Jade

Last Login:
October 3rd, 2019




Gender: Female

Age: 23
Country: United States

Signup Date:
March 16, 2019


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09/16/2019 10:30 PM 

AC 140




I discovered something when I was in the cellar thats been getting me through. It’s the only thing that kept me going and the only thing that’s keeping me together now. I’d like to tell someone about it but for reasons you’ll understand quite soon I can’t. You see, if anyone learns of this secret I’m afraid that I really will be admitted into a psychiatric unit and then the things people have been saying will be true.


It was on the third night that I discovered it and a small, small part of me wishes I hadn’t. That part of myself I’ve learned to hate. You see, Jameson was pouring narcotics down my throat as one of his many, many cruel acts bestowed upon yours truly. On this specific night he made a slip up and I think he gave me more than he meant to because it made me incoherent, put me to sleep if you will. 


It was then that it happened for the first time. I saw him. Thomas. My Thomas. I guess some would call it a dream whilst others a hallucination. It’s all about perspective. Me? I just call it heaven. He was there with me that night in the cellar. Though..when I saw him we were laying in our bed on the eve of our wedding and talking excitedly about marriage, babies and our love for one another. 


The next day, when I woke, I was desperate for more of him. Typical if you knew anything about our relationship. Jameson didn’t have it in his plans to drug me so I tried to act out in hopes that would get me what I craved. I was wrong. I didn’t get more until the next night and he didn’t give me nearly enough. I took matters into my own hands and knocked myself off by slamming my head into the wall. I know how that sounds but the drugs really eased the pain and seeing Thomas again was the only thing keeping me going. It’s not like any of my friends were coming to save me. That night when I saw him—I was walking down the isle towards him. He looked so handsome and I was ready to be Mrs. Jade Houghton. 


I didn’t see him again for awhile because Talia saved me and then her psycho brother took us on some kind of f***ed up bus tour from hell. It wasn’t until the second to last day when I finally was able to score. Someone, whose name isn’t important for the purposes of this story, was gracious enough to cut me into a deal and got me the drugs I’d secretly been trying to locate. I’m not usually into drugs but I was very surprised that it was so hard for me to find them along all of these people. 


That night when I was sure Averie was a sleep I snuck into the motel bathroom and I privately took my first dose. I sat on the floor and waited. It felt like forever. Eventually I got impatient and took more. I don’t know when the high consumed me or how long it took for me to pass out. All I remember is I saw him again. I was laying on the couch with Swan and Cosmo at my feet and Thomas was knelt beside me, his hand was rubbing my belly and he was trying to say something. I musta been happy because that was the warmest I’ve ever felt.I couldn’t make out his words though because there was..something else. I remember wanting whatever it was to stop. 


Suddenly I was covered in water and Averie was standing over me. She was crying. I made her promise not to tell the others. I’m not sure she knew exactly what was happening. We’ve been back in Sloane a few weeks and I live at Elsie’s now. It’s temporary and I know eventually she’ll ask me to leave. I won’t be mad. I’m just grateful I’m safe here. I always thought she hated Thomas but I found a picture of him in her home and I’m sure she’s noticed but I borrowed it and brought it to my room. I wrote him a goodbye letter to which he never responded. I can’t say I blame him, I just miss him and some part of me wishes he’d have written me back. 


My first couple of nights here I didn’t do it. I didn’t feel right doing it under Elsie’s roof whilst her kids slept so close by. Eventually my sadness swallowed me whole and I just needed to see him one last time. I locked myself in one of the many bathrooms and did it ‘one last time.’ We were in a bath together. One of our favorite past times. He was telling me about his day and I was drinking his beer. He always hated that. “Why don’t you just get your own?” He’d say to which I’d always, always, always say that his tasted better. 


It was nice, to feel less hollow inside, even if it was only just a figment of my imagination. His hands were placed upon my belly and again he was muttering something in my ear. I never could make out the words but I remember that same warm feeling. I woke up soon after. I’ve done it every other night since then. 


My real life is hellish. It’s me day walking through my most realized nightmare. I just go through the routine and count down the hours, minutes, seconds until I get to see him next. I know how it sounds and I know what you’re thinking. I just don’t care. If drugging myself is the only way I’m able to fall so blissfully down into my very own Wonderland where my Mad Hatter is Thomas..that’s what I’ll do. Sometimes fantasy is better than reality and when you live where we leave.. that’s most times. 


08/22/2019 09:19 PM 

AC 136

For as long as Jade could remember it had been just her and her father, she’d never really known her mother much, and for her that was just how it was. She never really cared much that she didn’t have a mother, not really, her father never really allowed her to feel sorry for herself. Life had been simple for their little family but it had always been full of love, there was never a time when the young girl had ever considered what life would look like without her father.

