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10/20/2019 02:59 PM 

Louisville VS Manchester

Louisville VS Manchester
“No fair! You’re cheating. I swear. There’s no way you could possibly beat me 4 times in a row!” Natalie protested as she huffed in Ethan’s direction.

Ethan laughed and flexed his nonexistent muscles. “What can I say? I’m just that good I guess.”

Natalie stuck her tongue out at him. “Yeah yeah.”

A buzzing phone interrupted.

“Ugh. Is it dumbf*** again?” The American girl made another face at him but this time in regards to the person in question.

“Yeah... he won’t leave me alone.” Ethan’s eyes were locked on the phone. His finger traced the reply button  and he fought the urge to hit it.

Almost as if reading his mind Natalie nudged him, breaking his connection with the phone.

“You don’t need him Ethie. He is stupid if he can’t see how amazing you are.”

He grumbled before speaking again. “Yeah but...”

“No buts!” She was grinning at him. He found it... puzzling. The way she was watching.

“I’m just trying to figure all this out, you know?” He took a deep breath. “I don’t even know if I like girls. I don’t think so but who knows at this point? Does that make me gay? I don’t know. How does this work? All I know is I’m not a girl. That’s it. That’s the only answer I...”

His rambling was cut off by a set of lips on his. Her lips. He didn’t fight it. His hands were there in her hair now and he let the kiss grow until her hands started traveling.

“Woah... no...” He protested as he pulled away.

“Ah sorry.... I don’t know what got into me...” She looked at the floor and wiped her face with the back of her shirt sleeve. “I...” She didn’t finish.

“No it’s okay. Just not.. that... the hands... I don’t mind the kiss though...”

It wasn’t a lie. He didn’t hate the kiss. It was just different than he was used to.

He watched her bite her lip. Was he attracted to Nat? She was one of his friends and he cared for her. But did they have anything else there?

Ethan wasn’t sure the answers but he watched her lean in to plant a soft kiss on the tip of his nose.

“You’re a dork.” She was grinning. “We can go slow. Yeah? See if you even like girls.”  

He was glad she seemed to understand.

“How’s it going on those dating sites by the way? Which one did you join? Tinder?”

He was surprised by the abrupt change of subject. One minute she’s talking like she fancied him and the next she’s asking if he’s talking to anyone.

“Uhh I mean I made a tinder profile but haven’t tried talking to anyone. It’s just sitting there.”

Nat’s face shifted into a mischievous grin and she reached for the phone sitting in his lap.

“300187” She smirked as she entered the numbers and the phone unlocked. “Really Ethan? His birthday... Never-mind...”

“What? He’s my best friend.” Ethan protested.

“Mhm. And so is Elaina and me but I don’t see our birthdays as your lock code.”  

He wanted to grab the phone from her in objection but she was nursing it in a way that made it impossible for him to grab.

“Ah here we go. Grindr.” She held up the phone to his face. “Smile!” A click was heard and watched her tap away at the screen.

“Natalie! I’m not going on Grindr! Holy sh*t!” A wave of nerves washed over him but he managed to steel himself enough to reach for the phone and take it back.

He tapped at the screen until he was sure the profile was deleted.

As he was deleting the app he noticed several new messages from Kellen.

‘Just hear me out’ one read.

‘What if you’re wrong? You weren’t a guy when we...’

Nat grabbed the phone before he could read the end of the sentence but he knew what it said.

“Enough of that. How about I take you on another round in Halo and you try not to get yourself killed.”

He rolled his eyes playfully and gave her a smirk. “You’re on Louisville. Watch and learn.” Ethan flexed his fingers.

“As if Manchester.”

She tossed the controller at him again and moved so they were sitting shoulder to shoulder in front of the couch in the living room.

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10/08/2019 10:40 PM 

Crashing Down Around Me

Crashing Down Around Me
“I’ll be back before you have time to miss me…”
“Breaking news tonight outside of Paris as we go live to the scene of a plane crash. No word yet on injuries but authorities suspect the plane belonged to the McCartney family. International billionaires and owners of the world’s largest pharmaceutical company.”

Ethan hadn’t any intentions on watching the news. The fact it was on was pure coincidence. He had been flipping the channels when he spotted the familiar McCartney logo... in flames...

“Oh my god...” it felt like the air had been sucked from his lungs as he fumbled for his phone.

Kellen was on his way back to London after a meeting with his father.

“No. No. No.” he repeated.

‘Are you okay?’ He sent the text but then decided he needed to call as well.

