Last Login:
March 21st, 2018

Gender: Female

Age: 30
Country: United States

Signup Date:
September 25, 2017



03/19/2018 11:22 PM 


Fear is nothing more than an obstacle that stands in the way of progress. In overcoming our fears, we can move forward, stronger and wiser within ourselves. Fears are all around us whether we'd like to admit it or not. Some fears can cripple us. Anyone that says that nothing scares them is telling a big fat lie. 

Owning up to our fears makes us human.  If we reveal these fears it makes us vulnerable. I guess that the grownup thing to do is to say what scares me which is a loaded question in itsself .I could go on and on if there was indeed time for that.  First and foremost I guess you could say that clowns scare the sh*t out of me. Just the mere thought of walking by a sewer grate only to be pulled down by a killer clown doesn't sit well with me.   I am still haunted by the image of that.  If you guessed that IT was the cause of my clown phobia you would be correct. As long as clowns stay back I do okay but if they come close its not a pretty picture.

Secondly the fear of not being enough, good enough, smart enough, pretty enough. The list can just go on and on. I guess this stems from the fact that I lost my mother when I was 13. That relationship was non existent at best. I don't know much about her. My father doesn't say much and maybe its better that way. Feeling that you are unwanted and unloved by the person that brought you into this world isn't a good feeling at all. It does something to youj. It really f***s with you and it can lead you down some dangerous roads...believe me some roads are better left untraveled. 

03/17/2018 10:59 PM 

One Wish

 Most of my life has been an endless myriad of disappointments. My mother bailed on me and my father. I barely remember her name but I do remember the accident that changed my life. After she died when I was 13 I used to wish every day that things would have happened differently, that she loved me enough to stay in my life. But that would be a fairytale and fairytales don't exist. There is no happily ever after, no magic fix. Wishing things were better does not make them so. Maybe I'm jaded or some sh*t but I've seen too much, I know too much. If I had one would be selfish of me to make the wish for myself. The things that have happened to me make me who I am and I wouldn't change it for the world.

I would make the wish for those who need help,those who can't speak for themselves. I know that it may seem silly or crazy but it's what I would want. I don't like to see people suffer because they can't speak up for themselves, because they have lost their voice. Everything happens for a reason and I get that but there are people who are suffering for things that are out of control and need help. Maybe they are too ashamed to say that they need help or too,afraid to admit that they do need it. My wish would be for them to have a second chance, a chance that some of us may never have. As much as I would love to know my mother I know that is never possible and that's okay. 

02/13/2018 12:09 PM 

Extra Credit:Perfect Date

The perfect date? Does the perfect date even truly exist or is it some fairytale bull sh*t that people drill into your head over and over again? Dating has never really been easy for me to do...being the daughter of the hell's angels president tends to scare people off sometimes.  Do you want to know what I want? Okay...I'll tell you but you might want to get a drink, sit down and relax a bit. I'm not a complicated individual...I could be but I'm not really. I'm not a dress up Barbie doll....I don't want to be some arm candy that you will forget about the next day. I want to be the girl that you want to remember. I want to be the girl that you call the next day or hell the girl that you text the moment you get home because you can't wait to see me again. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. I'm a girl with simple tastes. If you can cook, then you are definitely getting good guy points.


Be the guy that wants to get to know me. Ask me questions and listen to me. Tell me about your passions. Don't tell me that you want me to be the mother of your children or your future wife when you first meet me. This shouldn't be like pulling teeth. Of course it may be uncomfortable and we both may be nervous. If you want to bring me flowers that's good too. I love flowers just don't go spend hundreds of dollars on flowers. Be present and be in the moment. Be you. Don't try to be someone that you are not. If you want to stay in make me dinner and watch a movie that is perfectly fine with me.  Just don't play any movies involving clowns unless you want to see me run out of the room. All I want is for you to put some effort into it...don't' be looking on your phone every five minutes. Just put it down and enjoy spending some time with me. 

02/07/2018 09:26 PM 


Best Friends



Love Interest


01/24/2018 12:06 PM 

Drabble #2

She woke in darkness.

The last thing she remembers was being in the office but that was hours ago. She barely remembers coming home. Some days it feels like the days run together and she looses track of time. Hearing the knock on her door seemed to bring her back to the present. She wondered who would be here at this time of day. Usually the building manager called her to let her know someone was coming but then again it was late and she was too tired and maybe a little too drunk to give a sh*t. The knocking becomes more persistent and all she wants to do is sleep.

"F***." She mumbled under her breath. She raised up off the couch shaking her head. She wanted to take another drink. She wanted to fall into oblivion. She needed to escape from chaos of it all. She hated that she lied not only to herself but to everyone around her.  The knocking seemed to get louder and louder. She pushed herself off the couch and headed to the door. She didn't want to know who was on the other side but curiousity did rear its ugly head.

She took a moment to steady herself before opening the door. It took her a minute to realize just who was at the door. She had so many questions that she wanted answers to. She needed answers but why now? Why was this person here especially now? Shaking her head she moved aside and let the male into her apartment. She closed the door behind her and walked over to a side table that had her whiskey on it. She grabbed it and poured it into a glass. If she was going to deal with this ghost from her past she would prefer to be drunk.

"Hello sweetheart."

Alexa smirked. "Don't call me that. You lost all right to call me that when you walked out the door."

"I'm here now. I never meant to hurt you."

Alexa took a drink from her glass and glared at the man in front of her. "You never meant to hurt me or was the thought of having a family too much for you?" She took another drink and then poured more of the amber liquid into her glass. "You had it all. You had a family and you threw it all away and for what? A cheap thrill."

"Don't talk to me like that. I am your father."

