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12/02/2019 06:14 PM 

There is a Season

There is a Season

duplicitous/1571078
The death of Liz Forbes affected Damon more than he cared to admit. Human attachments was something he’d thought he’d long given up, however since his return to Mystic Falls, everything was different.   He’d used chicanery in order to gain the trust of the sheriff in town, but that soon turned to an actual true friendship.   The bond of the sheriff and the bloodthirsty vampire was actually something quite lovely.   Damon himself was surprised by it.

That was one thing about the human race and being human that Damon didn’t miss.  The flesh was so subject to the weaknesses of disease and other frailties along that line.  In the midst of all that imperfection however, there was a beauty to being human that Damon began to truly appreciate when it came to being human.   Liz represented everything that Damon missed in being human.   He finally had to stop lying to himself.  He did miss being human so much that it actually physically hurt him.

Caroline had been right there with Elena when Damon first rolled back into town.   His manipulation and abuse of the blonde for his own gain ended up being rather repugnant.  It also blew up in his face when he found out that Katherine had been alive and well all  this time not giving a damn about him in the process.  It hardened Damon.  It struck him to the core. Damon didn’t feel shame for they way he’d used Caroline at first, but like a lot of things with the elder Salvatore brother, this changed.   He blamed himself for Caroline getting this close to Katherine’s vicinity and becoming a vampire in the end.   Caroline didn’t deserve this and neither did Liz.

Saying goodbye to his own mother was something he’d never done.  He couldn’t bring himself to eulogize his own mother or even attend her funeral over 150 years ago.  Stefan never really forgave Damon for that.  He didn’t forgive himself for that if truth be told.   Standing there at Liz’s funeral giving that eulogy that he never gave his own mother felt like a hypocrisy of sorts, but it was something he owed to both Liz and Caroline.

He was standing in front of a bottle of unopened bourbon while he stood alone in the Boarding House.  A single digit on his right hand began to trace the side of the bottle.   Damon Salvatore was not a really deep thinker, but he just couldn’t let this go.   Liz saw past the fact he was a vampire and gave him what he needed that never received.  She was like a mother to him.  Deep down inside, the vampire who tried to hide his own emotions, his heart was broken.   Alone with the bottle of bourbon, he would have been able to wash away the pain of the gnawing hole in the bottom of his gut that he’d lost a mother.   He finally allowed his hands to grasp the bottle and pour some of the amber liquid into a glass.   Vampires had the ability to turn off their emotions with just a simple thought.  He’d done that himself.   It would have been so easy to do that now, but he didn’t.

Damon gazed at the glass that sat before him with the alcohol inside.   He waited for a moment. As much as he hurt right now, his pain was no where near as what Caroline would be feeling.   There is always a huge hole in your very soul when you lose a parent.   The world just never seems to be right again when you lose one of the two people who actually brought you into this world.   You are a symbol of that love two people once felt and now that person who wiped your tears when you were sad or laughed with you when you were happy was gone.  That was something that you never get over.  You make it a part of yourself or you let it consume you.  His thoughts wandered back to Caroline. Damon picked up the glass and downed it in one gulp.   It was time for him to think of another person instead of himself for once.  Damon left the room reaching for his coat on the way to see Caroline.  It was time to think of another person for a change.   Before he left the room, he grabbed the bottle of bourbon tucking it into his coat.  Maybe he could get her to open any door for him if he had a bottle of booze to bribe her.   Copious amounts of alcohol might just due Caroline wonders.  Damon knew it would him.  With keys in hand, he walked out the door and into the garage.

===

Worry started to manifest.   Damon was not used to this when it came to someone other than Stefan.   It felt weird.  He picked up his phone.  He was trying to find Caroline.  Caroline herself wasn’t answering his texts.   His phone finally buzzed.  Stefan had texted him.   Caroline had secluded herself for now and was contemplating turning off her humanity.   He couldn’t let that happen.   Damon pocketed his phone and took off in his car.    He knew a few places to look when it came to a certain blonde vampire and what she may or may not have been doing.   

He parked his car.   The engine came roaring to a stop when he moved the automobile into park.  Turning off her humanity was the worst possible thing she could do right now.  Arriving at the door to her particular dorm room, Damon knocked on the door.   “Care?  Lemme in please?”   He wanted to talk to her.   He needed to be sure she was okay.   He felt as guilty as hell for everything.   Even killing Colin when Caroline was trying to find out if vampire blood would save Liz, actually gnawed at him.   Liz would never have wanted to live as a vampire.  He felt confident enough to say that.   He just wanted to see Caroline.  He wanted to make sure she was okay.

“When people see good, they expect good.”
credit: james kriet

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