The phone rang but went straight to voicemail. “F***!”

He threw the phone against the wall with such force it split in two.

Panic was setting in. “F***. Kellen. F***...”

Holden was there now. Holding Evie. He didn’t remember them coming in. His mind was clouded.

That was Kellen’s plane. He was sure of it.

“Daddy!” Evie’s eyes were wide and he watched Holden pull her away as if to shield her from Ethan in case he went off.

“Sweetheart...” Ethan’s voice was shaking and his knees felt like jello but he managed to steady himself with the edge of a bookshelf.

“We’ve just got word that Kellen McCartney and Sir Archibald McCartney were both present on the plane. A search is still underway for the pair.”

“Holy sh*t.” Holden spoke this time.

“What’s wrong?” The 5 year old’s face was full of uncertainty as she looked between her dad and uncle.

Holden moved quicker than Ethan and managed to shut the TV off before anything else was said.

They exchanged glances.

“Elaina!” They shouted in unison for their best friend.

While they waited for her to appear Ethan reached for Evie from Holden’s arms and held her close.

“Why did the lady say papa’s name? When will papa be here?”

Questions that Ethan had no answers to. He was learning the news at the same rate as everyone else in the world.

“I don’t know sweetheart. I’m not sure. Let’s find Titi and get you ready for bed. You’ve got school in the morning.” He planted a soft kiss on the child’s forehead and gave her another comforting squeeze.

“Okay...” the tiny voice spoke with reluctance.

It didn’t take long for the news to break that both Kellen and Sir McCartney were both dead. Their bodies found crushed beneath the debris.

The reports said engine failure was the cause — it didn’t make sense to Ethan. The McCartney family were always good about maintaining their planes.

He stared at Holden’s phone in his hands as the headline jumped from the screen and smacked him in the face.

He heard shuffling and saw a half asleep Evie and messy headed Holden come into the bedroom.

“Daddy can I wear my rainbow headband to school today?” She yawned as Holden helped her onto the bed they shared.

“How about we skip school today unicorn?”

Ethan looked at Holden and knew the other could tell the news was bad. Without saying a word he turned the screen where Evie wouldn’t be the picture of her father and grandpa.

“Yeah Evie, how about we have a movie day. We will get you lots of sweeties. How is that?” Holden offered without missing a beat.

The 5 year old was oblivious to anything and at that moment the only thing Ethan wanted was to protect her from the news for as long as possible.

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09/29/2019 05:48 PM 

Mr. Lockhart

Mr. Lockhart
Mr. Lockhart had never raised a hand to a woman or a child. He was not violent in any sense of the word. But he had a way of punching without fists and he was crafty with his words.

“Dammit you wretched wench. What do you mean she won’t do as she’s told? How hard is it to put a child her size in a bloody dress? We should’ve been gone long ago.”

Mrs. Lockhart’s lip quivered as she tried to refrain from tears.

“She’s... she... our daughter, is strong willed it seems. Please, it isn’t my fault. Can you help me?”

No response beyond a glare.

“And what’s this I hear about her misbehaving in classes? We all should be lucky that Lockhart women aren’t expected to follow family tradition or the line would end here. She’s brilliant but dense.”

It was well known that the Lockhart men had been lawyers for decades — near centuries.

They were well respected in the community. You would never have guessed that many of them were alcoholics that abused their families in some way or another. Neglectful.

The Lockhart men rarely lost a case and were dedicated to what they did. This often left to them being away from their families for much of the day, sometimes all day and night.

Something to be noted about Mr. Lockhart was that he had hoped for a son.

When Villanelle was born he was disappointed but loved her nonetheless. They had known she would be a girl. But he was hoping for a miracle.

By the time Ethan was born he had given up his hope of ever having a son to carry on Lockhart traditions.

“What’s this I hear about you on the news? Being a boy and all that? You’re delusional. For Christ sake why are you embarrassing your mother and I like this? Ethan? Really, that’s the best you could do? Such a dreadful name. You‘d of been William had you been a boy.”

Table of Contents



09/27/2019 04:17 PM 

Save the Date




Table of Contents



09/27/2019 03:37 PM 

Truth Bombs

Truth Bombs
It's a thin line between all this love and hate And if you switch sides, you're gon' have to claim your place So baby, this time you're gon' have to seal your fate
“Ethan…” finally he was using Kellen was using his name. Not his deadname.

Ethan’s attention shifted to the person across from him.

3 years, 6 months, and 8 days they were together.

It had been 4 years since Evelyn was born.

