Clint didn't like to think of the time when Loki had him under his control. Mostly he remembers the pain of it all, being broken and unmade. His broken pieces shaped into something not himself. It still woke him up at night. Kept him up for days on end until he was so exhausted that he could no long keep his eyes open.
He knew now, that it hadn't been Loki...that he had been controlled himself. It had taken a long time but he had come to terms with it and he no longer panicked when he saw the god. He didn't break out in sweat and want to puke. Clint had come a long way with it all. And if he was still kept up by the occasional nightmare, eh well no one had to know.
Tonight he was up late, sitting in the attic because it was the highest point in the house and he could watch everything around him. Something had startled him today. He had been in town and someone had shouted out, "Try to remember!!".... They were talking about something in the grocery store or whatever but it made him stop dead in his tracks. He felt himself break out in a cold sweat and he had hopped back in his truck and headed home, errands completely forgotten.
It had been six months since he had left everything behind. He still called and kept in touch with everyone but he needed the time away. He wasn't helping anyone by being this broken around them no matter what they said. They deserved to live their lives in happiness.
Try to remember.....
Clint sucked in air and fell from his seat to the floor. He remembered now...
The first moments of being bent to Loki's control had been excruciating, he had fought all the way down, but eventually he had been defeated. After that felt like eons of pain. Watching himself from inside as he killed so many people. He couldn't stop the screams ripped from his throat. If there was a hell, this surely was it.
And then suddenly, from one breath to the next it was gone..a flash of green and he wasn't in pain. He felt arms around him and he turned to find Loki holding him up. He began to struggle, but his hold tightened.
"Shhh Little Hawk, Im not going to hurt you."
"Says the man who is in my head right now making me do things against my will!" Clint spat out but he had stopped moving. He was too tired to fight anymore.
"As much as I hate to admit it and believe me I do loathe it, I'm under control too. God of Mischief I may be but I don't actually want to rule Midgard. You humans may have it, you've wrecked it beyond redemption anyways."
Loki eased the hold but didn't let go.
"So if you're under control, how are you doing this?" Clint was confused.
"I am a god Little Hawk, I am capable of many things. This was just a brief despite for you so your mind didn't break. They will need you to defeat me, well controlled me. I'd explain it to you more, but you won't remember this anyways. Now brace yourself, your spider is coming to save you. Very dedicated to you is she. Perhaps one day we shall meet again without the Chitauri in the middle."
Clint tried to say something, anything but Loki released him and down into the fire he went once more until everything went black....
Clint woke to Natasha watching over him and the rest was history.
Clint came back to himself, in the attic alone. Flat out on his back as he stared up at nothing. He remembered all of it now. Things began to make sense now. In all the dealings he had had since with Loki, there was a look he would give Clint, like he was looking for something, yet never spoke of it. Now he knew why.
He picked up his phone and called a number.
"Yea hey....no I'm fine I promise. Hey listen...do you know where I can find Loki?"