The bright lights clouded her vision as she laid on the hospital bed. Placing her arm over her eyes as she began to feel the pressure from the exam. Hospitals were never her specialty and well everytime she had been in one her life was in turmoil. The feeling of the speculum pushing against her walls made her uncomfortable and wish she didn't need to be here but it was needed. Tilting her leg inward some towards the doctor as it was finally set in place
"Take a deep breath Mrs.Rivera"
The voice was soft yet stern and following it she took a long deep breath. Trying to keep herself relaxed during the exam. She could feel all the swabs and scraping from the spatula against her insides. As she laid there quietly her mind started to think back to what lead her here. Besides the fact that a pap was a necessity as a woman but also since the loss she faced she never conceived again. Now being married she knew that her husband would want to start a family. They tried prior to being married but it never happened. She would always just blame it on her period or pills. She never had gathered the nerve to tell him about the loss that brought her to LA.
He knew of the man that broke her down and abused her but nothing more. How could she tell him that she once was with child and she let a monster take that from her. It took her years to even come to terms with it on her own. The only other person that soothed her through it was her bestfriend. Without her bestfriend she battled the pain from inside on her own and it was definitely a struggle both mentally and physically
"Okay Mrs.Rivera, you can get dressed and meet me down the hall in my office"
The doctors voice brought her back to the moment and she quickly sat up. Her legs acking from being posted up on the sterns for so long. Once the door closed and the doctor was gone she stood up and got dressed. Angel was on a short tour but he was gone long enough where she could see the doctor and get the results without his worrying eyes around. If nothing was wrong them there was nothing to tell but she needed to know with time for herself to determine how she would tell him. For now she just had to wait.
Grabbing her black bag she headed out of the exam room and down the hall to the doctors office. Once inside she sat down and place her fingers in her blonde curls. Fluffing them out as she waited patently for what the doctor had to say. After what felt like hours the door opened and the doctor finally made her way inside. Walking around to the desk she took a seat
"Please, just Snow"
Hearing Rivera reminded her of Angel and how she would have to sit with him and tell him everything and that was just a thought she could not bare at the moment
"Okay then Snow, have you ever had trauma to your lower abdomen?"
Looking down at her knees she nodded softly and took a deep breath s tears quickly began to well up in her eyes
"I'm sorry, was that yes?"
The doctor asked to confirm her answer
"Yes, I'm sorry. Umm yes that was a yes.."
Her heart was racing and her head was now spinning more than it had before
"Well from the ultrasound we took earlier I can see that you have some scarring in the area. I can see it's very old but also scaring there could lead to some fertility issues. I will have to wait for the rest of the results to come in but it was definitely something I felt you needed to know. Now Snow, have you ever convinced before?"
"Umm, yes I have. Unfortunately my body was in no condition to upkeep the pregnancy and i lost my baby before i could even get a chance"
Wiping a few tears away from her checks that managed to escape she looked down at her hands as she twirled her thumbs together
"I'm very sorry Snow but I will pull the papers on that situation and put everything together for a full diagnosis in a week. For now take it easy and eat, drink lots of water and try some yoga"
Snow nodded and quickly stood up. Walking out she put on her jacket and made her way to her car. Once inside she fully broke down. It seemed right now that her body just wasnt good enough to do the most beautiful basic thing it is meant to do. How would she explain that to him? How could she tell him that now after tiying the knot to be together forever. Grabbing her phone she quickly pulled up her call log and hit call
"Hey, are you back in LA? I'm coming by I need to see you"
She said and hung up. With no hesitation she started the car and headed to her bestfriend.