not at the mortuary, not at the funeral. Chaos bubbled up within her and rendered her vacant. Unable to function, unable to process how her world was crumbling around her. Now she was thinking... now her thoughts tormented her about things she wished she could take back. Words she wished she had never spoken.
Words that were only said out of anger. Actions that were only made out of frustration. She was a stubborn teenager, hardheaded, inscrutable. She always was. Is.None of it ever meant a thing, because Joyce loved her so very much... and Buffy loved her too. Did she know that? Did Buffy do a good job at showing her mother that she loved her, despite everything? Did Joyce feel it? Joyce really was trying her best to understand, but Buffy could only spit venom and attack her with bitter words that connected her to her past actions as a mother whenever things didn't exactly go her way. That's what she always did, hurt the ones she loved. The ones that cared for her the most always faced her wrath. She was a bad person.
So much time wasted. Time that she could never get back now. If only she could get a second chance to do things right.
These fights all seemed so pointless now... so meaningless....
It was all her fault. Her mistakes, her choices, but Buffy could never come to blame herself. It was easier to point fingers at others than take responsibility. It was always easier.
i'm sorry for blaming you for everything i just couldn't do and i've hurt myself by hurting you
Buffy was audibly sobbing now, yet she could only hear silence within the cell that was her mind. The world felt cold around her, she felt alone. Swallowed by melancholy, swallowed by anger and regret...
Buffy was hurting.
She would never forget how her mother looked laying lifeless upon the couch on the day that she had found her. Buffy would never forget the vacant look within her eyes - how cold she felt against her touch. How the light that once shone within her gaze was snuffed out; dull. She was no longer a person... she was just an empty shell left behind. It was no longer her mother looking back at her - it was simply a corpse.
Stiff and uninhabited.
"We're not supposed to touch the body!"
Buffy's heart twisted and ached intensely within her chest as the pangs of sorrow washed over her like waves, drowning her beneath the surface. It was unbearable - agonizing. It pained so much that Buffy wished that she could reach within and pull it out of her. She didn't want to feel anything anymore. She wanted to be vacant and dull too. She wanted to be an empty shell, she didn't want to be herself anymore. Buffy wanted to be a corpse, like her mother was. She wanted to be buried six feet deep along with her. Then she wouldn't suffer anymore. She wouldn't feel. She wouldn't breathe. She wouldn't think or have to deal with any of this anymore because she would just not exist. No crying, no hating herself... just quiet, stillness - a body.
She wished over and over again that the pain would stop. That the world would stop punishing her. That this was all just some terrible nightmare that she would soon wake up from and that her mother would be just fine, waiting for her with open arms - to comfort... to love... to forgive for all the wrongs she had ever done, because Buffy was having a terribly hard time forgiving herself.
"Mommy... mom, I'm sorry... mommy..." Buffy's voice quivered past her shaking lips; her face was wet from the flooding tears that rained down from her eyes. She repeated the words in a whispered mantra, again and again and again.
Buffy didn't even know how she made it through the funeral. Everything was such a blur to her. She hadn't eaten... showered... hadn't even left her room or looked at her phone....
How many days had gone by since then?
She just wanted to be a ghost to the world.
some days i feel broke inside but i won't admit sometimes i just wanna hide 'cause it's you i miss and it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this
Buffy couldn't believe it.
She didn't want to believe it.
Was her mother truly gone? Was she never going to see her ever again? Hold her? Kiss her? Bicker and make up? Hear her voice scolding her? Telling her goodnight...
"I love you, Buffy."
The words filled her mind; she could still hear her whispering them to her. Oh god, would she forget how her voice sounded? How she smelled? No. She didn't want to forget.
Joyce became sick and everything went by so fast. Buffy had no control over anything. She couldn't make it stop with magic, or a stake - she couldn't make the monster that was eating away at her mother's brain day by day, second by second... disappear with the powers that had granted her with this cursed destiny of hers. Buffy was helpless. It was life... it was nature... there was absolutely nothing at all that she could've done to make it all stop. To save her mother... to keep her alive.
No hoping, no amount of prayer... nothing. All she could do was sit and wait. Sit and put her mother's life in the hands of doctors. Yet, nothing fixed anything and her mother was taken away from her just like that. Just when Buffy thought things would get better. Joyce was out of the hospital, she seemed happy - even began dating again. Everything seemed right for once, but life had other plans, as it usually did for her. One second her mother existed, and the next - she just didn't. Her life, snuffed out. So easily, so unexpected. Buffy couldn't even say goodbye, or I love you... or ask for forgiveness for the headaches and mean things she had said to her. Nothing at all.
Buffy felt so lost. She was so young... how was she going to deal with the real world now with no one there to guide her through it? To give her advice... and tell her that everything was going to be okay, even if she didn't know the full story about Buffy's hidden life. How could Buffy even stand up and face the world now? How could she even handle anything at all?
