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𝙆𝙤𝙪𝙟𝙞. Last Login: April 22nd, 2024 Gender: Male Age: 118 Sign: Gemini Country: Japan Signup Date: August 19, 2019 Subscriptions:

03/09/2022 07:46 PM  Fading "He said his light was fading. Obviously I couldn't take it seriously. He said it so often. I thought he was... being dramatic. After all, how many times had I sat listening to him cry over this or that so many things. Besides, I know a bit about being dramatic. He was the sort that when sad he was so very sad. Depths of despair sad. He would apologize with tears still in his eyes and a small sad smile upon his lips. 'I'm sorry I cannot help it, I can only feel one thing at a time.' I would always shrug. It was what I liked, he was so very honest and open. From me he hid nothing because I didn't judge and wasn't all that important. I was simply there listening. It might sound odd, I who seem so judgmental… You must understand… I put people in two categories, the one I judge harshly and those I like. Those I like I judge less, if at all.  I liked him from the start. I never knew him happy. I thought, here, here is a sad soul comparable to myself but I was so wrong. He was only like me in his sadness. Sadness can kill his breed and his sadness affected me to the point I neglected him. Until at last it occurred to me I couldn't recall the last time I'd seen or heard from him. So I went to see my faerie friend. I climbed the stairs of the grand manor he'd chosen to lock himself away in. His adoptive father's abandoned home. His prison. I pushed the door open. It was already ajar. It even made a loud creaking sound echoing across the expansive hall. Certainly he would appear at the top of the stairs and gracefully walk down to meet me but there was no one, not a sound. I didn't need to think about it, somehow I knew exactly where he would be. Up the stairs I climbed and to the end of the hall. Another ajar door behind which shone a tiny flickering light. I pushed the door open and there Tsunehito lay upon the floor in front of his treasured sewing machine." At last the sullen vampire took a breath taking the weak man's hand in his bringing it to his lips and placing a soft kiss there. "There you were my friend. Almost gone. Then I brought you here to your bedchamber. And I beg you… do not go." The lovely red headed man looked up at the vampire and sighed. "There's only a little light left within me. I thought… I don't know why I should stay. Then here you are, my longest constant friend since this dark cloud formed, one by one everything was destroyed. I often wonder why. Before… growing up, so many bad things and always I could find the light and now my only light is you someone so dark." Tsunehito closed his eyes resting. "I have not been good for you. I've left you alone." The vampire admitted laying the faerie's hand down on the bed. "You have proven I am not alone. You today, your visit is my first joy in ever so long. Do not worry. There's not much light left in me but I will not go." He opened his eyes lifting his hand to stroke his dear friend's cheek. "Kouji I will rest and I will live." 0 Comments  [ This blog post is viewable to friends only ] [ This blog post is viewable to friends only ] 01/09/2020 10:44 PM  Reflection The mess of it all when for the first time in ages I was faced with a person I didn’t want to hate me. It’s funny how we’ll behave around people we like, people that interest us. It was like my ever practiced and perfected mask fell off to the floor and shattered, its delicate porcelain shards scattering across the wooden planks.  I couldn’t put on my usual act with her. In time I realized I was fascinated with her masochistic nature, she needed to be saved. Because of my own past failure in saving someone very dear to me, I needed to save someone. It didn’t suit me, a savior complex but I had engaged in the behavior without even realizing it. Redemption is a tricky thing and situations are often far more nuanced than we would like. I needed to save someone, she needed someone to want to save her but I was wrong about a few things. She did not wish to be saved and I needed to keep her around so I could continue to observe her heal only to self destruct once more. Over and over I dragged her out of the river or out of a tub. I sealed her wounds, put her somewhere safe with people I hoped could help her but she didn’t heal.  