People don't change, the times change.. weather changes, darkness takes darkness and consumes the light. No matter how long you're alive for, you always come back full circle. The mistakes and the regrets.. He looks at his hands. These hands, the hands of a father.. a husband, a farmer.. hands that use to tuck in your child. Hold your wife. And no matter what, the blood will always be there. The stain of what you've done, the haunting chill of all the screams and the pain.
It weighs down your soul, burns your wings. My wings were burned a long time ago. The moment I set foot on Earth, I knew my life would be different. It changed, and it changed for the worst. The love I felt, the heart that filled me. I destroyed, and now I hear them. No matter who I lay with, or when I feel a bit of happiness, I feel the endless torment of a sorrow and pain that will never leave. That's my burden, and that's my curse.
I am cursed with the immortality of a being that doesn't deserve life. A being who kills, murders. People say I don't feel remorse after a kill, but the souls of the damned I condemn echo through out my entire being. I carry them all, they are as much apart of me as I apart of them. Every waking night, I lay and stare into the abyss of endless night. I hear them calling out to me, torturing me. I could ignore them, but I am their keeper.
The pain and the voices in the my head. I can't get rid of them, no matter how hard I try. I hear them. Shaking and fueling my inner anger. The Demon, the Angel. I can't. I try to end things. Hanging myself didn't work. I tried to, the pain.. I couldn't take it anymore. I laid there, swinging from the rafters. A cold, lifeless corpse. The chilling voices, it kept me going. I woke suddenly. The world turned to darkness, and the light seemed to fade.
In a world of monsters, I became the worst. Innocent souls I captured and tortured. Corrupted and sent to the world below. It's a world I've been trying to escape my entire lifetime. People think Hell is a place, a domain. The Hell is your own personal damnation. People can't escape it. Once your soul's tainted, there's no going back. That darkness, the echoing fear of a world you once knew coming to an end, returns full force.
I've been shot, blown up.. my very essence erased from existence and I am still here, wondering the Earth as the modern day Prometheus. The Frankenstein's Monster. Soulless with feeling. I never believed in having a soul, until what I did. I am the lone gunmen, the gunslinger of a world long since forgotten. I thought I hung my guns up a long time ago. But, the battle still wages on. I've fallen on my sword. But, here I am. I've tried to be righteous.
But, a Leopard can't change its spots. The more I fight the urge, the more the mark reminds me. The curse against my damned soul. Every kiss, every touch.. turns to ash in my mouth and a painful reminder on my soul. I can't give in.. the monster, the beast within me. It wants out, it's clawing and scratching. Any relationship I get into, I fear for the safety and the stability. If I loose myself to it, the beast comes out.
The pure rage of a caged animal, it holds nothing back. The worst part, is I don't black out like most people think. I am aware of what I'm doing, the endless killing.. the torture, the screams.. their blood coating and staining my body while I sit there laughing at their pain. I wake suddenly as if it were a fever dream. Constantly haunting and reminding me of my dark desire and past. I am the Demon. I try to fuel it and control it.
It looks as though I am no longer the man. An endless sea of horror and dead.. lifeless eyes. All staring back at me, the chilling screams. I can't go a minute without hearing the screams. The faces of the ghosts pop up, the chill down to the bone. I shake, and I shiver.. the damp running cold down my spine. It's fear and self-loathing.. I often think about ending things more rather then starting new. People don't give me the time of day, I am a wraith, a specter.
Haunting the world, what's dead should stay dead and buried. I know my pain and place. But, I walk the Earth alone. The Angel of Death on my shoulder, the Grim Reaper knocking on my door. There is no Heaven for me, and all the Damnation in the world. Coming for me, haunting and hunting me. My damned soul. Taunting me with the prospect of Death. Dangling it in front of me every time I come near my time, but taking it away by healing me again.
I feel it coursing through my veins. It fuels my power. So, I can't live without the power of the Damned Souls. But, I can't cope with it either. Each time I kill, I get stronger. Their blood fuels my power and it's a power that I crave. I don't want to crave it, but.. it's intoxicating once you get a taste of it. Once you get a taste of the power, you never want it to stop. I built my Kingdom on blood and pain. I reside on the bones of the Damned and Fallen. Angel, Demon.. Man. It doesn't matter. The “Blood King” is what I've been called before.
