Gender: Male
Age: 34
Sign:
Aquarius
Country: United States
Signup Date:
October 14, 2019 |
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10/14/2019 08:52 PM
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LETS TALK.
i didn't want to post this,
but it will never end until i do.
i want to start this with, this is not meant to be petty. this is not meant to be a call out post. this is not meant to cause greater problems, this is meant to silence those that have drowned out my voice since January. i despise seeing posts like this in the stream and roll my eyes — but this is serious. this is me finally speaking against the psychological abuse and manipulation i have endured and i DESERVE this moment.
if you are one of those people who aided in my demise and you are lurking now for something to report to your group chat with(yes, your group chat that you use to bash on writers all around the community and “ expose “ them) — then i hope you read this all of the way through.
i’m embarrassed. i am embarrassed to have deleted my last account, to give up a muse that i have been building for two years. i am ashamed to have ran from problems that should have been silenced four months ago. i’m embarrassed that i did not stick up for myself sooner. when a friend has contemplated deleting an account over a failed writing partner, i have always been the one to coax them out from it. i tell them it isn’t worth it. that you shouldn’t let another person nor group of people define your experience on a fictional writing website.
for the last ten months, i have been approached with brutal and entirely untrue rumors about me. this week i learned they were worse than i could have imagined. despite what those spreading them might have to say, i hate drama. i hate getting involved. i hate everything about starting an issue with someone you don’t know on a website where you don’t even know who someone is on the other end of the screen. so i stayed quiet. figured they were petty and trivial rumors that would fade away, as most do. i asked those telling me what they’ve heard to please pass back to their source they were misinformed, and let it die. only one of them held any remote hint of truth, and it was a miscommunication and something taken out from context.
me and the person who spread that are fine now and arguably, are on very good terms and write together. WHY YOU'RE READING THIS: however, my last love interest came in January. New Year’s Day, to be exact. we hit it off instantly in AND out of character which was something i have never experienced so fluidly. she was my best friend. she quickly became someone i could open up to, which i don’t often do. we wrote together every day, our server still has nearly 30 threads FILLED with content. i had been multi ship for a while, and we decided together that we weren’t writing with many other people anyways, so we may as well single ship. that was a mutual decision.
in May, i found out she had been a catalyst in rumors that had been spread about me. i will not say what they were because frankly, it was trivial and all a blur at this point and the main point here is that — i asked her, begged her, to please right her wrongs and to tell her friends that she had lied about me and to me. she told me she would, and begged me to stay with her as we had begun to develop a relationship out of character(which i will touch later, as she claims it never happened). i stayed and forgave her.
my friends all hated her, they begged me to let them call out her actions. i protected her and told them i had it under control. i didn’t.
i could ramble on and on about our on / off relationship ic and ooc, and tell you how that’s something i never dabble in and how confusing this whole situation was. how i begged her for months to tell her friends the truth as they all held very powerful voices on roleplay, and she told me she would. slowly they all told me she never said anything to her. she still swore until a few days ago when i blocked her that everyone else was lying except for her.
but instead i would like to get straight to the point.
a few days ago, one of her friends messaged me with hate in their mind, with misconceptions she had fed them. this was someone she always spoke very poorly about and someone that she had known for over ten years. it wasn’t until i mentioned she told me they were no longer friends that i was THANKFULLY able to get my say in.
after hours of talking, she sent me screen caps of what horribly twisted and disgusting rumors were told to her about me AS this person was shipping with me, was speaking to me 24/7. i want to address those here, and yes, WITH screen caps to back my case because that is something Ellory could never provide to back up her claims. whether you click on the links to the screen caps is up to you, she has abandoned both accounts mentioned in them as she often does when her lies are found out. not all of them will have caps attached as they aren’t the main rumors and weren’t worth posting, and the ones that had more grotesquely romantic nature are too inappropriate to post(though i have no reason to protect her any longer), or they are side ones I’ve had brought up to me over the months. ACCUSATIONS / PROOF i am a dangerous person, i have guns and she’s afraid i will hurt her.