A bitter laugh escaped Alexa's lips. "After everything you've done, after everything you put me through you are not my father. You didn't want a daughter. You wanted to go off and explore the world and ignore your responsibilities. You didn't give a damn then and you don't give a damn now." All the pain that she was feeling inside was bubbling at the surface and she hated him. She hated him for breaking up their family, for not being there while her mother was dying of cancer. She felt unwanted and unloved. All she wanted to do was to tell him to leave, to get out, to never come back.

She poured another glass and quickly downed the liquid. She's savored the burn as it went down her throat. She looked at the man before her. " stole my whole life from me. Get out." She watched the man that still stood there. She didn't know what to make of it all. She didn't need a father. But it was worse on Alexa considering that she took more than the prescribed dose of anti depressants. She pick up the empty wine bottle and threw it at the door shattering it. "GET OUT!"

"You don't mean that."  Alexa laughed. "Yes I do. Get out. I don't need you. I don't want a relationship with you. I don't need you anymore. I'm not 16 anymore. Just leave please." Alexa's eyes fill with tears as she watched the man turn  and walk out. Alexa went and locked the door. This was too much. She grabbed her purse and looked for her pills. She closed her eyes and opened the bottle and took two before she crashed on the couch again.

01/17/2018 12:10 PM 

Down the Rabbit Hole

California's weather should have made everything feel better. The warm air, the smell of the ocean, which would usually be refreshing in her opinion, now stung her fragile lungs and made her wince, as more piercing pain rushed through her body. She knew that she was wearing herself out, when she obviously needed to be cautious in her state, but she no longer cared. Even as she felt how her stomach was beginning to unhealthily swell up, AJ didn't allow herself to rest. She was Alexa Morrow, and nobody cared about how Alexa Morrow was doing, not even Alexa herself...

When she had arrived in the downtown district of LA, during the early evening of that day, she had planned to go straight to her apartment  and just lie down and allow her aching body to rest from the long and exhausting day she had put herself through, but as she looked at the streets of LA from the cab she was sitting in, she decided otherwise. She realized that in California, she would finally blend in, with her dark, long clothes and huge sunglasses, which she still wore, even though it was almost night already, so she asked the driver to pull over and began to walk aimlessly in the busy streets of the city.

Even though she could feel her body beginning to hurt more and more and was growing slightly dizzy, she continued to walk in the lit-up streets for several hours and just carelessly stared at the many people that walked past her through her big shades.

California used to excite her, but now, as she slowly walked in its most marvelous streets, she felt absolutely nothing. Even when cold raindrops began dripping from the sky and, slowly but surely, soaked her from head to toe, AJ remained numb. Ever since she realized that she had lost both the boy she loved with every fiber of her being and her best friend, for whose happiness she was truly willing to sacrifice her own, nothing made sense to her anymore, nothing seemed worth struggling through the painful state she was in anymore. It was as though her soul had shut down, and she was simply too weak to fight in order to revive it.

Suddenly growing short of breath, AJ couldn't help but collapse onto a street bench that she walked by. As the rain continued pounding on her frail body, she fought to catch her breath and finally acknowledged how much her body hurt and how badly it was shaking. She blinked several times, trying to rid herself of the dizziness that seemed to be overpowering her and with a true effort, managed to rise back to her wobbly feet. When her knees buckled yet again and her aching body hit the bench once more, she whimpered in pain and finally decided that she should head to her apartment and just lie alone in bed until she would be strong enough to face the world again. She slowly got up to her feet again, holding onto the bench until she was sure that her feet could carry her again, and quickly stopped a cab, directing the driver to her home.

When she finally reached her residence that she shared with Damon, she was completely drenched and had to truly fight in order to keep her body from falling down to the floor. After shakily fumbling for her house-key for an entire minute, Alexa finally dug it out of her purse and managed to enter her apartment.

Upon going into her home, the first thing that AJ wanted was to allow her body to collapse onto the sofa and fall into an endless sleep. As she shivered on her way to the couch and realized how cold and wet she was, a different idea came to her mind. She wobbled over to the liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of vodka, dragging herself over to the living room and finally allowing her body to drop down onto the sofa.

She yelped in pain as her sore body fell onto the soft couch and reminded her of the bruises and injuries she had yet to heal from. She felt tears burning her throat and threatening to spill from her eyes, but instead of allowing them out, she quickly took a swig out of the bottle and winced as its strong taste shot through her body. As the tears were still threatening to fall, she brought the bottle to her mouth and drank some more of the intoxicating liquid, not stopping herself until she emptied the bottle completely, merely minutes later. Her body would always signal to her to stop drinking clear, unmixed vodka after a few short shots, especially when she was drinking on an empty stomach, like she was now, but this time, she blindly ignored the stinging pain in her chest and stomach from the strong drink and was actually comforted by the warm, cozy feeling that would always spread through her body after she would drink.

As she felt herself drifting off, affected by the huge amount of alcohol she let into her system, she felt truly calm and peaceful again, for the first time since her attack. Her pain was finally numbed away and replaced with a hazy tingling feeling and a sense of true tranquility overtook her. When her apartment's entrance door opened up, several minutes later, AJ felt a vague feeling of panic rising in her body, but she was truly too sleepy and out of it to react upon the quiet alarming bells that were distantly ringing in her head. As she indistinctly heard the person who entered her house worriedly calling out her name,Alexa was already under such a strong influence of the alcohol, that she could do nothing but allow her eyes to roll to the back of her head and carelessly let go. 

12/07/2017 09:59 PM 

Debt List



Damon R (1/17)
Brie R (2/25)
Brennan S (3/2)
Eloise R (3/9)
Dominic R (3/9)


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