4 years since the court decided that Ethan wasn’t fit to be a parent.

All partly in thanks to the person sitting in front of him now at the kitchen table in the penthouse flat that Kellen stayed in when he visited the city.

“Ethan…”

“Hmm?” He snapped his attention to Kellen again as he left the memories sitting there in his mind.

All of the blood was pumping through his veins and he could feel a cold sweat start to form on the nape of his neck. His hands were shaky.

He wasn’t sure why... this was Kellen. They had loved each other at one point.

Had they?

Ethan shook the thoughts again so he wouldn’t get lost on a rabbit trail.

“Yes?” Was all he managed to say out loud. He wanted to say so much more. But he couldn’t force the words across his lips.

His mouth tasted metallic. Like he had sucked on an old coin. Or maybe it was something else…

It was then he noticed the dampness of his lip and the fact he had bitten into it.

“Your lip!” He heard Kellen say but Ethan wasn’t sure if he was still sitting upright at this point. The edges of his vision were blurring.

A sudden weight hit his face. A compressed kitchen towel.

“Here, please.” Ethan let himself look up to where Kellen had moved to sit on the edge of the table. One leg dangling over the edge as the other planted firmly on the ground to steady himself in place.

“I... I have something to tell you. I think you’ll be excited.” Kellen finally said as he moved back to where he was seated before.

“Oh?” Ethan said quietly. “What is it?”

“I’ve spoken with the courts, they’ve agreed to allow me to renegotiate the terms of our custody agreement.”

The words felt like a slash through an old wound.

“You... what? Why? I see her so little as is…” he started to protest but was cut off.

“I know, and I don’t think it’s fair to you. I was in another place back then. And I was mad about losing you. I let my mother corrupt me. Your mother... she helped too you know? She has more rights to Evie than you do at the moment.”

Ethan huffed and let the towel drop to the table.

“What are we talking about here? When would I see her?”

He wanted to be happy but he was very much aware of the fact he shouldn’t trust Kellen entirely. Not when his mother was still alive and in charge of most everything involving her son.

“I have something else to tell you…” he reached his hand across the table towards Ethan’s the same way he used to when they were together.

Ethan stared at it and didn’t reach out to meet Kellen’s offer.

Kellen moved his hand away and sighed quietly.

“I don’t... ok well…” his voice became shaky. Like how Ethan’s was before.

But something in his blue eyes changed... it softened.

“Ethan, I’m just going to be honest with you. You deserve to know,”

Ethan’s eyes squinted at Kellen but he remained quiet except for a simple “Go on.”

“I realise now that I’ve never been only interested in women. Ethan, I’m bisexual. I think I took my anger out on you because I wasn’t comfortable with my own skin. And when you became a man... I couldn’t... I’m sorry.”

Well that was the last thing Ethan had expected to hear from Kellen. I mean seriously? Why even bring it up. At least there was an apology?

‘Hey sorry I ruined your life and stole our daughter. Sorry you missed her first tooth and first steps. Sorry you were publicly humiliated and speaking of, sorry my mother hired private detectives to dig up false accusations that I never defended you for. Yeah Ethan. Sorry for all that. But hey it’s no big deal, I’m into d*ck now too. See. Not so bad.’

He found himself standing only to regret it shortly after. The world went dark and he hit the floor.

What he assumed was a moment later he woke up and noticed he was still in Kellen’s flat with Kellen sitting there with him. Ethan’s head was in his lap and Kellen was giving him those eyes. ‘Goddammit not now Kellen…’ he thought as he wanted to be so angry.

After he steadied himself he finally sat up and turned to face Kellen. Both of them still sitting on the floor. They faced each other crisscrossed.

“Do you think this changes anything Kell? Do you think that this means I’ll be ok with everything you did... that your family did... the taunting and the teasing. You tried to assault me once! Did you forget about that? Hm?” He was furious. But the blood hadn’t quite returned to his brain yet so he knew he needed to try and maintain himself or he might faint again.

“No, of course not. I don’t think that would be fair. I just thought you should know…” his voice trailed off again. “I’m sorry.”

There was a long pause as they just stared at each other. Finally Kellen broke the silence.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me. I just wanted you to know. And I want you to have Evie too... before... before she starts school and all.”

Ethan watched him let out a breath. It looked like he had been holding it a while.

“I still love you... you know?” Kell said it softly. So softly Ethan’s brain stopped working and he found himself staring mindlessly at the person sitting in front of him.

“Yeah, well. That’s bloody lovely isn’t it? You’re several years too late. I’ve moved on. I’m happy Kellen.