“The King of Death..” Death is where I leave, and wish to remain buried.. but, nothing is buried forever. The atonement of my judgment is not coming. It's here, and it's been here as long as I can remember. I slaughtered my family, my daughter.. my own child and my wife, without thinking twice about it. The Damned Souls tormenting me, cast an evil shadow among my family. All I saw were objects to kill and get past. To gain the power that I craved, and desired.. lusted after, I slaughtered them..
It's a memory that will linger on forever, like a bad odor. I see their faces, I hear their screams. I've become the Reaper in a sense. I unleash the Hell I feel among others and cast their souls into oblivion. I am not the being you want to love, because when I start to feel love.. that's generally when the other shoe drops and falls. I am a grenade, my anger.. my fury, knows no equal.. has no limitations. It's all I can do to contain it, to fight it and control it. I try and harness it into something constructive, but it always comes down to the base needs.
Blood, Death, Carnage and Chaos. I am not a monster, but the monster is me. I am a grenade, at any moment I can go off. I am a King, my Kingdom is Death. My people's blood. It runs through me, and my future offspring will have the power of this Damned Curse and Burden. I've dared to love, and I've tried to move on with my life. Leave the warrior and the Blood King behind. Masquerading my evil dark desires through good deeds of men and creatures alike.
I try to be a good person, but my anger and desire for blood leaves me alone through the world. I always am alone, even when I feel love or have the love of someone.. my soul still feels pained and I am engulfed in darkness. The endless torment, of an everlasting pain that'll never go away. It'll never be filled, and I am the endless torment of a tortured Damned Soul.
The world falls into chaos, I am the entity and being that has to come and clean it up. No matter how many times I save it, I do something to put some part of it in jeopardy. I wish I could go back and change things, but even with the ability to travel through time and space, I know I can't take that risk. It takes all the restraint and will power not to go back and stop myself that night. That horrible night, that night that will live on forever in my tormented soul.
I regret what I've done, and I don't regret it. I am not writing this to try and justify my actions. I didn't do anything for a righteous reason. Or because it was the right thing to do. It was my own selfish needs and desires. Evil was already within my heart, I wasn't born good and turned Evil. No.. The shadow of the Darkness lived on through me and it woke in a blind fury that left me the man I am today.
I woke from my slumber, the veil and pain of the light got cast away and pulled aside. Hell became my Heaven, and Heaven turned into my Damnation. Sorrow turned to pleasure, and pain turned into a euphoric drug that I've been chasing for centuries. I've seen the evolution of man, given men fire and taught them how to survive and thrive in a chaotic world of darkness. I didn't help them out of the kindness of my heart, I did it for my selfish reasons knowing it would piss of the big guy.
God isn't absent, he isn't almighty and all knowing. I've had conversations with my former father many times. Angry conversations. He's still tried to reach out to me, and I don't blame him for this curse I placed on myself. I knew the risks of committing my life to this way of torture. Many people thought and still think it was my father that cursed me for falling to Earth. I hate him for other reasons. Call it the Demon Blood I've drunk my entire life.
I surround myself with Evil dark temptation, because I am the temptation now. I am King, and it's a Kingdom of dark pain and everlasting suffering that is caused by our own actions and morals. King of the Damned and the Dying. Heaven is done with me, but Hell isn't finished. No matter how far I go, or what I do.. my Hell follows me. I try to escape, but I am the Gate Keeper of the endless Sea of sorrow and pain. Souls wail out and cry in torture. I sit and watch the river of souls course through the molten rock of my Kingdom.
The mourning cries of the Damned flow through me, the river and I are connected. People can't escape Hell. Hell is a place, but it's within them so even if they wonder the Earth, they are specters of their own fate and design. Heaven and Hell aren't real, but real enough. When you die and you pass on, those who were good, remain at peace and their own personal Heaven is what they make of it and choose. They come back as something pure and innocent, good. When entities like myself die, they never pass on. They are trapped between two worlds.