the fact i have to compromise my privacy to answer this is appalling, but she already shared my full legal name with her friends for no reason when we were very much on good terms - so i do not have any privacy any longer. my family collects weapons, as they’re a typical farm / southern living household. yes, i have some of my own. she expressed interest in that, sexualized the weapons, and inquired over photos of them on multiple occasions.
what disgusted me most about this one, is that she took words that i told her my ex OOC used to slander me during a toxic breakup and said them as though they were her own. she coached me through my PTSD over my ex, whilst simultaneously quoting it to her friends and burying the knife deeper. i had no idea until a few days ago. it’s been NINE MONTHS. she’s taken my OOC trauma i have confided in her, and she has made it her own for some sick game or something to talk about.
she claimed i was obsessed with her, that if she wouldn’t reply fast enough i would become suicidal.
this one is truly puzzling to me, as i often left her on read or ghosted simply because i am not good at constant conversation and any of my friends can tell you that - or i would be focusing on affairs outside of roleplay. i loved talking to her, but she would often send me double messages when she was out with friends or when she needed attention. i never minded because i liked her, but as someone who contacted her AND ONLY HER when i chose to place myself in a mental hospital for suicidal thoughts at the abuse of an ex and other issues OOC, i’m a little insulted.
though i guess i shouldn’t have been too surprised, considering she told me her ex love interests also became “ suicidal when not receiving attention. “ i don’t know why i believed i would be exempt from her incessant poor talking of other people. actually, once i even asked her if she talked sh*t about me the way she did all her friends. she told me no. i have since sent screen recordings of our conversations to those who heard this rumor that visibly prove that her claims were bullsh*t. i could post screen caps where she's double messaged me, but what's the point. so here's a recent message when she claimed she didn't have discord anymore.
TRUTH.
she isn’t attracted to me, she’s afraid i’m going to try and meet up with her when she visits my state.
i have met multiple people from roleplay, by MISTAKE. they all know i hate overlapping boundaries, and one of my biggest fears in us talking ooc was losing my favorite writing partner. only a handful of times did i say i might be cool hanging out with her, after SHE told me she wanted to hang out or wished i was there. this is someone who has sent me multiple private nude photos, who has sent very detailed and grotesque messages of all the things they wanted me to do to them ooc. i’ll leave this brief as i’m not a gross person and have no desire to expose her sexting me while simultaneously complaining about me, but i’ll leave a few screen shots here that quickly dismiss this claim such as her telling me the dates she would be in my state, and her saying how she wishes i lived there so she could photograph me and how attractive she thought i was after sending her a photo.
ACCUSATION. | TRUTH. - TRUTH. - TRUTH.
my personal favorite:
she had to cut me off - pray for her, if she winds up dead you know what happened.
now this, this one can speak for itself with screen caps FOR THE MOST PART - but a backstory. when we both admitted feelings for each other ooc, she was prepared to book a flight to see me immediately. i told her to slow down, that i don’t want to commit to a relationship as i don’t even know her ooc very well and vise versa and i had recently moved back in with family. she pressured me numerous times on if i could answer her or not, and when she sent the message in the screen cap on 4/20/2019 saying that - it was actually her messaging me basically saying if i couldn’t give her a solid answer on a relationship she couldn’t flirt anymore.
ACCUSATION. | TRUTH. 4/20 - TRUTH. 4/20 - TRUTH. 4/30 - TRUTH. 4/30
it blindsided me, because we had JUST had the conversation the day prior, about how i wasn’t ready to commit to an ooc relationship. she said it was fine, no pressure. then i was sent the message about uncertainty while i told her i was with friends and family. i complied, told her i didn’t want her to settle for someone who isn’t interested in a relationship. she immediately back pedaled because i didn’t give in to her request and began to compulsively message me claiming she was just drunk and didn’t mean it. a week later(4/30) i am the one who told her, with no exceptions, that we needed to stop talking how we were. it wasn’t fair to lead her into thinking we might be in a relationship when i did not want to commit and i did not want to hurt her. she begged me not to. back to the entire night after SHE messaged me(4/20) she sent me multiple unintelligible messages and brings me to my next point:
arguably the most f***ed up one:
i asked where she went last night because i didnt have service and i threatened to put a pistol in someone’s mouth.