 

It was bleak. Lackluster. Life was missing something. For weeks, the young blonde just went through the motions of her life as if he was still there. Every morning she woke up, made their breakfast as if he was still there, and placed his paper beside his place setting. The neighbors must have thought she was going insane because she’d always catch them staring at her when she’d be having conversations with him.

 

One morning, however, Jade woke up to a knock at the door and when she answered it, a strange man was there asking for her father. It was then, when she told him he had passed, that it really hit her. Something about that odd encounter with that strange man pulled her out of the state of denial she’d been in and every emotion she’d been forcing out came crashing down upon her. She crumpled like a piece of paper.

 

In a matter of days she was living on the street, unable to bare another second in those four walls. Some people handle change, such as loss, well, then there are the people like her. They don’t handle it, they flee. They run as far away from the change as possible and hope it never catches up with them. The streets were scary. She’d ran into more incidents with men than she had her entire life, she saw and used drugs for the first time and got into more fights than she could ever dream of. The loss of her father changed Jade fundamentally, she’d never be the same girl.

07/25/2019 09:09 PM 

The bug

The discovery that all of their homes had been bugged seemed to have really bothered the community, nearly everyone at the party had had really big reactions, Jade hadn’t felt bothered in the slightest about the bug. Perhaps it was because she’d spent so long looking over her shoulder, always feeling like she was being watched, that she’d just grown used to the idea. Granted, she’d never expected to have two separate people invading her privacy, watching her from afar. She’d watched in silence as everyone around her began to react, some were screaming, others were literally destroying televisions—Jade was just trying to sort what this could possible mean and what Talia could have learned that she’d not meant for her, or anyone really, to learn. That’s when it hit her.

 

She’d sped to her shared home with Tom so fast she hadn’t even been certain she was going to make it there alive. The second she’d pulled up to their place, she’d thrown the car into park and ran to the door—unlocking it in a hurry. Once she’d made it inside, she tossed all her things to the floor in a careless manner, dark hues already scanning the place for possible places the bug could have been stashed. She’d needed to get it, to stomp the life out of it, as if this would somehow stop the information Talia had likely gotten from releasing it. Pillows were tossed to the grown, curtains pulled from their rods, every book tossed from her beloved bookshelf—the floor now littered with their belongings. She’d ransacked their entire home from top to bottom and hadn’t found it.

 

“I don’t know if you can hear me,” She began, throwing her body onto the couch in pure defeat, “-but I’ll do anything, Talia. Don’t tell him, okay?” The words in which she spoke came out in a plead and that’s what she was doing. Pleading for her secret to be kept, pleading that Talia didn’t take a bomb to her relationship because truthfully she didn’t know if they could take another one of those. “I’ll do anything, you name it and it’s done.”

07/11/2019 07:41 PM 

AC 130

01.   Jade has to sleep with her bedroom door closed, if the door remains open, she will remain alert and awake.

02.   Any time she feels hurt, saddened, or angry, she shoves those emotions down—faking her happiness and choosing to swallow any feelings that don’t suit her.

03.   With everything that has happened since she has come to Sloane, Jade’s mental health has slowly started to dwindle, recently she’s picked up a taste for Codeine to numb everything out.

04.   She keeps her nails long, refusing to cut them short, in case Tom has another PTSD episode and she needs something to quickly pull him out of it.

05.   Jade throws herself into work at the bookstore when she’s feeling particularly overwhelmed, stressed, or scared.

06.   Jade still sleeps with a stuffed giraffe that her father bought her when she was only a young girl—if ever she can’t find him, she starts panicking and becomes unreasonably upset.

07.   Thomas holding her until she falls asleep provides her with a sense of safety and security that she often needs now as she lives in a constant state of fear that someone is watching or following her.

08.   Frequently Jade uses Thomas as her sounding board, running all of her anxiety thoughts by them for reassurance that they are only thoughts, not her reality.

09.   Jade must shower with the door locked and a weapon of some sort close by. She believes showers are the time she is most vulnerable and because of this wants to be ready for anything.

10.   The female is always eating something. At events and parties she always packs food in her purse just incase something happens and they all get trapped or taken hostage.

11.   She often wakes up in the middle of the night petrified or has random anxiety attacks through out her day. When this happens she starts verbally listing off things that are real, for example: “My name is Jade. I like the color yellow. Thomas is my boyfriend. I only eat red skittles.:

12.   She is uncomfortable in big, crowded areas, when in these situations she tends to drink heavily to feel less uncomfortable and socially awkward.

13.   Exercise is a huge part of the female maintaining her mental health, she frequently goes to the gym, and is always taking exercise classes.

14.   Jade has go to snack foods that she enjoys eating when she is feeling particularly sad or stressed. Strawberry icecream with Hershey’s chocolate syrup and any kind of cereal being the main ones.

15.   She intentionally tries to push people away when she starts to care about them—only to eventually discover that she can’t do it.

16.   She overthinks everything and because of this she overloves—something that often gives her anxiety and causes her to constantly second quess how much people mean to her. To ease these thoughts she remembers happy memories with the people in question.