Living in the wake of their own horror and sin. The fear plagues them and they drown in the dark abyss of their own damned actions. I often wonder what my life would have been like, and even if I didn't slaughter my family I would have ended up alone anyways. I live with the pain of life, when I cast death and the shadow it falls upon is the wake of my undying lust for blood and carnage. I am the maker of my own fate. Destiny was something written for me a long time ago, and when I hold my saber, I feel that crawling back through my skin.
I become numb to the pain and torture. I condemn people, torturing them to no end. I know the pressure points of pain. Mind games, the inner circle of the darkest pit is where I reside and rule. I watch over the Damned. Demons are my children, I their father. The Underworld of Hell, the dank pit of despair.. needed a ruler. Someone with the power and grace to watch over. I am not a pure Demon. I am an Archangel, the Fallen. I go by another name, but through centuries of endless torture and ash transformed my name into the name and entity you see today.
I am a hard man to know, love. I keep shields and walls up for a reason. I am alone for a reason, and when someone loves me the way they do, I fear for their own souls. That's why I love demons, their souls are damned, pure souls can't love me. If they do, they end up being Damned the way mine was. I am the ultimate sin, the pure pleasure of lust and corruption. When you fall for me, you give into the most darkest of desires.
I am not a good guy, I am just a Dark creature of Sin and Corruption wrapped in a good looking package. Everything about me is made to seduce you, and corrupt you. To have you give into your base needs and carnal desires. When you give into me, it's to give into the purest Sin. I am Sin and Corruption. I am Wrath, the hatred of all the violence in the world of within men's hearts. My Wrath is undying and never ending. Pure blood, and dark behavior.
I often wonder how and why I've come to become the being, the entity that I am. Throughout my life, I was the warrior, the provided and protector. I found my being through my essence of my darkness, and the power that ever consumes me into a dying lust is what I am today. I am in a constant war within my own self, and it's a war that's projected through my entity onto others. It never ends, I try and try, but it constantly haunts me.
I find myself walking through an endless graveyard of headstones. An eerie feeling washes over me, as the sky opens up to ash falling slowly in the form of snow. I am wearing my black trench coat, black pants. My black boots fall into the snow while my long black hair covers the scar across my right eye. I look down and see the stones of my wife and daughter. A decrepit hand shoots out from the dirt mound below me and grabs a hold of my throat. Suddenly, the wave of surprise hasn't washed over yet and I struggle. It feels like I'm drowning, and no matter how hard I try I can't surface.
I fight and I fight, I scream but no one's there. Beads of sweat pour and drip from my brow while I see myself falling into the Earth below me. The ground begins to open up, hearing the souls of the Damned and their cries. Beckoning and welcoming my home. It's a warm feeling of cold dread washing over me, and the more I struggle the more pain I feel. It's hard for me to breathe, and I find myself being pulled into an endless abyss of darkness. I'm floating, no falling or struggling.. just floating, as if I were in water. Bubbles start to escape from my dark colored lips.
I lay there in the abyss and a haunting, eerie.. ethereal voice echoes out of nowhere.. “Azrael”.. It chilled me down to my bones. It left me with a feeling of dread, but a calming feeling as well. It scared me. Not the voice or the drowning. No, what scared me more was how calm the voice made me. I was no longer drowning, or scared about where I was. The name seemed like I had known that name my entire life. It was as though it was a lost name, that was deep within me.
It was a name that resonated within my soul. It scared me, because I knew all along that my real name, and true self came out. It was like an awakening. Something that had once been lost, had been found within me. All the pain and torment, suddenly seemed to wash over me. It didn't break me, like I thought it would. I noticed the change and while it still haunted me, the words and tone of my former self changed. Like a wolf at the Full Moon, I suddenly became drawn to the power. The entity of Darkness that had engulfed my soul from a very early age was now dominant within me.
I ended up laughing. It was more demented, empty. Nothing crazy or humorous. I looked myself in the mirror, and I saw an Evil.. ugly face within the face of a handsome man. My true face, scarred by the misdeeds I committed among others. It all added up and weighed down on me and I couldn't stop laughing. The inner-self within me tried to struggle to regain my control and composure, but it was overtaken by the soul that had surfaced. Beautifully broken I had become. I had become the very thing I fought against in my youth.