Fresh to college, jobless, the fate of the world on her shoulders... useless... pointless... stupid...
would you tell me i was wrong? would you help me understand? are you looking down upon me? are you proud of who i am? there's nothing i wouldn't do to have just one more chance to look into your eyes and see you looking back
Oh god, Buffy would give anything to have her back.
Anything. Anything. Anything.
She would walk through Hell if she had to, without a doubt in her mind.
She should've been the one who had died, not her mother. She didn't deserve it. It was Buffy who deserved death. Was it her fault that her mother was taken away? Was she to blame for cheating death? Maybe Buffy deserved this terrible pain. She deserved every single second of it.
if i had just one more day i would tell you how much that i've missed you since you've been away
Buffy crushed the photo of Joyce that she held in her hands within her fist. So tight that the paper was digging into her skin, her nails passing through the picture and leaving half-moon imprints against her palms; so hard that she was sure that had broken flesh beneath the pressure. Her eyes were shut tight and through her sobs she repeated the words, "Come back to me, please... I need you... I need you... come back... come back... please, please, please..."
She begged through heavy cries. Maybe if she wished hard enough, her mother would come back. If she wished hard enough, the universe would will her what she wished for. They lived on the Hellmouth... anything was possible. Strange things happened in Sunnydale all the time. If she could come back to life... so could Joyce (oh, her delusions). Buffy was the Slayer... she could do anything. She could save anyone. Couldn't she?
She could bring her mother back...
it's dangerous it's so out of line to try and turn back time
Knock, knock, knock...
The sound echoed through the silence of the house... and Buffy sprung from her bed as if something had awoken within her. She emerged from her room with quickness, eyes wide open and breath hitching in her chest. It couldn't be... could it? No. She was losing it. She was imagining it. Maybe Willow had ordered pizza? Maybe Xander or Oz were the ones rapping at her door.
Knock, knock, knock....
The slow knocking came again.
"Buffy... honey, it's me... open the door... I'm so very cold..."
Was that truly her mother's sweet and soothing voice that she heard calling from the other side of the front door? Was her imagination playing tricks on her? Was this just a cruel trick from the forces of evil to break her down further? Had anyone else heard it too? No - Willow was fast asleep on the living room couch, Buffy could see from the top of the stairs where she stood frozen.
Buffy snapped out of it and stumbled quickly down the stairs and towards the front door, tears swelling up within her eyes - heart drumming loudly within her chest, so loud that she could hear it throbbing against her ears. She followed blindly, like a sailor pursuing a siren's song.
She had done it! She wished it hard enough. She had saved her mother. Joyce was back! Oh, and Buffy was ready. So ready and willing to crash her boat against the rocks to see her mother standing there on the other side of that door - alive and well, smiling back at her. Resurrected like a Saint.
Was the pressure of everything so grand that Buffy's mind had finally collapsed under the weight of it all? Did she finally reach her breaking point? Had she gone insane?
Her tongue licked at her dry lips, and a shaky hand reached for the lock, flipping it and finally turning the knob without a second thought. She wasn't even thinking of the possibility that danger could've been waiting for her upon opening that door. No, her mind was too full of that sudden feeling of hope and that electrical charge of adrenaline coursing through her entire body.
Buffy wasted no time in tugging the door open, "Mommy!" She called out, excited. "Mom.... mommy....?" Her shuddering voice called out again; this time in confusion when she was faced with nothing but a gust of wind that blew through her hair and empty, silent darkness staring back at her. Her brows furrowed and her bottom pout quivered; her stomach sank... and she stood there motionless, just staring out into the nothingness that mocked her grief.
There was nothing there.
Absolutely nothing at all.
But she had heard it... how could there be nothing?
How... could there.... be nothing?!
Buffy felt her legs give out beneath her; her body becoming weak as the adrenaline disappeared just as quickly as it came - she couldn't stand. She couldn't breathe. She fell to her knees and buried her face within her palms, and let out a loud and mournful wail that seemed to have climbed its way up her throat from deep inside her lungs. The sudden hope that had filled her head just a second ago had dissipated into the ether as if it had never existed in the first place.
That was it.
Joyce was gone forever.
Buffy felt alone. Defeated.
Swallowed whole into the belly of the beast.
How could she ever climb back out?
Would she ever....?
"Oh, Buffy! No, baby!" Willow's voice seemed distant as she came to her aid. "I know, sweety... I know... I'm here for you. We're all here for you. Everything's gonna get better... everything's gonna be alright... I promise..."
Buffy felt Willow descend to the floor with her and wrap her warm arms around her; pulling her into a loving embrace. Her head rested against the back of Buffy's head and a soft kiss was placed there. Willow was crying with her... Buffy could feel her chest vibrating and shaking against her, she could hear her sniffling.
"I'm so sorry, baby..." She whispered, holding Buffy tighter.
And Buffy just sobbed. She couldn't stop. Not once she started. She was afraid that she'd never stop...
There was no way things could get better after this... nothing was going to be alright.
There was no light at the end of the tunnel... no calm after this storm.