She always found another way to try and go. After a while it grew tiresome, bothersome and I came to the conclusion, if she wished to end her life who was I to stop her. I could continue to delude myself there was something more there than there was. Telling myself I felt more than I did, such a noble feeling as to excuse my behavior when I could have ended it at any time. Oh no, I’m not good, I’m still not good. As much as I’d like to say I tried I really did nothing more than make everything worse up until I walked away. The least I can do is not turn back in any way more than reflecting on what had passed between us. 0 Comments  [ This blog post is viewable to friends only ] 10/02/2019 12:01 PM  Awakening Enshrouded in darkness… so dark he was unsure if his eyes were opened or closed. He was in the middle of clawing his way back to consciousness. Or the beginning or the end. Kouji was unaware of how long he’d been in his current state. He’d lost all sense of time and place months ago. Faint sounds leaked in through his ears. Muffled like he was surrounded by mountains of cotton and wool. A carriage on cobblestones, a baby crying, the laughter of children on the streets playing. These were all guesses as to what, he had no frame in which to place the abstract painting in his mind. A pounding resounded, closer than the others. His eyes fluttered struggling to open, his head turning curious over the sound but nothing  happened of his own accord. They couldn’t open, why couldn’t they? Laughter came next. It was familiar, this laughter. From whom? Where had he heard that voice. His features quirked as he tried to awaken, exert his will but he was paralyzed. This knowledge came to him from somewhere and he simply understood that it was so.  ‘Let this not be so… let me awaken…' Words like a mantra repeated in his mind. It could have been hours later or mere moments but at long last, he felt something. A sharp pain. A piercing sensation in his skin. It was then that a soft gasp departed from his lips. It was something he couldn't control. Then came the metallic scent, moisture on his lips, dribbling in, trickling down his throat. His mouth was forced open wider and a steady stream of the warm liquid fell into it an object pressed against his lips… the flavor… the blood. At once with the realization he lost the small bit consciousness he had gained. Time passed, time lost and he awoke once more. This time his thoughts quite different.  'Where am I? Who am I?' In his mind, despite searching he could not recall. Only a name, Kouji. He made no attempt to rise. His eyes darted about the room. He was surrounded by four stone walls, a wooden door on one and a fireplace aglow with dancing flame upon another. From what he could tell he was alone until he heard a rustling of fabric behind him.  "Oh Kouji my Kouji, what sights do I have to show you…" Came the musical voice from behind him. Soft footfalls sounded off the stone floor as she walked into view. "We shall have so much fun. You'll see." A mischievous grin spread across her youthful visage in the next instant his vision blurred and the world went black once more. 0 Comments  09/25/2019 08:35 PM  London is Burning The heat… why was it so hot… that was his first thought. It was nearing summer's end but still warm but it shouldn't be this warm. These were the vampire's first thoughts as he awoke. It was a rather sudden waking compared to other days. His eyes shot open and he sat up in his bed cleverly nestled inside the closet to shield him from the daylight. Was it a heat wave? He was new to the neighborhood, to the country really. He'd come to London in the last year of the plague out of morbid fascination so he wasn't yet accustomed to the weather yet. Maybe the sudden heat was normal… maybe. He reached up for the handle, turning it he pushed the door open a crack and that was when the smoke wafted in assaulting his nostrils. There was no sign of distress in his expression as he pushed the door open the rest of the way. Eyes darted to the window as he emerged from his hidden bed. His senses told him the building housing him wasn't on fire, at least not yet. Gliding across the floor a pale hand braced the windowsill as he craned his neck to see what was amiss through thick dusty glass. As expected from the buildings in the distance flames danced against the night sky like little red devils.  A ruckus could be heard in the hallway but Kouji remained unaffected by the room around him. Not even when the door was flung wide and a young man burst in did he look. "Master… y-you're awake. There's n-not much t-time… the city's on fire!" His words were rushed as he bustled about the room first pulling a bag from under the bed and began packing for him. "Yes… yes… London is burning. Whatever shall we do?" His tone was laced with amusement as he turned and glanced at his companion. Anthony was his name, he'd befriended him shortly after arriving and convinced him he was his servant and this was his house instead of young Anthony's. The young male had such a weak mind it had it had been remarkably easy to break into and reprogram to his liking.  