We only still talk because we have a child together. If it weren’t for Evie I wouldn’t be here. I would be done with you. Like any sane person would.

But as it stands, I’m forced to work with you.

And we work well together when we want to so I’m not complaining.

Don’t think that this bloody confession and new proposal means that there will ever be anything between us again.”

The words fell out like a dam that had been retaining water for too long.

“I…” Kellen paused and stiffened. “You’ve made your point. Noted. Fine.” There was an eyeroll and Ethan wanted to strangle something but he managed to just huff.

Ethan’s pants pocket started vibrating and he realised that he was getting a text.

He took it out and checked the message.

‘On your way back can you grab some milk? We are out.’ — Holden, what an angel. He had given Ethan an excuse to see himself out.

“What?” Kellen asked as he watched Ethan checking his phone.

“I’ve got to go. Sorry for rushing off. But Holden needs me. We can finish this discussion later. Yeah?” Ethan stood up from the floor as the blood had finally filled his head again.

“Fine. I’ll let you know when and where we are meeting for negotiations.”

“Good that. Well have a great night. Congrats on the announcement by the way. I don’t want you thinking I’m being ingenuine. It took me by surprise is all. But I am really proud of you. I know we have our differences but we loved each other at one point.” He reached out to embrace Kellen in a hug and was surprised when he reciprocated.

“Thanks, I wasn’t trying anything by it. I swear. I just thought you should know.” Ethan let go first and he could almost sense the reluctance from Kellen.

He took a step back and put his phone away.

“I’ll have Evie over after class lets out.”

“Sounds good. Maybe take her for dinner because I’ll be a little late tomorrow. They rescheduled a meeting.”

“Will do. See you soon.”

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09/24/2019 05:25 PM 

What’s in a name?

Trigger Warnings: Deadname used by muse, potential to cause gender dysphoria.
What’s in a name?  
“We aren’t out here calling butterflies caterpillars with wings so there’s no reason to call me that.”
Cara, Cara Jane.

 Ethan hated it.

 The sound of that name was like acid and poison rising to the surface.

 It was the echo of memories and expressions of a time when he was seen as she and he wanted to die.

 But she didn’t die, she evolved.

He was starting to embrace the past. The photos were no longer a trigger and he didn’t jump whenever someone on the Tube shouted it at another passenger.

“I was Cara... now I’m Ethan.”   He spoke the words softly to himself in the quiet of his bedroom.

 She didn’t die, she evolved.  

Table of Contents


Inspiration
 


09/17/2019 04:13 PM 

Seeing Double [co-written]

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of Pregnancy 
Seeing Double  
AN: Okay let me just say, this isn’t MPREG. However, this could be highly triggering to anyone with Tokophobia and it also might set off gender dysphoria as well. ALSO! Shout out to my lovely Elaina for co-writing this with me. Love you ♥
“Well what are your symptoms?” Holden inquired as Ethan ran through the side effects of the vial of testosterone he held in his hand and studied the list of side effects on the side.

It was him and his two best friends all sitting there in Ethan’s sister’s bathroom.

El sat crisscrossed on top of the bathroom sink. While Holden took the spot beside him.

“Erm, I guess queasy?” Ethan responded with a puzzled expression on his face.

Nothing was particularly different that he could pin point. Nausea, excessive thirst, over dramatic mood swings. All normal for him these days. 

He hadn’t thought anything of it until…

’Bloody hell... Tennessee... how the f*** could I have been so stupid…’

“Nashville,” he finally said out loud as he thought about it.

His friends looked at each other and then at him in confusion.

“Basically Kellen visited me while we were on tour and well…”

“Ethan! No... don’t tell me you…?” El was the one to speak up now.

A nervous laugh came from Ethan and he squinted a bit as his voice gave a little “Maybe…”

He knew if Holden weren’t standing between them now she would most likely smack his forehead. But thanks to the buffer he had created with his body, she was only able to pinch his arm and roll her eyes.

“Ugh. Ethan Carter Lockhart. What are we going to do with you?”

Oh sh*t... she used his whole name.

“Now now, let’s not jump to conclusions. It could be anything... maybe bad fish?”

Holden was always the voice of reason amongst them and he kept them focused.

“I haven’t had fish in months…” he mumbled.

“What about... hm... what about, oh I don’t know... what are you allergic to?”

“Nothing…”

Three hours and two shops later the crew had procured six sets of home tests and what seemed like at least a dozen bottles of various drinks and snacks.

