мιℓℓιє ρнιℓιρѕ

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March 23rd, 2019




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Age: 113
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03/17/2019 08:43 PM 

Her mind set -Millie


"When I am with you, it' like no one else is in this world. I look into your eyes and I see my whole life in front of me. You make life amazing, you make my life have meaning. Not sure how I have gotten so lucky, butt sure feel blessed I did. With you I smile each and every moment. You are all I need, you are all I want. Now all I have to do is find away to tell you. 



I could just come out and say it, but what if you do not feel the same? Yes it is true we have three kids together, but we have something good going here. Raising our babies and getting along great, what if me saying how I feel changes it all? Maybe I should keep it to myself just a little longer. Keeping it to myself a little longer won't hurt either of us. The feelings I have are not going anywhere any time soon, no these feelings are never going anywhere. 


Because I know that you are the only one my eyes, my heart, my mind are set on. So no need to rush things just yet." Millie smiled having her thoughts going in her mind. Not saying them out loud, she just kept it all in while watching the love of her life having a good time. Him smiling as she was helping him learn to ice skate. Having  a night to themselves. 


       
       
       

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03/01/2019 03:14 PM 

Millie Philips and Lex Moran



The two would fight, they had this unspoken feeling between them. She knew it was crazy, she felt it the day they met. That first look into his eyes, but couldn't act on it. Neither knew what to do about this. He was who he was and she was who she is, she's a mess and he is complicated. For months they been best friends, putting each other in the friends zone in hopes the feeling would go away. Only think was when they seen each other with someone else it was like their hearts stopped. They had to walk to other way and act like they didn't care or see it. 

The two fought like they was a couple, yelling at one another at times, getting into each others faces. Saying things they didn't mean just to hurt the other one, but at the end of the night they would end up sitting with one another looking at the stars with no words needing to be said. They knew the other one was sorry. They'd just sit there together watching for shooting stars. They knew one another had a temper, and knew they didn't mean what was said.

They had ignored all these feelings for so long, they let everything they felt be pushed aside for so long it was starting to get harder to do just that. She sometimes couldn't look into his eyes because all she wanted to do was ask, ask him if he would say, what would happen if she just asked him to say. Would he stay or walk away? It scared her, he scared her because these feelings are something she never felt before, and they was just getting stronger. Was she ready to move on from her past to let these feelings be more real?

Before Lex left for his travels- The two knew one another from his brother dating Millie's cousin Syn. Right when they met they joked with one another, being best of friends. The two would always make fun of the people they dated. The two had hidden feelings about one another but never did they openly say it to anyone. They had a one night stand the night before Lex was leaving for his travels. It had feelings in it, but the next day they acted like it was nothing, no big deal. 

When he got back- When he got back it was a day the families were having a get together, a small family party. Something that was normal, the different families have become one big mixed up family. The twins two when Lex showed back up.  When he made his rounds saying hello to everyone, he found out Millie had two girls. Thinking she had them with someone else he didn't even ask or think they was his. Millie didn't bother to even open her mouth to say they was. She was to scared to drop that one him. After a few more family get togethers, Lex started looking at the twins more, seeing himself in them more and more. That is when he finally pulled Millie aside asking who the father was. At first he was pissed off at her, the two fought about it.  Then he calmed down saying he wanted to tell the girls, be in their lives. 

Finding out about baby number three- (Coming soon)





The birth of Roman- After a week of getting to know his girls, the two slept together again. Another one night thing. The two still had not opened up about the feelings for one another. The next day they talked, saying they couldn't do it again. They had to focus on their daughters, the two agreed they didn't want to put their daughters through the is mommy and daddy together or not. Three months later they found out about baby number three. Millie had taken five test before telling Alex she thought she might be pregnant. When she had to tell him, he was in shock, the two didn't know what to do.Of course keep the baby and raise it together just like their daughters.  Lex, and Millie sat down with their girls and told them mommy was having another baby, the two got both homes ready together. Doing everything they needed to, to get ready for baby number three. 

The birth of their baby boy- The hardest thing was not being able to do anything for him, he is so small, so helpless, and all we can do is sit, wait and pray for a miracle. Two days old, and hasn't been held yet, hasn't been kissed and it was heartbreaking. Millie was trying so hard to not fall apart, but all she could do was keep asking herself, what she did wrong. Why was this happening to them? Millie stood by the door of the NICU watching Alex sitting next to the small boy in the incubator, tears falling down her face as she watched for a moment before asking the nurse to wheel her to the chapel in the hospital as she sat back down in the wheelchair. 

She didn't walk in because after giving birth to the small boy, Millie started shutting down. How could she call herself a good mom when she couldn't help her little boy right now? How could she not have known something was wrong? Getting wheeled to the chapel Millie thought about what she was going there for, she's never prayed before, not for something so big. How would she start this. How would she ask for help?

At the doors of the chapel Millie put her hand up saying "Stop here." She was in the doorway just looking in at the cross on the wall in front of her. Taking a deep breath as the tears feel down her face even faster than before. Wheeling herself into the room all the way to the front with her eyes staying on that cross. She never really understood it all, she didn't grow up in a house that talked about praying or went to church. "How do I start this?" She asked softly in middle of her crying. "I need help, more help then I ever needed before." Is what she started with then shook her head closing her eyes for a second. "No it's not me that needs the help, it's my..... my son. He's up in NICU fighting so hard for his life, and his mom can't bring herself to walk fully into the room to be close to him." She looked from her lap back up to the cross while pausing for a moment. "Did I do something for this to be happening? Can't you take me instead? Please?" 