Unbothered he went behind the changing screen and dressed in one of the suits he'd somehow been able to purchase once he'd arrived. Pickings were rather slim since the city was only just bouncing back from its earlier crisis. He hung his sleeping gown on the screen and stepped into his boots before stepping in front of the floor length mirror and made sure he was appropriately attired to go out. Seeing buttons all buttoned and shirt and jacket all in place he stepped out from behind the screen. A book clattered to the floor, at last drawing his attention from the window. "Do leave those. We are not leaving just yet." The vampire glanced back out of the window before he looked back at Anthony taking in his panicked expression almost laughing but he instead looked deadly serious. "I think I'll take a walk." Unsure Anthony hugged the books still on his grasp to his chest. "Master it's dangerous… people are...it's madness and no end in sight."  Tilting his head there was, though ever so slight, an amused twinkle in his eye as hand raised he held his forefinger to his lips as he shushed him before he took the few steps to the hallway door still open wide and with that rushed into the hall down the stairs and out the hall. 0 Comments  08/27/2019 05:29 PM  Kami Soft footfalls sounded on the wet pavement of an empty street, empty save for one man. He didn’t pause his steps nor did he turn his head to discern the source of said footfalls. Oh no, his attention was on a flickering street lamp ahead on the corner across the street. There was nothing particularly odd about that or at least to others there wouldn’t be but for some unknown reason it gave the vampire an unsettling feeling as though something was going to happen and soon. As he stepped off the curb his foot hit the edge of a puddle causing a small splash he ignored as he crossed the street. Vaguely it registered in the back of his mind that the sound of another following him didn’t stop. What’s more he could sense it wasn’t a human nor vampire following him. The who was also a what it would seem. Pausing under the flickering light he still didn’t look at once only noting the sound stopped. A slight frown graced his features as it was clear he was indeed being followed. Turning his head he saw no one.  “Alright whoever… whatever… I’ll play your little game.” He announced into the empty space behind him. With another glance up at the flickering light which still left him with that feeling. It must be connected to whoever was following. The stalking continued as he resumed his walk only brisker this time. He turned a corner advancing a few more paces before he stopped and leaned against the wall waiting to see what would emerge from behind him. A hooded stranger turned the corner long brown hair tapering out from beneath the hood was the only discerning feature revealed at once. “Közi?” The man muttered under his breath. He raised his arms crossing them over his chest as if to protect himself from the cold. He had been waiting to berate whatever creature would dare follow him but the voice, the scent that flooded his senses, he knew it well even if he didn’t recall. Try as he might he couldn’t place him immediately. “Indeed that is my name.” He uttered taken aback but whatever he’d sensed coming must be unfolding at the moment. The familiar stranger stood there a moment looking at him. “I wasn’t certain it was you but I’m glad I found you at last.” He explained in a soft gentle voice as he lifted the hood and pushed it back so the vampire could see his face. Tilting his head long brown locks fell over his shoulder. He was looking at him seemingly waiting for something, most likely some sign he was recognized but in the next instant he embraced the man. Közi wracked his brain but try as he might he couldn’t place him. It was as though there was a wall and try as he might he couldn’t penetrate it. Before he could fashion a response he felt his arms around him. Raising his arms he returned the embrace. Being in his arms was as familiar as his face, his voice, his smell but still he remained at a loss. “I could say the same. It has been how long?” He asked in a subtle way to place him. Perhaps the knowledge could provide him with some sort of reference of where or when he had known him.  There was a smile lighting up his face as the stranger stepped back releasing him. His face showed he was computing in his head as his gaze traveled to a car parked nearby. “Nineteen… maybe twenty years?” He stated his answer in the form of a question. From the expression on his face the vocalization of this time period seemed impossible. Looking back at him in puzzlement he raised his hand pushing his long mane over his shoulders. “Has it really been so long, but it must be the world is so different…” The vampire was just as puzzled as he looked back at him. “Possibly… my mind comes and goes…” He answered tilting his head to one side then the other a slow smile forming with a hint of apologetic to it. Forgetting things was a side effect to the torture he’d suffered at the hands of his sire. He wasn’t fully aware of what all was done to him nor was he aware of all he had lost. "I'm sorry, I've been through a change..." His mind continued working hard to find the name without having to ask.  