“How you doing?” Holden stood beside him staring at the bags laid out on Nell’s bed.

“Ahh, freaking the bloody f*** out, if I’m honest. I mean…”

“We are here for you, no matter what it says.” Elaina smiled and gave his back a reassuring rub.

Nell had arrived back from errands and walked through the bedroom door to find them standing there.

“We having a party in here or…” she stopped when she noticed the contents spread out across her bed.

“Right hell. It looks like someone’s already had a little too much fun.” She chuckled and looked at Elaina questioningly.

El shook her head and just looked at Ethan. Without another word Nell knew exactly what was happening.

“Sh*t. That’s... fun. Had some scares myself. It’ll be fine baby brother.”

Holden was studying one of the bottles of Japanese soda they had gotten and suddenly popped back into the conversation.

“Can I have this? I mean I don’t think you’ll need all of these will you?”

Way to defuse the tension, nerd.

Ethan shrugged. “Sure. As long as I get the other one.”

Holden pushed the marble into the bottle and took a drink.

Ethan chugged two water bottles within a matter of five minutes and grimaced as the cold liquid ran down his throat.

“I guess it’s time to get this show over with, yeah?”

Shuffling his feet against the carpet he finally walked into the en-suite and shut the door behind.

It wasn’t that he wanted anyone in there with him.

But there something eerie about the sudden wave of loneliness didn’t sit right. Or maybe it was nerves. He wasn’t sure. But despite his best friends and older sister standing on the other side of the bathroom door waiting for him, Ethan felt very alone for a short amount of time.

He emerged moments later with his phone in his hand and an exasperated look on his face.

“Three minutes for most of these. Timer’s ready.”

The phone glowed off Holden and El’s faces as he showed them the screen.

They sat there in almost silence.

Holden against the headboard. Nell beside him. Ethan leaned against his best friend’s chest, and Elaina laying her head on Ethan’s legs as she looked up at him.

All of them solemn until the loud buzz of the alarm buzzed throughout the room.

“I don’t want to look... someone else look...”

“I’ll do it.” Nell volunteered.

They watched while she went to the attached bathroom where everything was set up.

He felt a squeeze from his friends as he hid his face in the crook of his neck. “I don’t wanna know... I mean... I do. But...”

Suddenly Nell appeared in the doorframe.

“I’ve got your answer. Tell me when…”

A long pause and finally Ethan took a deep breath of air and nodded. “Now…”

Nell looked at the instructions paper that came with the tests one more time to be sure and back at him.

“Alright... so based on these five different tests... baby brother...”

She hadn’t paused long but to Ethan it felt like an eternity.

“Ethan, they’re all positive. You’re...”

He cut her off by jumping up from the spot on the bed and moving to sit on the edge with his hands on either side of his face, his elbows on his thighs as he waited for her to drop the word.

The one he had suspected all along.

“Pregnant...” he finished for her.

She nodded in response and suddenly he felt Holden and Elaina move across the bed to wrap him in their arms for another group hug.

“F***…” Holden let out.

Everyone turned to look at him.

“Did you just…?” Ethan laughed the question. His urge to cry was gone for a moment and he was smiling like a dumbass.

“What?! I thought it fit here!” His best friend said in the most serious tone ever.

Everyone except Holden laughed and Ethan couldn’t help but squeeze him in a tight hug.

“You’re right Denny, it’s perfect timing. Thank you.”

He glanced at everyone in the room.

“All of you. Thank you.”

He paused a moment and then added.

“Now if you don’t mind me, I’m taking residence in the guest bedroom where I can have a good cry and a cuppa over old episodes of the Golden Girls.”

Before he could stand up, Elaina beat him to it, her hand out to stop him in his tracks.

"Me and Denny got the tea and snacks, Han.” She smiled, leaning over to place a quick yet soft kiss on his forehead.

Grabbing Holden by his sleeve, Ethan watched as they dragged each other towards the kitchen, grumbling about snacks and how to properly make a brew.

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09/15/2019 12:38 PM 

Tennessee

Trigger Warnings: Attempted Assault by Significant Other, Misgendering, Deadnaming
Tennessee  
AN: This was… difficult to write for a few reasons. Originally I didn’t think I would be able to finish a full snippet so I wrote a drabble. But then somehow I managed to finish something so here’s that.

“Where are we at again?” Ethan lay on his back staring at the stars in the middle of nowhere with Kellen lying next to him.

“Uhhh, Nashville I think. Somewhere around there?” He posed it as a question as he waved the Jim Beam bottle in Ethan’s direction.