For Buffy's skies would always be black and blue.
i'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do and I've hurt myself by hurting you
"I don't care about tradition, you try and get me to kiss you under the mistletoe and I will punch you."
"James, watch out!" Buffy shouted.
There were vampires everywhere - an ambush on the Slayers. It had happened out of the blue, one minute, the two were dancing around to music, drinking and simply just having fun at this hole in the wall bar that James had brought Buffy to (they were sorta bonding, was it a Christmas miracle? Buffy thought it was kinda nice), and the next, a large group of vampires had walked right in, locking the doors behind them and letting all Hell break loose inside. There were people running around like chickens with their heads cut off all around them; screaming, crying for help, attempting to pull open the doors and get away from the monsters. Luckily, the Slayers were never unprepared for a battle - it was almost as if a switch had been clicked within their brains the moment the chaos began, and they went from chilling out, to beating vampire ass in seconds. They were trying their best to save the innocent people stuck inside with them, but not all of them could be saved from getting picked off. James and Buffy could only do so much. The vampires outnumbered them - they were Slayers, but they were only two. However, they were giving their best, watching out for each other (despite whatever issues they might've had with each other, it was the right thing to do).
James quickly turned at the sound of Buffy's warning, sending a strong kick to the chest of the vampire that was coming at her, just in time to send him flying Buffy's way and right onto the pool stick that she had been using as a weapon. The creature screeched loudly and burned; turning to dust, another one down, but there were more to get rid of - they couldn't stop now, they had to keep fighting. Another vampire came charging towards Buffy, and she fought it off with the pool stick, before sending a swift kick to the side of its face; sending it flying onto the pool table (which broke under the vampire's weight). James was quick on her feet, staking the vampire that she had been fighting, turning to swiftly stake the vampire that Buffy had kicked onto the pool table. They made a pretty good team, honestly.
"B, behind you!" James was the one that was yelling the warning now. Buffy was fast, she ducked, saving herself from the punch that the vampire woman had thrown her way. Her leg swept across the floor and under the enemy's feet - knocking the vampire onto the ground, and then came the pool stick; plunging it right into its heart, ending its life. However, things didn't seem like they were getting any better - these vampires seemed relentless. Buffy's gaze searched for James, spotting her eventually. She was busy again, fighting yet another vampire. Buffy was punched then; caught off guard, "Unf!" She grunted, stumbling backwards a bit, losing her grip on the pool stick; feeling a little disoriented by the attack. The vampire that had hit her chuckled, amused.
"Too slow." It mocked, "You know, I've always wanted to taste myself a Slayer. How 'bout a little bite?"
Buffy gave her head a small shake; snapping herself back into action. Her brows furrowed, turning her attention to the creature, "Mm, sorry to burst your bubble, there, fugly, but that's never gonna happen." She quipped. The vampire growled, swinging a second punch her way, but this time Buffy was quick and dodged the attack. Buffy hit the vampire in the gut with closed fists, making some distance between them, but then the creature attacked again, landing another punch against her jaw. Buffy was sent tumbling backwards once more; her back colliding against one of the many decorated thick wooden beams that stood vertical from the floor to the ceiling that stood scattered inside the bar. She hissed and winced at the sharp pain that ran along her spine from the harsh collision, not to mention the Christmas lights that dug into her back; tiny broken glass cutting into her skin. The wood cracked against the force of her body colliding so harshly with it; nothing collapsed... yet.
"Don't make it so hard, little girl." The vampire spoke, lunging at her once more.
Buffy was swift, her eyes had caught sight of the pool stick nearby, and she wasted no time in picking it up and holding it out like a spear awaiting to impale its victim.
"Oh, shi-!" The vampire had jumped and literally murdered itself. Dust... all over Buffy and her pretty Calvin Klein dress.
"Ugh, stupid vampires..." She complained, mumbling. "Thank god for dry cleaning..."
Buffy dusted herself off and looked around again; it seemed like the vampires had begun to diminish. There weren't as many as they started off with anymore. Good thing there was two Slayers here tonight to do the job, although Buffy could safely say that not everyone survived the attack, she honestly could say that these people (the ones that survived) could count themselves lucky (at least, if she had anything to say about it). Having someone who was like her around was surely easier, she had to admit. Would she had even been able to defeat these monsters all on her own? She would've put up a pretty good fight (she always did) and she would've surely done her best, but James was really a lovely helping hand in the matter.
And, speaking of James... Buffy hadn't seen her in a quite a while. Sure, she was too busy fighting her own battles over here, but she needed to know that James was alright. Was it stupid to worry? Buffy knew James could hold up on her own, but this Slayer business was always so surprising - death could happen at any time.
"Ja-Oomph!" Buffy was interrupted before she could even fully call out James' named. A body had been thrown at her; colliding roughly against her. Oh, there was James. She had gotten kicked in the stomach by a now runaway vampire, and sent flying on over towards Buffy.
"We're outta here!"