The Damned and the Dying. I slammed my hand against the glass, having it shatter.. myself shattering with it. Rain poured down from the sky, but it was a manifestation of the storm raging within me. Trying to take control, harness this new found energy into something pure and toxic at the same time. Two sides were fighting, the light and the darkness. I knew that within the world of today, darkness combated darkness. Evil fought Evil. I was the creature the world needed, but the creature the world condemned.
My actions and means aren't justified because the world is an evil place. It's always evil, it has been ever since the first corruption of men in the sacred garden of peace. I am now that evil because I choose to be that evil. I slaughter and kill, because it's a need that's grown within me and a need that helps curb the beast within me. The struggle of a drowning man begins to come to a head. The darkness has a strangle hold over a thrashing light. The body of light struggles for air, gasping for its last breath while the hold of darkness tightens around it.
Tightening like noose, hanging around his neck. He cries out for help, but knows that none will come. One last gasp of effort, the man of light reaches outward into a sea of darkness. The hope in his eyes turns to despair when he suddenly realizes that help and hope will never come. What he thought he saw in a small glimmer of light within the distance, was a mirage.. a false hope. Something that will haunt and plague him forever. The last gasp of air leaving his body while the white of his eyes turns blank. The struggling light being choked by the darkness begins to lay limp in his hands.
The raging storm that had surrounded them, intense thunder and wicked lightning begins to die down. The struggle is over. The Darkness was too overwhelming for the Light and the Light lost. It was a valiant struggle for supremacy, and maybe if the Darkness wasn't needed as badly.. the Light could have won, but in the end the victory cast out the Light and forever became trapped within the cage of Darkness. The entity disappeared into nothing, while the Darkness remained strong and unforgiving.
It gave off a smile, wicked and devious. As if it knew all along that it was going to win in this confrontation. Damned of the doing and responsible, caring nature of the Light towards the vast void of carnage and chaos. It didn't matter, a good and kind father.. Warrior of honor and grace. Fallen to the temptations and power of corruption and a world of sin. It was a trap and a trick all along. Fooling one self into thinking that it can be controlled where it's a whole other beast entirely. It made no sense. He didn't need it, he was strong enough without it, yet.. he cast himself into this role because he wanted to.
It was a Mistress that he couldn't put past anymore. She was sexy, beautiful. Tempting. Alluring, and mysterious. Everything he desired in a woman, even if he dared not show it to the one he was already with. When he made love to her, it was something he never felt. Darkness woke him, stirred things within him. It was just an entity of deep desire he had, but it gave life into the temptation needed to fall and be cast into the shadows of Damned endless torment. She was disguised, and while we're taught not to give into temptation, he gave in.
It was the most intense moment of his life. The way she was with him. The way she whispered in his ear. Igniting something within him he hadn't felt for decades. He didn't care, he wanted.. no, needed her badly. She was the thing he had been missing, something fueled him after. When he awoke, there was no one there, and again.. he thought it was with an actual woman, when it was his own desires and temptations of darkness that he was giving into. The intense moment he thought he was sharing with an actual being was a specter of desire and lust.
Greed and power overcame him, turning him into something twisted. The beauty of her body, and smell of her skin, the taste of her power. Everything aroused him to no end. It was the beast that called out to him, and the beast he f***ed and made passionate love to. Leaving his family behind, he gave into her and yearned to have her call out to him again. So, in a fit of rage he slaughtered them without thinking. Hoping it would bring her back, but in turn.. had twisted him into the very thing he was today.
I should have known at the time, but it was a moment that turned me and changed me. Even more than when I fell. I saw the world and the world for what it was. Darkness. There are no poems about Light. The fire within me was Hell. The fuel and the passion was out of greed and desire. My sins gave into my will and I fell into a consuming pit that still drives my soul to the brink every day. Every day is a struggle. Sometimes, I wish I had never encountered this and other days I can't find myself living without it.
It's all consuming, intoxicating. The drug and high that'll never go away. Each kill is different. I remember the touch of feathers and wings. The immense energy that dispersed throughout the universe when I killed that Angel. I tortured her. Condemned her to a decade of pain and suffering and I loved it. The look of horror and betrayal, reminding me of my wife. Each time I dug into her, the pain would surface. Her face would change and twist into that image of my fallen beloved. I would try and stop it, but the desire to kill was so much more stronger than the guilt I felt.