The other gazed silently at the one he remembered as always being surrounded by red... and eyeballs. It's funny how the little details slowly come back. "Do you even think back... to the past?" He asked wondering his voice hopeful. Közi could see no way other than to admit it shaking his head a bit. "I think back but I don't remember. There are things I lose." He sighed raising a hand his nimble fingers running through his already messy hair. "I remember but don't. I'm sorry." He concluded head lowered at the failure he felt washing over him. "But maybe..." he looked back up as the glimmer of a memory poked through the deep crimson shroud pushing the pieces together. "You went away..." He mentioned. When he made it clear that he couldn't remember him, the man’s heart clearly sunk. He must have been important, they must have been something to one another. To be forgotten by those that meant so much to him, putting it simply, it must hurt. More than the other seemed willing to reveal. He just gave a sad smile. Perhaps it was better this way, without Közi remembering.  "It's okay if you don't remember. Don't remember much, either." He admitted. He felt his pockets for something his packet of cigarettes, only to find them lacking. He didn’t know why he just knew that was what he was looking for. He let out a sigh and just stuffed his hands inside the pockets instead. "I know we were close, the best of friends, and I remember a few things about that. Nothing since then." He said, and then decided to add, "If you don't remember my name, I'm Kami, but I hope you at least remembered that." It was obvious to him he'd hurt the other but he hadn't intended it. Lately it seemed all he could do but to hurt those he cared about. He wished he could somehow get back to the self that simply didn't do those things. "I didn't do it on purpose. I wish I could. I wish I could remember so very many things." He sighed. "It was a trick I think. I think it was a punishment for my arrogance. I'm not human any longer..." He explained reaching in his pocket for his cigarettes. "You're always running out." He handed him the pack not realizing at first what he'd said and as it dawned on him he blinked a few times. Pulling out his lighter with his other hand , he offered it as well. "How could I forget? I mean as you said it, it is so clear to me. Kami... I think I missed you if that makes any sense."  Kami silently listened to the other explain and seemed to be thinking. What had happened in the year since the last time. He wondered but likely Kami could tell him nothing. Közi recalled the streetlight, he remembered another time, another street, another flicker then a stranger appeared. This had happened before. Kami must recall at least some of that night. As strange as it was.  The long haired male smiled and took the offered pack of cigarettes, gaze lowering as he opened the pack and selected a cigarette. "You remember that, though, huh?" He remarked seeming to find it pretty amusing as he slid the cigarette between his lips, handed the pack back to him and used the lighter to light the end before giving that back to him, too. He took a sharp inhale from it, like it were very much a necessity. "Thanks." He gave a nod. Strange it was indeed, Közi couldn't help but keep thinking it. Had they both befallen such a fate? Both of them with their memories lost to them for he couldn’t remember all of that last meeting. He couldn't help but wonder where he had been all this time. He chuckled then nodding. "Funny the things that come back to you first such as this." He remarked pocketing the items again but not before taking a cigarette for himself and lighting it. "I always have plenty." He added. Kami pulled the cigarette back up to his lips to take another long drag from it, inhaling its poison eagerly and then moving it from his mouth to reply. "It's like some crazy conspiracy." He muttered, his brows furrowing a little at the confusion he felt.  He glanced at Kami as he spoke nodding then frowning as well. "Just like..." he replied concentrating on his own cigarette. He shook his head his mind working overtime to put the pieces together. Conspiracy. The subject seemed awfully familiar. Something to do with their friendship, perhaps? He recalled suddenly the previous time he’d met with him. That wasn’t the first time either. Suddenly it made sense, he was a ghost, a phantom that came to him from time to time.  Using the thumb and middle finger tips of his free hand, he massaged his temples as though his head was aching from all the thinking and trying to recall the past. Instead of saying anything else for the moment, Kami seemed focused solely on smoking his cigarette, pressing his back against the wall and leaning there for a while. "OH." Kami then said, "Were you on your way to somewhere in particular? I didn't mean to hold you up." He had a feeling that even before odd things always simply happened to him without him even trying. For some people, life was just... like that. He looked over at Kami as he spoke again. "Hmmm?" He shook his head as he understood. "Oh no, I was on my way home. Would you like a beer? I suddenly would like one very much." Kami smiled, nodding his head. "I think I'd love one." He admitted, finishing his cigarette and snuffing it out against the brick wall, squashing it there before flicking the butt aside and turning back to the vampire.  