The vampires called out; unlocking the doors and escaping the death trap they had created for themselves. Surprise! Bunch of losers. They were smart to give up and run.
Meanwhile, as the monsters ran off; James and Buffy had both slammed against the very wooden beam that Buffy's body had previously damaged, cracking it even further and finally causing it to shake and begin to collapse. The frantic bar goers began to scramble and exit.
There was dust coming from the ceiling, falling onto Buffy's and James' battered and bruised body's. They felt sore, they felt hurt, and they felt dazed from slamming into each other at such full force. They laid upon the floor, side by side, watching as the beam toppled over - waiting for the extra pain that was about to be given to them from the falling beam. Buffy shut her eyes and grimaced, lowering her head and shrinking into herself. James did the same. Yet... nothing but a bit of rubble and dirt fell onto them. The loud rumbling and cracking had gone silent, and James nudged Buffy on the side with her elbow.
"Look, it stopped it." She pointed up with her chin.
Buffy's eyes fluttered open, and she glanced up at what James was pointing at. Huh, how lucky were they? The crumbling beam had happened to topple right over onto a stable and not cracked wooden beam right across it. It was strong and sturdy enough to hold up the collapsed beam, therefore, saving them from the extra hurt. A sigh of relief escaped Buffy's lips, followed by a little and brief chuckle at the second sight that caught her eye. The Christmas decorations had been disrupted on the broken beam; Christmas lights were hanging off of it, along with the mistletoe that had been placed into the garland that hung between the beams. It was hanging perfectly above their head's now.
"Huh, mistletoe..." Buffy spoke, shifting her gaze to meet with James; a sly little grin pulling at her lips. Their faces were covered in bruises, cuts, and dirt - you know, just cute girly things, totally kissing under the mistletoe material type of girls.
James looked up with furrowed brows, before looking back down at Buffy with a blank expression upon her face. She blinked once, then spoke. "I don't care about tradition, you try and get me to kiss you under the mistletoe and I will punch you." Her tone sounded threatening. Yet, Buffy couldn't help but to tease her. It was always so much fun to do so.
Buffy rose her brows, opening her mouth to respond. "Oh, but I just bought this new peppermint tasting glitter lipgloss for the holidays. My lips are totally kissable, merry, and delicious. You're really missing out." She nodded.
James narrowed her eyes at her, unamused. "Don't make me strangle you with the Christmas lights, B. I'll do it."
"So, violent. Your loss Jamesy." Buffy grinned, shrugging her shoulders - beginning to push herself up off the dirty floor. She extended her hand to help James up, and James took it, pulling herself up to her feet as well.
"I hate you. Kissable, merry, and delicious. You're ridiculous." She grumbled.
"Whatever." Buffy rolled her eyes. "You're just jealous your lipgloss isn't tasty peppermint." She flashed James a cheeky little grin.
"You know, I always thought that was a joke that dyslexic kids wrote to you instead of Santa." Buffy said, a little giggle escaping her lips.
She took a seat on the floor near Lucifer, resting her arms onto his leg and then her chin onto her folded arms. Blue orbs looked up at him with raised brows, "Are you gonna send them to the right place? Or... are you gonna actually read through them and play Satan Claus?" She asked.
Lucifer looked down at her, perking a brow before flashing her a devious little smirk. Uh-oh, Buffy knew that smirk all too well. She knew the answer to her question before he even said anything.
"You know... this happens every year and I just throw them into the fireplace. I've never considered opening them up and reading through them. Neither did I consider possibly gifting the children with their Christmas wishes." He responded.
Buffy made a face up at him that wasn't exactly a smile or a frown - just something in between that read that she wasn't exactly too proud about the fact that she had implanted this thought into his brain and that by the looks of it, he was actually going to do it. Why was she always opening her big mouth? Sometimes she needed to think things and not say them out loud. However, something told her that even if she thought it, that there was a possibility that he'd hear her thinking it. He was the Devil after all - she hated when he'd do that. So violating, invading her privacy like that. She needed to learn how to mentally punch people in the face - that would totally come in handy in situations like that.
"Oh... no. Listen, you've ever seen that movie where the skeleton from Halloweentown kidnaps Santa and takes over the holiday and ruins it?" She asked.
"Christmas Nightmare? Something like that." He responded.
Buffy shook her head, "No, Nightmare Before Christmas. Jack Skellington. He goes about it all wrong and gives out all these horrifying gifts...." She paused, shaking her head again and closing her eyes, lifting her head from off her folded arms. "Listen, the point I'm trying to make is - this is a bad idea. Don't be a Jack Skellington."
"Oh! But, nonsense. Look, you and I both know that Santa Claus isn't truly a real thing. There's absolutely no way that..." He paused, getting up from his seat and walking over to the pile of letters that were collected inside of black garbage bag upon his floor. Lucifer randomly picked a letter out of the pile and read the name written sloppily upon it. "Billy..." He ripped open the card then, fetching the folded letter inside and read through it quickly, mumbling the words as he did so. "Right! There's absolutely no way that little Billy here would get gifted with a puppy for Christmas. His parents won't do it. You've asked for a puppy so many times and every single time, you've been given everything but that puppy, Buffy. I'd give him the puppy he's so eagerly asking for. Don't you wish him to have happiness on Christmas?"
