Never Be Mine.

I'm probably being a stuck record with this one cause this is the nine millionth angsty drabble I've written, but I have a lot of feelings tonight and I wanted to get them out. A massive part of this drabble is inspired by the song "Never Be Mine" by Kate Bush, a song that's a bit of a loneliness anthem for Alex. A funnier, light-hearted drabble is coming soon, but for now, bear with me as I work this one out. This is what I want This is where I want to be This is what I need This is where I want to be This is what I want But I know that this will never be mine...   Alex trudged into the TARDIS on the heels of his father, who didn't really bother to turn to look at him. The time teen dragged his feet begrudgingly, not really wanting to leave the location they were in. Not until you've talked to me, Alex thought as he forced himself through the electric blue doors and into the warm white light of the console room. "We're not seriously leaving, are we?" Alex said, standing in the way of the doors. "I mean, really? We're just going?" The Doctor took one look at him and pulled the door mechanism lever hard. The doors swung shut with a harsh bang behind Alex, almost hitting him in the back, making him stagger across the ramp towards the console. "It wasn't even that big of a deal. I only implied that Jim Morrison wouldn't be around for much longer, I didn't outright say "You're going to die in seven days", did I? That's not exactly breaking every law of time and space." Still no words. Not even a pensive upwards glance at him. "Come on, let's just go back and say we had a bit too much to drink or something," Alex said, approaching the console and resting quivering hands on it, fiddling with a switch but not pressing it. "Then we can... I dunno... go see the concert. I've been looking forward to it all week." Nothing. He was tapping co-ordinates into one of the monitors and double-checking the time rotor, ensuring the ship was ready to leave. "You promised me," Alex said, looking up at the Doctor. "You promised me you'd take me to see them one day, and now that day has come, I accidentally make a mistake and you pull the plug on the whole thing? Come on, Dad, that's a bit over the top now, isn't it?" Nothing. And with that, that familiar wheezing and grinding could be heard echoing from the bowels of the console and Alex could feel the ship dematerializing from the shabby Los Angeles back-alley they had landed in only an hour beforehand. The concert had only been a good two hours or so away. He was going to suggest they get some food - some of those classic Los Angeles hamburgers served by waitresses on rollarskates - but he'd said something a little too loosely and without a word, the Doctor had marched him out of there and back to the TARDIS. This was his "special time" ruined, and he couldn't believe it. "Will you at least answer me?" Alex said, his patience starting to wear thin. "You seem to have an answer for everything, then tell me why you've suddenly decided to promise me something and then snatch it away from me. Does it make you feel big? Does picking on me make you feel like you're doing a good job, because I've got news for you, it doesn't!" Nothing. Except maybe a flash of the angry eyes, but it had come as the Doctor had moved behind the central column on the console and the light was a little too blinding for Alex to make out exactly what he'd seen. A flash of anger. Or was it a smirk? Was he enjoying doing this to him? Was he enjoying making his life a living misery? "I bet Rose would have got to see them," Alex said, a note of bitterness coming into his voice. "I bet you're going to take me all the way back to the university and then it'll be 'Bill! Nardole! To the TARDIS, we've got a concert to go to!' and I'll be left to mark your stupid essays;" Nothing. He was trying to do that parent thing of ignoring your child when they started seeking attention negatively. Ignore it and it'll go away. Well, not this time, he thought angrily. I'll never back down after this. You don't get to do this to me and pretend it's nothing. I'm not some boring ordinary Earth-kid in some self-obsessed book for people who couldn't use common sense. I'm Alex Smith, the Doctor's son and I want to see the Doors and my stupid father is making sure that I never get the chance. "Seriously, what is with you treating your companions like royalty? They all dump or die on you in the end," Alex said, circling the console menacingly. The name Clara flashed through his mind and it almost came spilling from his lips to hang like a noose in the room but he thought better of it. He often forgot that all memory and recollection of Clara had been erased from his mind and under no circumstances could he be reminded of it. Similar as to what happened to Donna, except this time he definitely wanted to cause some damage now. "You know, out of all the years I've been with you, I've never asked for anything," Alex said, getting more and more frustrated. "Not one thing, not even 50p to buy sweets. And the first thing I ask for, you take all the right steps to screw it up, as usual. Yet when some mongrel from Earth shows up, you're swanning around like Thelma and Louise. Seriously, Dad, screw you!" He aimed a kick at the base of the console. The ship gave a nasty hissing sound and finally the Doctor looked at him, but it wasn't the doting, complying father he was trying to bring out. It was the angry, I've had enough of you father that liked to shout. "Take me back!" Alex said. "Take. This. Thing. BACK!" He kicked the console again and this time he felt a pulse of electricity rush up the console. His angry cry echoed around the console room, bouncing off the hundreds of bookshelves lining the balconies. You could probably have heard it all the way from the rainforest towards the centre of the ship. And with that, the tantrum started. With frantic precision, Alex aimed a series of kicks and punches to the console. Sparks and debris sprayed from its panels like fireworks. The ship protested by making a high-pitched buzzing sound and then a pained sort of wail as Alex rained blows and kicks down on her. When he'd had enough, he spotted his father's guitar propped up against one of the metal jumpseats and stomped toward it. Tearing it from its stand, he threw it down the staircase that led underneath the console. He could hear the strings twanging as they caught on every step; he thought he even heard one of them snap. He crossed to the chalkboard and kicked it over, stamping on the wood until it splintered under his foot. Grunting with exertion, tears spilling from his eyes, he kept kicking the chalkboard until a scream erupted from his lips. "I HATE YOU!" he shouted, turning to look with wild eyes back at the Doctor. He was just standing there, arms folded with the "you're the one being an idiot here" he nodded toward the door and Alex noticed the ship had stopped moving. He looked at the doors and though he could hear... music. The intro to "Light My Fire" was playing, and it wasn't what he'd been so used to hearing on the album he'd played to death. Shaking his head, the Doctor once again crossed to the console and pulled the lever again. The ship moved again and Alex's hearts sank as his dream concert faded away with every moment. "Room. Now," the Doctor said bluntly. Feeling deflated and upset, Alex rushed to the Doctor. "Dad, I'm sorry. Please, I didn't mean it, really I didn't. Why didn't you tell me? Please, let's go back and have a nice time, what do you say?" "Room," the Doctor said. "Dad, I'm sorry," Alex said, more tears spilling from his eyes. "I'll fix everything, I promise. "ROOM!" the Doctor shouted, rounding on Alex. "Stay there." Trembling, Alex rushed down the stairs, seeing the thrown guitar lying on the ground. He bent down to examine it. Several of the strings had broken and the neck had cracked in several places. He went to pick it up but he heard a stifled "GO!" from above him and the time teen ran. Down corridor after corridor, feeling the ship lurch and jostle as she made it clear she was not happy with him. Finding the door to his room, he wrenched open the door and slammed it shut. Several long tearful hours later, he came back up to the console room. The Doctor wasn't there, but Nardole was. "Where's Dad?" he heard himself ask. "Out," said Nardole bluntly. "A little bird told me you had a little... outburst earlier. Caused quite a bit of damage." "It was an accident, but never mind that, where has Dad gone?" "Bill needs help moving into her new house so your Dad went along to help. Tea?" he said, holding up a teapot that seemed to come out of nowhere. "No," Alex said, sinking into a chair. "No, thank you." "It's for your own good, you know," Nardole said. "Maybe if that destructive streak of yours was curbed a bit, then maybe your Dad would be a bit less hard on you, hmm?" But looking back over my shoulder You're happy without me...