He flashed a smile taking another puff of his cigarette. "You're in luck, my fridge is stocked unless someone  snuck in and poured my beer out again. I have a feeling that didn’t happen again." He told him winking as he stepped away from the wall dropping the cigarette putting it out under his boot.  "I think I complicated your day. I'm sorry about that." He paused and then went on, "but I'm not sorry for stalking you. I'm glad about seeing you again." Looking back at Kami he shrugged. "My days are always complicated. At least this complication is welcome." He answered with a smile that hid a little pain then started towards his abode. "This way my friend." "Someone poured your beers away?" Kami asked pushing himself away from the wall, smiling as he followed the vampire.  He shrugged chuckling as he backed away. "There was some worry of me... overindulging. I decided I was fine." He explained turning around beckoning his friend to follow. Though he suddenly Kami paused and eyed him suspiciously. "You're not a serial killer are you?" The vampire paused once more. It was a question he’d been asked before however. He just came off that way to people sometimes. "No I am not. Funny you should ask. A lot of people find me so suspicious." He laughed a bit as he led on. "I’m really not though." Kami stared at the man for a moment before following trailing behind just a bit. "I'm glad you're fine... but for the record, if you need a friend, someone to turn to, instead of hitting the bottle, Közi, you can speak to me." Kami kindly offered. "Always."  “I could always…” He just knew as sure as he knew his name, he had always been a kind, caring man. He had loved him once so very long ago. He had been his back then. Being kind and caring had been one of his strengths as well as a weakness. People would often use him and then throw him aside like he was worthless but it wasn’t like that with Közi. He had never used him, others but never him. “I could rely on you.” He nodded his head gently as he trudged on  wondering how long he would stay at his side this time. Kami then let out a soft sigh, hurrying to catch up with the other. "I feel like I can trust you, though." He thought over the other's words as he led him down a street lined with warehouses turned into apartments. If he recalled correctly, self-destructive would be the perfect descriptor for him. "I could always depend on you. We could depend on each other." He replied glancing back flashing a smile before turning around. “I know I always did...we did… I still do… " He added thinking a moment he shrugged. "You can always trust me. I'm not good for much but for my true friends..." He paused smiling back at him again. "You can trust me and I'm glad you can see it. I know you could when no one else could." Kami stuffed his hands into his pockets as they walked on. The breeze was ice cold in parts.  His words made the ghost smile. "Always." He said, nodding. He meant it, too. He was glad he had. His gaze lingered on the other for a while longer than after he had finished speaking. "Are you keeping something back?" Kami questioned, curiously half disappointed. "I want you to trust me, too, Kozi. Please." Nodding as he heard Kami agree always. For some reason it warmed his heart to hear that. They'd been close before. It was something he'd been missing lately as it was so hard to find people with whom he could feel any kind of connection. Mostly he didn’t mind being alone Crossing to the next building he opened the door holding it opened he looked at Kami and shook his head. "I don't think I could hide anything from you if I tried." Kami walked alongside the other silently for the next couple of minutes. That he said he didn't think he could hide anything from him seemed to make Kami happy because he smiled hearing those words. That smile that lit up his face. Waiting patiently as the man opened the door and let him inside, Kami then bowed his head in thanks and entered quickly, seeming glad to escape the cold. Then he turned back to wait. "Do you still play?" He wondered aloud. "Guitar?" He asked as he walked past his friend to the stairs. "Elevator is perpetually broken." He explained before nodding. "I do still play..." He smiled back at him just a bit before walking. "I live quite high.” He explained as they walked up. "Do you still play?” He asked in return but was only half surprised when he didn’t get an answer. “It would be fun to play together again." He mused as he walked hand on the round industrial style railing affixed to the wall. His eyes blinked rapidly but no tears came as he glanced back to find as he suspected he was alone again. “Maybe next time…” he muttered trudging to the top and letting himself back inside his home. 0 Comments  View All Posts