The sounds of silence took over the room, blood and feathers stained my hands. Hands that once lovingly held my child. Cared for her, played with her.. now the hands of a demented creature of a lost soul. The passions once felt for a world of peace, now overtook into the world of endless violence and carnage. She laid there, broken. The once proud look in her eyes of being a strong entity, now gone into a voiceless white. Her soul was now mine, it belonged to me. The thirst was sated for now. I consumed her essence. Ate her, and drunk from her. I don't need blood to survive, I am not a Vampire.
It's the ritual of the rite, that I needed. Craved.. no desired. Each kill was my own rite. I owned that essence now, I wasn't about to let it travel to the other side and find its own peace. No.. it would forever be apart of me, trapped within my/its own Hell. Wondering for eternity in a sea of vast emptiness. Screaming and fighting, trying to claw its way to freedom only to be suppressed by nature and tone. I am the Evil. I am the Hell. My beast resides within me, and those that desire it, I give into because it's a desire I know all too well.
Often I find myself sitting alone in the dark, consumed with my rage and sorrow all at once. I look outward, into the night. Finding a sense of a calming peace to everything. Even now with the rage that's an endless sea flooding into me, I still feel calm. Coiled, like a Viper.. ready to strike at the first thing that really pisses me off. Over the years I have learned to harness this power, and don't get me wrong. It'll be a power and desire I'll never fully control. It burns my every waking moment into becoming something I still don't recognize in myself.
Know thy self, and understand the world for they are one in the same. But, my world is apart form the rest. I walk in between worlds and my soul will never find peace. I know that my torment and endless torture will remain a definite in my life. That's why I love it, love it the way others shouldn't. My partner is pain, and my lover is torturing torment. I live for it, I am devoted to it. I'm its best student. I know how to torture and give out pain in ways people could only dream in their nightmares. The worst it is, the more haunting it becomes to me.
The more I carry it around with me and let it burn within my very dark soul. If I even have a soul anymore. Hard to say, because I feel remorse and regret. Sorrow and even empathy. I feel like others do, I just don't know if that's enough. Like a thousand knives jabbing into every part of my being. It's a wave and a rush that I escape from but need at the same time. No one knows the sorrow and pain that I go through.
Some would empathize and try to understand it, but none would fully grasp the knowledge of this pure Hell that is me and that I go through. My world is of pain, my vision is of the darkest damned entity one has ever seen. It's something I can't escape from, nor would I want to now. It's as much apart of me as I apart of it. I am not here to have anyone to feel sorry for me, or to even understand me and my actions. They are mine and mine alone. I have always been a free spirit. Even when I was an Angel, I fell for that reason.
Free Will is the biggest illusion and drug that anyone could ever have. People fight for it, die for it, bleed for it. Nations have fought wars for it, that have lasted for near over decades that have never ended and cost thousands of lives. Darkness is powerful, but Free Will is the power that Damns us all. Think about this. If people didn't have Free Will, there would be no Damned souls to Hell. No souls to Heaven, they would just be to be. Control is power, and the power to control is something that's been battled and discussed over for centuries.
There is no real freedom, every part of your life is controlled somehow. I gave into my darkness, and freedom a long time ago. I cast myself into my own shadow of doubt and fear. The things that plague the world today are things I caress and make love to. I kill and I torture, because I love doing it. Apart of me has always enjoyed it, even if I never let myself dare to think about it and it never stopped having me dream about it. It was as though it were my calling, and I answered the call.
Some of the things, the people I've tortured and done things to. I can't even. The way the blade felt along their skin, watching the blood drip down from their bodies while I hung them from the rafters like cold large slabs of beef. The way the sounds made of them choking up their own blood, and their intestines spilling out onto the floor, while I consumed and flayed their flesh. I lived for those moments. Like a fish out of water, flailing and thrashing about. That fight or flight instinct taking in. fearing for their lives, never seeing their families or loved ones again.