17.   Jade hates the feeling of being thirsty or dehydrated, especially since the cabin. She always makes sure to have bottles of water in her car, office, and nearby, and is constantly guzzling down fluids just in case.

18.   Ever since Polynesia and the games they were forced to play, Jade has learned to always be prepared for anything. Because of this she keeps a knife and pepper spray on her persons at all times.

19.    She has a blog with many follows and posts on their daily. This gives her a place to express herself and get anything off her chest that is bothering her.

20.   Jade drinks a bottle of wine atleast four of five nights a week to help relax her.

21.   When she feels lonely she cuddles with Swan on the couch and watches sad movies.

22.   When something is bothering her, instead of just discussing it, she turns everything into a joke.

23.   She writes letters to her father when the guilt of his death feels like too much to bear.

24.   If she has to sleep alone, she has her dog Swan sleep in bed with her, and also sleeps with a bat next to the bed and a knife under her pillow.

25.   Jade constantly licks and sucks on her lips when she is stressed, bothered, irritated or overwhelmed—because of this her lips are perpetually chapped.

26.   Before she gets into any vehicle she has to check the back seat to make sure no one is back there.

27.   When she first wakes up in the morning she sends a heart to her boyfriend and closest friends so they know she is okay but also so they can reply and she can know that they are also okay.

28.   Jade frequently has panic attacks and when one comes on she hunches over, putting her head between her legs, and does a series of breathing exercises.

29.   She listens to a lot of music from the 80s when she feels sad or misses her father.

30.   Jade jiggles her right knee when she’s feeling anxious or uncomfortable in social settings.

[ This blog post is viewable to friends only ]

05/08/2019 09:08 PM 

AC 121

A Likely Story started out as a pipe dream, one that Jade never imagined would come true. After moving to Sloane it took her several weeks to get it just right, she had a clear visual in her head for how she pictured it and she wanted the aesthetic to fit it exactly, entirely unwilling to settle for anything less. From the outside, A Likely Story just looks like any other hole in the wall bookstore in a run-down building, it’s once you enter that your opinion of the bookstore changes entirely. As soon as you enter, you are swept away into Wonderland. To your immediate left you will find the Queen of Hearts section, where there are fake white rose bushes and a red paint station if ever you wish to paint a rose. To the immediate right is the infamous tree where Alice fell down the hole, complete with the rabbit hole itself. If you were to crawl into the hole you would find yourself in a secret reading area decorated with an array of imagery and scenes from the 1950’s Alice in Wonderland Classic. Directly before you, you will see a sign pointing in all which directions, the Chestire Cat sitting atop it. Each direction points the reader towards a different genre of books for easier shopping. Jade’s favorite part, however, is the store length tea party table the stretches down the center and is decorated with clocks and tea cups alike. The most unique thing about the bookstore is the morals painted so beautifully on the walls, all of which feature specific scenes from the infamous film. Look closely, however, you would notice that the characters along the walls, though they are character from the book, are actually familiar faces from Sloane depicting those characters.

[ This blog post is viewable to friends only ]

04/10/2019 07:35 PM 

ACAC-117


To: Talia Seftor

From: Jade Michaelson

Subject: Revolution??

 

Talia,

All of us, even the softest, have become callused. The harmless have become ruthless, the warm have become cold. The sensitive and fragile grew thicker skin with every degrading word thrown at them, every touch that was unwanted, and every waking moment their voice was silenced. The sweet little girl in all of us remains, but she’s hiding and for good reason; We pray they don’t see any trace of innocence and mistake it for obedience. After all, the best defense is a good offense; and no one but ourselves are here to protect us. I wonder if this is bad, all the things we have become, or if it’s the start of a revolution.

You’re not all bad, Talia, and somewhere deep down that little girl still lives inside you. You’re not an innocent and you’ve certainly done plenty of things that I cannot justify but you’re not entirely evil.  I can not say the same about Annarosa. I don’t trust you and I don’t distrust you and I do fully distrust and dislike Annarosa. This doesn’t mean I agree with everything you done, it does not mean we are friends or that I support your…choices. I just happen to side with you, I happen to think there’s still a few shreds of redeeming qualities left within you. I am not much for anything that comes with war or choosing sides—nor do I hope any of this truly comes to that, just know that if it does, I will side with you.

 To you I give my blood oath-- I will side with you from this day forward and follow you into what’s to come. To your name I will be loyal at whatever the cost.

Regards,

 

Jade Michaelson


03/23/2019 01:40 PM 

Updated Owes 4/11

I owe:

Lars 4/9
Elsie
Irelia
Shae
Owes me:
Vida 3/21
Nate 4/2
Stella 4/6
Mason 4/6
Alina 4/15
Cam 4/15


Discussions:


Writing on LINE:
Tom as of 4/2
Lars 4/1

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