i think this one makes me the most angry. it makes me angry because i am not a violent person, but i am protective over my female friends when they are being sexually assaulted. this was the same night as the messages i referred to where she was drunk. she messaged me all night with the exception of when she fell asleep, didn’t lose service for more than a few minutes(maybe half an hour tops, but kept talking to me the entire time) and kept me updated with her night. the only time i 'freaked out' was after she said the dude was trying to assault her and she dropped off, because she passed out. i was SCARED for her life. she told me someone’s boyfriend was trying to sexually assault her. i asked where she was to pay for and send her an Uber and get her out of there as she was too drunk to drive. i threatened the man she accused of sexual assault. i won’t say much more on this because it’s absolutely infuriating to me and if the caps above from the same day don't taint her credibility, idk what else does. this was a series of messages of her being obliterated and i don't want to embarrass her, but here's the truth.
ACCUSATION. | TRUTH. - TRUTH. - TRUTH( and this one breaks my heart (-: ). --- i have access to her private information, i have photos of her and videos and i have her social media handles, but i am NEVER going to give those up or compromise her safety outside of character - as she so carelessly has done to me(so please, if she’s given my info to you, kindly ignore it. we all have too much going on ooc to deal with this) and i STILL f***ing love her as a person, because it takes someone entirely ripping me apart for me to finally call it quits. however, i don’t mind leaving her discord handle uncovered because i do not mind her online persona being exposed, as no one should endure the abuse i have and maybe it will bring closure to others she has hurt. and - as i said, the moment i sent her proof of her actions she abandoned them as to avoid her problems. twice.
i just want this to end. i’m horrified at the thought of any more misconceptions being spread and of them retaliating even though I’ve provided the utmost proof and patience. i’m scared that still, after discrediting everything that has been said, that it will never end. but at least i can say i tried. i haven’t named her friends, i haven’t named the accomplices - and i hope that if they read this, they see the truth. if they don’t, they’ll out themselves and there’s nothing i can do to prevent that. so if you are one of the accomplices, i hope you silently take this time to re-evaluate your choices.
my discord is always open if you want to apologize and start over.
for 10 months i have been slandered. i have had people angrily message me. people message me surprised i’m not this horrible person they thought i was. and i stayed silent. i have wondered what i have done wrong. i have wondered what’s wrong with me and beaten myself up. i have lost sleep and not eaten.
for 10 months, i have poured all of my kindness and protection into this person. i have helped them through hard times, told them my trauma and listened to their own, listened to them continuously be the victim and complain about everyone surrounding them with no questions until the end. the last few months were distant, as i became irritated hearing her complain about people she chose to put herself around - but i realize now, if she can talk about them that way, how could i never see that she did that to me? the entire time. even now, i tried to reach out and give her a chance to explain and make it right so that maybe we could find her psychological help: again, I’ve been ignored because she ran away from the problem with no solution.
for 10 months, when i did finally reach out for help i got reprimanded. when i needed someone to validate i wasn’t f***ing crazy, i got threatening and hate filled messages by elitist roleplay accounts who she kept whispering to.
that ends today.
if you disagree with my including her characters name, i had no other choice.
if you disagree with me posting this, i had no other choice.
this is a dent in her reputation compared to the grief and torment she has caused me. to the way i have been exiled and written off by strangers who have never spoken to me. i do not wish her any ill harm, and honestly - i hope that she is able to find a new muse and may start over fresh. i hope that she never puts anyone through this again. please do not come for my personal life and please, i still ask of everyone, do not go for hers.
jameson parker is my child, and i refuse to give this place up and stay quiet during psychological abuse and manipulation any longer. to those who read this all of the way through, thank you. to those who helped me stay strong when i broke down, thank you. to anyone who was confused when i started posting emo statuses with no context, thank you for baring with me. to Ellory and her friends who’ve tried to ruin me, thank you. i’ve learned now to stand up for myself.
- Jameson’s mun.
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