Buffy furrowed her brows; how'd he know about her asking for a puppy on Christmas? Oh... right. Satan, doi. "Okay, yes, I do... but now you're just cheating! What am I supposed to say? No, let Billy suffer and be miserable for Christmas?" She sucked her teeth, getting up from the floor and standing up to her feet, "Also, keep out of my mind and memories, unless you wish for me to hurt you as your early Christmas gift." Buffy threatened, folding her arms against her chest and cocking her hip to the side.
Lucifer glanced over at her and smirked. Oh, her threats. Those never got old. In fact, he had grown fond of them by now. Even when she acted upon them. Fiery little Slayer she was. So easily flustered, much to his amusement. "So, it's settled then! I'll pick a few lucky few - of course, I can't be bothered to do all of them. I'll start with Billy and his puppy."
Buffy stared at Lucifer; this was unbelievable. Was she really having this argument with Satan right now? Telling Satan that he wasn't allowed to be Santa Claus? Was this real life? But, she was the Slayer - why did things like this still always somehow surprise her? She rolled her eyes, there was no fighting this, so she might as well find some sort of medium. "Okay, fine. I'll let you test drive being Santa... but, but! First with Billy... and as the Slayer, I have to ensure that whatever gifts you're gonna hand out are safe enough to these children, so, you have to show me the gifts first and I'll tell you if it's rad or nah." Buffy nodded her head, raising her brows. "So, go. Puppy. Show me the puppy."
Lucifer listened closely, narrowing his eyes at her momentarily. Fine, he supposed he'd comply just this once. Lucky girl, he liked her enough to play nice. "Right, of course. One puppy, coming right up."
There was a snap of his fingers, and out of the blue the cutest little furball had appeared in the room. It barked and happily wagged its tail, waddling its way towards Buffy.
Buffy's heart immediately melted, and she forgot just how frustrated she was with the entire situation (that she had created, mind you). "Aww! A pom!" She reached her hand over to pet it - maybe she was wrong, maybe Lucifer would actually do a good job at this whole Santa business. "You cute little -- ahh!" Buffy shrieked, pulling her hand away immediately at the sight that was before her. Like a flower, or something out of freaking sci-fi horror movie; the pomeranian's mouth had split open like a flower and had made an attack at her hand - luckily, she was fast enough to pull away.
"Lucifer! What the hell?!" She yelled, looking at the previously adorable little pup, that was now a hideous little monster from Hell. "This is not a puppy! It's ugly!"
"Oh! What are you talking about? It's the cutest thing. Aren't you?" Lucifer baby talked it, and the dog closed up its horrifying jaws and waddled its way over to Lucifer, licking his hand. "He's the perfect Christmas gift."
"Yeah, if Billy asked to get his face eaten off for Christmas." Buffy quipped sarcastically. "That thing is a literal nightmare. You failed. It's a no - on the entire idea. Nuh-uh. You'd make a really terrible Santa."
Lucifer looked over at her, thinning his lips. "Boo, you're no fun, Slayer. Guess the children will be miserable." He responded, before turning his attention to the little demon dog that barked and growled at his feet. "Well, come now, little one. I've got some yummy treats for you in the kitchen, away from the mean ol' Slayer."
Buffy glared, unamused as he walked away.
"I am so not mean..." She grumbled. "And I am fun, for the record! I'm the Mayor of Funtown!" She yelled, loud enough for him to hear it.
"It's a time of good will, not whatever the hell you're doing."
"Okay? So a bunch of carolers have gone missing, Giles. People go missing all the time. What makes you think it's anything supernatural involved? There's crazy serial killers out there, you know. Those still exist, and stopping them is not in my job description. That's up to the police." Her shoulders shrugged, before she opened her mouth again to continue speaking, "I mean, what the hell would a demon or whatever want with carolers?" Buffy's brows furrowed. "Is he gonna summon some ancient Christmas demon with their holiday joy?" She quipped sarcastically, but then her brows furrowed and she thought about it. Was that an actual possibility?
"I understand that, Buffy, but may I remind you that we live on the Hellmouth? The majority of things we do deal with involve something supernatural. And as the Slayer, you should be looking into it, just to make sure that it's nothing that you may need to stop." Giles rose his brows, "And as your Watcher, I'm telling you that you will."
Buffy opened her mouth to protest, and Giles lifted a finger to silence her. "No excuses, Buffy. You will do it."
Buffy frowned, folding her arms against her chest and sucking her teeth. "Ugh, fine, but if I get murdered by some crazed lunatic who hates carolers, I'm so gonna haunt you."