The sick, twisted smile on my face knowing I deprived them of life. Often times I made a sport out of it. Chasing them down slowly, watching them slip and fall over themselves in pure amusement. Knowing I had the power over them was a seduction that I gladly welcomed. It masked my own pain, that I caused the pain on them. I remember and feel their flesh breaking apart, having dug my sharp nails into their throats. Squeezing the life out of them while their blood spurted out against my face. Looking down at me in horror, how could someone so vile and twisted do this?
The “why them” thoughts entered their minds more times than once, but there was no reason and logic and again, I've saved the world numerous times. I wouldn't call myself a hero or an anti-hero as people were made to believe. I saved it because it's my world and I live in it. I could live on other planets sure, and survive in space, but this world is far to amusing to let some would be villain come across it, or some extraterrestrial force try and dominate it. No.. these humans are mine to corrupt and torture.
If I see someone robbing the bank. I kill the robbers and take the money for myself. Not that I need it, I sit on centuries of mounds of Gold, Silver, and Jewels of the rarest tone and quality.
I've fought in all the wars, major and minor. Sometimes on both sides, and sometimes on the opposite loosing sides or the winning sides. It really didn't matter. Whatever they paid me to be apart of I did. I betrayed and murdered both sides without thought or remorse, simply because I was paid more at the time and I enjoyed the violence of it. More amusing really when a Tank unloaded on me and through the ash and dust of the fallout I remained standing in perfect health.
The look of fear on the soldier's faces said it all and I relished it. I don't see Love as a weakness, rather a strength and sometimes a hindrance. Love changes people, changes your way of thinking and desires.. the goals you want out of life change due to love and I've dared to let myself love again. I've let people in in which I never thought I would and they've become apart of my world. Yet, I still keep my distance. I am an entity that needs to be around the world. The world needs a monster like me. A beast. I'm the beast created out of necessity.
If the world wasn't as f***ed up as it is now, there would be no reason for me to be here. I am Mother Nature's protector. She and I have an understanding with one another. I'm not here to destroy the Earth, I'm just here to torture the people within it. I've battled Gods, Creatures, Demons, Angels, and Humans all my life. Stories and legends were made out of my exploits and existence. If they only knew the truth and reasons for my actions, these stories wouldn't be as mythical as they were now. I am both the myth, the legend and the man.
Out of all the plagues among the Earth, I am the plague that should be feared. Now, I am not giving myself so much credit that people think I am a narcissist. I probably am and a Sociopath among other things. No. I am not the source for all Evil within the world. As flattering as that sounds, I am just a student of the game. An agent of Darkness and a Master of Death. I am the entity Death respects and while we have had our run-ins in the past, Death understands the need to have me around. I am an immortal being. Death has tried numerous times to capture my soul and spirit and yet I live on.
No matter how many times I die, I always come back. Stronger than ever, and with a newer sense of purpose than before. Each time, it's like a blanket has been pulled off me and I can breathe again. I'm not stuffed or confined into the world I once was apart of and I am free to once again consume the essence of everything around me. Eat the world and consume it for my own. I am The Destroyer, the Cain of the world. The Angel of the Reaping Souls of the Damned. My blade strikes down the pure, corrupts the innocent and destroys the wicked and evil.
I am the very power needed, because I guard against greater evils that people don't even know about. Evils so vile and dangerous that the world would be lost within itself. It walks the world and plains of the Earth since its creation. Since the Earth burst out of the Darkness, the Darkness has been trying to cast its shadow and shatter the Light that protects it. I fight against this Evil, because it's my job and duty, but because I live for the combat of it. Each time I come near Death, my blood makes myself stronger and I transform into a newer being of power than before.
There are things I'm capable of and the potential of doing that I couldn't before and through training and endless fighting/battles I've learned to develop my power and anger into a chaotic form of control. I am no longer the student, as I am the Master. I train people, control people. Torment and torture them. But, all in the need for my own gain and not for the gain of others. I am not a kind person, even though at times I show kindness and patience. It's all a mask, a show. I am kind to lure you into my web and once I have you, I corrupt your very essence into becoming who I am and that's a creature, a beast.
Once thought to be pure and good, now twisted and Evil.
You think you know my heart, but it's shrouded in the vile and filth of someone corrupt. I lead people on, and my reputation as a lover has gained me respect and admiration among certain peers of Demons that I rule over. But, that's because I am made to be that way. My lust for power, greed, desire.. drives my ambitions. Being evil and not kind, doesn't mean you're an ass or a douche. People mistake the two and think one can't have the other.