“More?” He offered.

“Of course.” Ethan responded as he took the bottle and drank a swig of it.

“That is nasty.” He said with a low laugh.

Kellen squirmed closer to Ethan until they were touching shoulders.

“Beautiful out here.” It was a throw away comment. Kellen was not interested in the weather or the night sky.

“Yeah it is.” He responded as they watched the sky in the middle of nowhere somewhere in Tennessee.

They were there because he was touring and Kellen had wanted to surprise him with a visit.

“Cara…” Kellen started and then stopped.

“Ethan,” he corrected. He was still getting used to the new name and pronouns for himself. He hadn’t even started medically transitioning yet but he was insistent on being addressed properly.

“Maybe you could pretend for me.”

“Pretend how?” Ethan responded.

“Why are you changing? I’m not into guys. I can’t be with you if you change.” Ethan knew he was drunk. They both were.

“I’m changing because I can’t keep living if I’m not living as my true self, Kellen... I have to do what’s best for me.”

“But Cara, you’re such a pretty girl.” He felt a hand against his face now and he pushed it away.

“It’s Ethan. Stop calling me that… name… that’s not my name any more. I’m Ethan now. If you want me to respond any longer you’ll use it.” He wasn’t normally a tearful drunk but this was upsetting him.

Kellen moved to pin Ethan down with his own body.

Ethan’s eyes locked on Kellen’s and he could sense a sort of darkness there that he hadn’t see before.

Why was he being like this... this wasn’t like Kellen.

“Please move” Ethan insisted as he tried wiggling free.

Kellen was too strong. Mostly muscle. The only advantage Ethan had was his height. Maybe if he moved just right Kellen would get off of him.

“Stop trying to be a boy. You’re not a boy.” The words hit like icy wind in the middle of winter.

He felt the tears trying to form. His body’s natural defense to being hurt.

“Kell... please…”

Nothing. Kellen didn’t move.

He pushed against the older male’s chest as hard as he could but Kellen had locked his arms on either side of Ethan and he didn’t move a centimeter at the attempt.

Ethan’s mind filled with fear.

Panic set in and he couldn’t remember much about the panic attack other than he thought he wanted to die.

Vomit.

For once in his life he welcomed it.

Finally Kellen moved as fast as possible to avoid being hit, but managed to get some on his shirt.

He stripped the shirt off despite the cold. Ethan stared.

“I’m sorry.” Kellen said finally. “That was a bad idea.”

He wanted to reply with “You think?” But the words wouldn’t come out.

Instead Ethan just washed the vomit down with more alcohol and wiped his mouth on the back of his shirt sleeve.

“It’s ok…” he said quietly.

And somehow like with always Kellen was back in his good graces without much resistance.

Kellen was a weakness. One that Ethan wasn’t sure he could ever bear to lose.

Somehow his hands reached for Kellen and were met with a twinkling smile.

The older male stood and grabbed hold of Ethan’s hand to pull him up. The disgusting shirt tossed over his shoulder.

“Come on, I saw a rock by the lake.”

Ethan followed.

Lips and limbs tangled together drunkenly as the stars glittered the sky and the cold December air left goosebumps on their exposed skin.

Cuddled together beside the lake, Ethan felt a warm kiss on top of his recently shortened hair. “I still love you…” Ethan heard the words but couldn’t think straight.

Silence.

“I’m sorry... I’m sorry I scared you. I just... don’t think I can be with you if...” Kellen’s voice drifted off.

Ethan felt the pain in his chest again. The one he felt every time he was suddenly made aware of just how big of a deal all of this was for everyone else.

It wasn’t that he would stop anything. He couldn’t. The mental anguish he felt was too much and he feared another suicide attempt if he didn’t continue.

But he would be lying if he said he weren’t at least a little concerned about how his family and friends... and Kellen, perceived him. Or how they felt about it.

“You’re an a**hole and I love you. But I’m not stopping. If that means you can’t be with me…” his words felt heavy all of the sudden. “You can go. I won’t stop you.” He sucked in a breath of the cold air and it burned as it entered his lungs.

“Let’s not fight. I hate when we fight.” Kellen pleaded with the expression of a small puppy that were begging for something they wanted badly.

“Fine... but…” He was cut off again as lips met his again and he melted into the kiss as they held onto each other for warmth and comfort.

Table of Contents



09/03/2019 12:14 PM 

McCartney VS Lockhart - BBC NEWS [PS]







Table of Contents

08/26/2019 04:26 PM 

✉️ You did what?


 

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