"Oh, Spike, I want them!" Drusilla spoke, pressing her body to Spike's, her hands softly resting flat against his chest. "I want them to sing to me like the angels do..." Her voice was airy, her eyes distracted suddenly by something above them.
Spike's gaze fell upon her, and his hands naturally found a place at her hips, pulling her closer to him. Honestly, Spike wasn't too fond of carolers - they were all over the place, singing their cheery holiday music. There was no escaping them, but he was always willing to please Drusilla. He could barely ever say no to her, it was a weakness of his. If it was carolers she wanted, then it was carolers she'd get.
"Ooh, I want to taste them... full of joy and holiday spirit... just like Christmas." Drusilla licked her lips and grinned deviously, her eyes shifting to meet Spike's. "Get them for mummy, pretty please..." She purred, her hand reaching up to softly caress her lover's cheek.
How could he resist? Spike grinned, his head dipping to press soft kisses along her shoulder and up the side of her throat. "Daddy'll get you the whole damn North Pole, just you wait and see." He uttered into her ear, and Drusilla giggled with glee.
Buffy pulled her jacket closer to her and shuddered as the cold wind blew softly by her. This was so damn stupid. Was she really out here looking for someone or something that was kidnapping carolers? Why weren't the cops doing this work? Was this really her third day searching without any sort of clue whatsoever as to who or what was doing it? Yes, it was. She had been to every demon bar that she had the knowledge of, had asked her questions, had patrolled and killed off her nightly monsters, and still - nothing, nada, zilch. You'd think that if it were supernatural in nature, that Buffy would've gotten some sort of hint by now, but whatever. There was no fighting Giles about this, especially not after just three days of trying. He'd just tell her to try harder.
Buffy grumbled under her breath, was she supposed to just stand around and follow carolers all day until someone attacked one of them? She could've been doing so much more with her time! Ugh, this was hopeless. "There's no way I'm ever gonna find out, unless I use myself as bait and pretend to be a carol-" Buffy paused and blinked for a second, an invisible light bulb went off in her head. That wasn't such a bad idea, actually! "Why didn't I think of that before? Gosh! I can be such an idiot!" But, how could she blend in? They were all Christmassy and stuff - she didn't have a single Christmas accessory on her... unless... she just borrowed the Santa hat on the Santa decoration that they had put up on display in front of that store that she passed before crossing the street to the park. They wouldn't miss it, right? This was important. She needed it.
She had to be quick if she was planning on catching anyone tonight. Hopefully, this would work, and hopefully, whoever it was - targeted her. Huh, she never thought she'd be hoping to get kidnapped; being the Slayer was a funny thing.
Quickly, Buffy crossed the street, snatched the Santa hat off the display and slipped it onto her head; crossing back and casually inching her way into the group of carolers, singing along to what they were singing now; 'Oh, Come All Ye Faithful.' Buffy's eyes wandered through the groups of people that passed them by, making sure to focus on every face that stopped to watch. The carolers were all too busy with their performance to even notice her standing beside them, but she hoped that if there was going to be an attack, that it would happen sooner than later. Eventually, they were bound to notice her there, then her plan would be ruined.
They were three songs in before someone finally attacked. It had come out of nowhere, swift, almost a blur; she was snatched from the back of the group, a hand pressed firmly against her mouth. She was being dragged off, but by who? Buffy squealed and kicked and then bit at the hand that covered her mouth - the stranger yelled out in pain and let her go. Quickly, she turned to face who it was, and low and behold - it was a vampire. So, Giles was right... it was supernaturally inclined, but why would a regular, run of the mill vampire choose to start kidnapping carolers and possibly killing them? Did he hate Christmas or something? Was it for that whole sacrificing thing she had thought about before? Well, it was time to find out.
"You chose the wrong caroler today, fangface!" Buffy stood in fighting stance, digging into her jacket's pocket for her stake.
"Slayer!" The vampire hissed, but oddly enough, his tone held more fear in it than anything else.
"Good, you know who I am. We can skip the introductions and get straight to what I want to know. Why have you been killing carolers? You've got five mi- hey!"
The vampire began to run away, was this some sort of joke? Buffy rolled her eyes and began to run after him. Oh, when she gets him, he was totally gonna get his ass beat! Extra for making it difficult.
Eventually, after a while of chasing, she did just that; tackling him to the ground and pinning him down with her body. She sat atop of him and punched him a few times in the face, finally pressing her stake to his heart and threatening to puncture if he didn't stand still.
"Wait, wait, wait!" The vampire cried out.
Buffy rose her brow, Buffy listened.
"I didn't do it!" The vampire spoke.
Buffy scoffed, "Fat chance! Try again." Her stake poked harder and the vampire whimpered.
"I was sent! I've been working for someone! I promise."
"Who?" Buffy asked. Please don't let it be some ancient Christmas demon. She needed a break from the big bad ancient ones. It was the holidays, for f.uck sakes. Fighting them was always so extra difficult and left her body feeling so sore and fatigued.