The tear feel down her face even more, sniffling as she tried to keep going but couldn't even get more words out. This was the hardest thing in life Millie ever had to go through. At 18 she should be out partying, getting into trouble, being a teen still, but that isn't how life worked for Millie, she became a mom as a teen. She'd never take that back, being a mother of three was the biggest blessing, but right now all the fear she had before, came back 100 times worse. She wasn't crazy like her mom, but she was letting down her kids right now.  At least that is how she was feeling right now. Wiping her tears away with both her hands to her face, she tried pulling herself together again. For ten minutes she just sat there looking at the cross on the wall. Not saying anything at all, before the nurse came in and whispered. "Millie are you ready to go see your son again?"

       
       
       

02/04/2019 11:38 PM 

Perfect future -Millie


Dreaming for a perfect future after having one hell of a past. 


       
       
       

01/25/2019 02:25 PM 

Dear you, -Millie (pt:1)

𝓓𝓮𝓪𝓻 𝓨𝓸𝓾!


Sitting at a picnic table by the beach, she sat there looking at the water smacking together as the waves come and go. Her demons hunt her each and everyday, all she does is think of how things use to be. How one second she was a teen living with nothing, to a teen with everything at her fingertips, to a teen with kids, to a teen that is now just confused about life. Millie loved that she was back in LA, loved being around her twin brother and his family. She still seen them as his family even though they have taken her in as theirs as well. That little time she lived back in New York really had her a mess in the head. She knew she had so much to get passed to find that Millie that had a smile even when she was full of pain. The girl that was full of so much life, even when things were falling apart.

Pulling out her notebook and pen, she started writing, something she hadn’t done in a long time. Opening the book to a blank page, she put the pen to the line and started with Dear you…..

Dear you,


This letter can go so many ways, I put dear you because I am not sure yet who I am writing to. I have so many people I have so many things to say something to. One being myself, now if his letter ends up being to myself then I want to say, wake up, wake up you damn fool. Get passed the past, push yourself like you use to. Like you did the last year of high school, remember them words of you can do this. You can do anything you put your mind to, you just have to push passed it all. Keep reminding yourself life is something beautiful and you can not let your sadness take over.


Now if this is not a letter to me, then whoever is reading this, you remember that too. Don’t let anything take you down. Breath, keep your head up and push to where you see, no push to where you want your life to be. Don’t let when you lived through make you give up, learn from it. Life gave us all these ups and downs for a reason, it didn’t kill you so it should make you stronger and when you feel alone, remember no matter what I am here for you. I’ll be here even if you only need me for a second, or if you need more for an hour or two. If you need me to remind you how amazing you are or how big of a jackass you are, I can do either of them. I am a phone call away.


Life gave us this path we are on for some crazy reason, maybe we met because at that time in our lives we needed to learn something from one another. I have learned a lot from a lot of people I have walked a path with. Like I can do anything even if I came from nothing. You can come from nothing and make yourself something amazing. That woman are not weak, they are probably stronger than men. I know most of the woman I learned that from are.


Millie stops writing for a moment to look up at the water, looking out at where the water meets the sky. It’s beautiful, you know it goes on, but it looks like itt ends right there. Like if you take a boat out there you can find the universe, and just get lost by all the stars. Sitting there thinking of each moment of her life. This letter has her mind flowing with amazing memories. Memories that just make her smile. She looked back at her paper and started going on.

I think of the people that have been in my life and are now out, and I feel blessed I met them, they all teached me so many things. They helped mold me, it sucks to think these last few months I let people down. I tried to change me from who I was to someone I didn’t know, but I did learn something about me. That as far as I go off my own path, I can always get right back on the right one. If it wasn’t for hem people I might not have had the right path to get back to. I don’t even wanna think of what kind of path I would have had.


Really I am starting to think this letter is just for me, who knows. It could be my way of thanking those people, if that is the case then thank you for being apart of my life, even if it was for seconds, for minutes, for a day, for a week, a month or hell if you are still in my life. Thank you for them moments of time, you did help mold me, help me learn life, you helped me be someone. I might not have fame, not be known to the world, but I am someone to me and that’s all that counts.


(Phone vibrates on the table next to her.) Millie stops wring and picked up her cell seeing who it was smiling.
“Hello?” Millie
“Can you meet up with me?” The person on the phone.
“Sure I’ll be right there.” Millie

She closed the book, tucks it back into her bag and gets up grabbing her things and starting to her truck. The letter would have to be finished at another time.

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01/02/2019 09:58 PM 

Fireflies -By Millie


Fireflies
To: Octavia & Gidget  
-By Millie Philips
They are her heart, her everything and more. 
They make her darkest days seem like the brightest. 
Their laughs are the perfect melody. 
Their little feet hitting the hardwood floors as they run the house, make the house a home. 
The best part is when they say mommy, if it's yelling to tell on one another, or it's to ask for something, her favorite is Mommy I love you, but she will take a mommy in any way. 
They have their off days just like she does, they fight, yell, scream, stomp, but she wouldn't take them days away. Them are the learning days, to teach them how to handle life. 
They say I'm sorry, they say please and thank you, sometimes they need a little reminder, but they are getting it down. 
They might be twins but they are so very different. 
One likes blue and the other likes purple.
One is shy, the other is loud and out spoken.
But even with being different they are loved he same. 

 

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