I am charming, charismatic.. outgoing, and patient because I know how to hunt prey. I am a man that knows the art of seduction. Pleasing others. If you're hunting the Rabbit, you don't barrel into its territory guns blazing hoping to get lucky. No.. you take your time, scope out the area, leaving alluring scents, and traps.. waiting for that perfect moment to strike, and when the Rabbit is within your sights.. you nail it. I am the hunter, but I am also the hunted. I betrayed a powerful enemy and I am hunted for not only my power but the black soul of mine as well.
I'm made to suffer and answer to the sins of my past. But, it doesn't mean I come quietly. Or willingly either. I yet, to stand trial of my judgment for my sins and past. Knowing that one day I will have to answer to everything that has come up within my life. My Hell is my own doing and making and I reside in my Kingdom, watching over the Souls of the Damned because that is my purpose and lot in life. I don't regret it, and sometimes I think about my past decisions and wonder what the outcome of it would be. Wondering and just thinking about things.
It would be different, if the path I chose didn't bare any fruit or reward to what I've done. But, once again, sometimes the path to darkness reaps its own awards. It needs me as much as I need it, we're in a symbiotic relationship now. One cannot last without the other and I am the vessel for all its actions and doings. For all purposes I am a Demon now.. but, I am really a creature. Not a man, even though I have the looks of a handsome one. Not an Angel, my wings are burned and singed off my body. I still have the scars to remember that. Not a Demon, while I drink the blood of Demons to remain powerful and have control over them.
I am simply here. An essence, the lover of Darkness. She my Mistress and I her lover. The need of desire between the two is something that'll go on for centuries. Burn deeper and caress in an even more tender and passionate way, now that I've let it in my life. I've let it corrupt and f*** me on numerous occasions that I can't even recall or count any longer. It's an endless sea of passion, and brutal desire. She f***s me like no other, and she keeps me coming back. Through her voice and yearning to be with me as I yearn to be with her. The fire of our passion, intensely burns for all the wrong reasons.
I've let the darkness corrupt me in more ways and deeper tones than any entity ever should. It would be hard to tell the difference of where the darkness ends and where I begin. Each rules over the other, and each respects one another. I can't control the Darkness, any more than the Darkness can control me.. yet, there is a bond that can't be described in words alone. It's a mystery to me why we are the way we are, but for some reason it works and I can't find myself living without it.
There are times, I would try and resist it. Just to see how far it would go to tempt me back over to its side. It's a fun and twisted game we play. It knows I am never going to stray, but I always enjoy the torture it brings me. I am a creature of unusual kinks and desires and the Darkness gets them all. It understands me in better ways than I even understand myself. I think that's what lead my attraction to it. The understanding. There was no judgment an in a sense, it was a warmer welcome than I thought it'd be. Knowing what I was to become and understand.
I understood it, better than I thought as well. I understand it more now than I did before and people think Darkness is the same as Evil. You can use your Darkness to fight for the Light, I've seen it and done it on more than 1 occasion. Evil and Darkness aren't the same, you can pretend to be good and be Evil. I've seen some weird ways and things in how that happens in life, but once again.. I am not in this to be “good”. I am not “pure” anymore, and I never will be. I am an entity of Darkness.
This is more about knowing who you are. I am a ruler of a world that no one wants to visit. Each step and time I am among this world or the other.. is a plague and twist on my very soul that wasn't there before. It never ends and sometimes in life, I am glad it doesn't. It gives me a world and a place where I can reside in and be myself my true self. I've long since left the past alone and gone on to moving towards the future, in that future the Demon name and self comes out.
My royal blood-line becomes complete, and my heritage of darkness consumes what life and light I've had before. I am more than that, now.. I am the creature that's needed, the beast that's desired. My power and energy consumes the very world itself. The essence of my being, the pride of my spirit. Laying within the arms of the entity that I once fought against, and have now fallen for. Lost lover's once again united into one goal and objection. As I said before, I am an Agent of Darkness... Heaven doesn't want me anymore... and Hell's not finished...