"Spike! Spike. His crazy broad wanted carolers and he sent me and a few others to fetch some for him."
Buffy furrowed her brows then, shaking her head. "Spike... why am I not surprised?" She whispered to herself. It was always Spike - that pain in the ass. Buffy grabbed the front of the vampire's shirt and shook him; lifting him a bit and slamming him back down against the pavement. "Where?" Her tone was harsh, strong. She needed to keep him scared.
"Bric and Broc. It's an old abandoned factory off-"
"Yeah, I know where it is." Buffy cut him off. The B and B, there were a few raves there that Buffy had heard about.
"I told you everything I know, honest. Can you let me go now?" The vampire asked.
Buffy stared down at him blankly, before shrugging her shoulder. "Sorry, I never said that I would. Slayer business, I'm sure you understand." She responded, before cocking her staking hand back and swiftly bringing the pointed stick to penetrate the vampire's heart; a screech emitted from his lips and soon what was a body between Buffy's legs, was now nothing but ashes on the ground. She stuffed her stake back into her pocket and dusted her hands off, getting up off from the floor.
Now that she knew who the culprit was, it was time to make it stop. The question was, why in the hell did Spike and Drusilla want carolers for? Was it anything that she had to deeply worry about? Or just Spike fulfilling one of his demented girlfriend's lunatic wishes? Was this how vampires went about celebrating the holidays? Usually she didn't judge people's traditions, but... she was judging.
Buffy had to fight her way inside of B and B; a couple of tough vampire guards that she took a few hits from, but nonetheless, she staked them all and now here she was - standing in the middle of all the chaos. Her gaze fell upon Christmas lights, randomly wrapped around metal pipes and... a guy in a Santa Claus suit who was strapped down to a chair with said Christmas lights. He was bloody, clearly had been tortured - possibly was dead (oops, too late to save him in that case ) good thing he wasn't actual Santa Claus, that would've been tragic. And there were the carolers, all huddled into a corner - all tied to each other with rope.
"Sing louder!" Spike yelled at them and they complied; singing nervously through their tears, raising their voices as high at they possibly could. Drusilla swayed left to right as the sung; a strange little smile on her face.
Buffy furrowed her brows at the whole entire thing. What the hell was she witnessing? Time to ruin the party, she figured.
"Hey! Undead freaks! Party's over." She shouted in order to catch Spike and Drusilla's attention.
And she did.
"Slayer! Bloody hell." Spike growled in annoyance.
"Ooh, Spike! The Slayer! Is this my surprise Christmas gift?" She clapped.
Buffy scoffed, "In your dreams, Dorksilla." Buffy turned her attention to Spike, who was moving towards her now.
"You should really learn how to mind your business, Slayer." He spoke, his tone was low and threatening.
"Can't. It's a time of good will, not whatever the hell you're doing." She quipped - quickly fetching for her stake, twirling it around in her hand; ready for a fight.
Spike growled; changing into his vampiric form. He lunged at her, and Buffy faced him head on - fearless.
She'll give them a silent night.
And she'd win (as usual cough cough), save the carolers, apologize to 'Santa's' corpse; and hopefully be done with it all just in time to catch a little break at The Bronze. All in a night's work. It wasn't easy being the Slayer. She could never catch a break, not even for the holidays.
"You brought literal Satan as your party date?!" Asked Xander, panic in his tone as he looked over Buffy's shoulder at the man that she had walked into the holiday party with. He was already being surrounded by a bunch of girls that were at the party. Of course, all trying to get to know the tall, dark, and handsome guy in a sharp suit. All hoping to get his attention. There went any chances of Xander trying to woo any girl tonight. How could he compete with that? "Buffy, I know you like flirting with the enemy, but I'm putting my foot down. Satan is crossing the line!"
Buffy rolled her eyes, "Not my date, not dating at all. And definitely not flirting. God, Xander, do you think I just jump on every evil attractive guy that comes my way?" She asked, furrowing her brows.
Xander stared at her blankly.
"Don't answer that. " Buffy retorted. "Look, we're just friends. Not that I feel like I should be explaining my love life to you - yet... somehow, I always end up having to." Annoyance was present in her tone. Her friends could be so nosy sometimes, especially Xander - always dogging the guys she chose to date. Who was he to judge anyways? I mean, sure... her last boyfriend turned crazy murderer and killed Giles' girlfriend and all... but, can everyone just get over that now? It's been long enough! They needed to cut her some slack. Besides, it wasn't like she was lying or anything. Lucifer was her friend, nothing more. "Believe it or not, The Devil's actually a pretty nice dude." Her shoulders shrugged.
"I never thought I'd live to hear that sentence, ever." Xander said.
Buffy quickly nodded in agreement, raising her brows. "Yeah, me too."
Okay, so maybe she had a problem? But, the issue was dating potentially evil guys - not befriending them. There was a difference.
"So, what's gonna happen if he actually does go all pure evil, soul sucky - or whatever the hell it is that Satan does, on us? I'd say it would ruin the party, but whenever you're around, it's usually never a party unless someone gets impaled on something. Hopefully the someone is a demon. I'd like to impale someone too, Buffy. You know, the good sort of impalement. Can't do that if he murders the sexy lady party goers." Xander spoke.
Buffy stared at him, unamused. "Gee, I feel so welcomed. I should come to parties more often. " She quipped sarcastically, "Also, ew. TMI, Xander." She said, curling her lip up in disgust. "Listen, if he goes all soul sucky, I'll kill him. He's my friend. My responsibility. It's only right if I do." Buffy answered calmly, shrugging her shoulder lazily.
"You can do that?" Xander rose a brow.
"I think so? I mean... I'm the Slayer - killer of all things evil. He gets evil, I chop off his head. Decapitation kills everything. Even Satan, I'm sure." Her brows raised. Finally, she turned to look over at Lucifer, who was currently grabbing a microphone in his hand; the tune of 'Baby, It's Cold Outside' playing in the background. "But see? Harmless. Just a karaoke singin' demon. That's not very evil if you ask me. Unless his voice sucks and we're all made to suffer through his infernal singing. Haha, get it? Infernal, 'cause he's Lucifer." Buffy laughed at her own little pun, and Xander took a sip of the eggnog in his hand.
"On second thought, the bad impalement is starting to sound better by the second." He quipped.
Buffy had turned her head and opened her mouth to respond to Xander's little retort, but before anything could come out of her mouth, her name was being called loudly through a microphone.
"Buffy, come join me up here!" Lucifer called, flashing her an inviting grin.
Buffy's eyes widened. Oh no, she didn't want to go sing holiday songs. Not in front of all these people. She didn't even have any liquid courage in her at the moment to push her into even trying such a thing. Buffy froze up in her spot. She was sure some of the girls that had gathered around Lucifer were staring back at her with death glares; shooting daggers with their eyes.
Cordelia was one of them, rolling her eyes at the fact that he had even chosen Buffy to sing a duet with him. Who was he? How did he even meet Buffy? And why her? What was so special about Buffy Summers? Her nail polish was so last week, and don't even get her started on the fact that Buffy came to the party dressed in a red Alice Olivia dress that was runway popular in last year's fashion magazines.
Xander poked the middle of Buffy's back with his index finger, and leaned over her shoulder to speak into her ear. "Not very evil, huh?" He teased, a chuckle in his tone.
"Shut up, Xander..." She grumbled in annoyance.
Lucifer was waving her over now. She couldn't ignore it. It'd be rude if she did. Buffy gulped and finally began to move towards him, through the small crowd, stopping once she had reached him. She flashed him a nervous little smile, before grabbing the second mic within her grip. Was she actually going to do this? Buffy licked her lips and took a deep breath - this shouldn't be so bad, right? She just had to calm down. It'd be like singing into her hairbrush in front of the mirror... only not in the privacy of her own room. Was her voice even that good? Would people judge her? Would they laugh at her? Buffy's nerves were on end. It was just karaoke - why was she so worried? It wasn't like she was auditioning for American Idol or anything.
Lucifer moved in close, "Don't worry, I won't embarrass you." He uttered into her ear.
Buffy nodded her head, and brought the mic to her lips; almost sheepishly, she began to sing the words into it.
"I really can't stay..."
"But, baby it's cold outside," Lucifer's voice was low, deep; alluring. Woah, she wasn't expecting that.
"I've got to go away..." Buffy continued to sing, this time a bit clearer.
"But, baby it's cold outside,"
"This evening has been..."
"Been hoping that you'd drop it." Lucifer walked closer to her, their eyes meeting.
Buffy blushed and her voice faltered. "S-so... very nice..."
"I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice." Lucifer grabbed her free hand within his and Buffy blushed even further. Should she pull away? Would it be too obvious? Her voice began to fail her; her mind was beginning to get distracted. That voice of his was just so... perfect. The most beautiful thing that had ever graced her ears.
"My mother will start to..." This time, she didn't even finish her lyrics.
Lucifer twirled her around using the hand that she never pulled away from him and continued to sing his lines. "Beautiful what's your hurry?"
Oh! He was such a liar. He said he wouldn't embarrass her - and yet, here he was. So much for hammering the fact that they were just friends into Xander's head. He was definitely going to think that Buffy was bullsh.itting him now. But, she really wasn't! Lucifer just liked to tease her - he found it amusing to do so; much to Buffy's dismay - she was totally going to punch him in the face in private after this. She should've known better than to trust the Devil, duh. Prince of Lies and all that. This was so unfair. Using his angelic gifts of music, making all the girls swoon - including Buffy, who was the one being serenaded at the moment. Ugh, why couldn't she be normal and bring a normal guy to the party? Why Satan? Why not Bradley? He was normal.
Okay, did he have a button that she could push to make him all evil? She'd prefer him getting all sucky with the souls right about now - violence and blood would be welcomed for once.