* // journal entry 001.
sometimes i think that this world is doomed because it breaks my heart to admit and see how much healing needs to be done. sometimes i stop myself from facing the truth of where i am or what this world has to offer regardless of negatives or positives. i want to know that there will one day truly be peace. and i know in some spaces, that can be done.
why does corruption exist? that’s what i really ask myself every day in the face of all this petty bullsh*t american politics. and then i expand my view out even further and i think about how, in comparison to the entire planet, the little greed and vice that i’ve seen... is benign.
could you imagine me, in the face of blatant corruption? i haven’t experienced anything so dense myself and i’m already mortified enough. even just knowing.
it startles me the depth of how horrid the pockets we have in untouched countries. countries suffering from a severe lack of foundational love and sense and togetherness.
i’ve never been so affected. i’ve barely seen or known any explicit trauma at all. and if you can see it..
if you can know it...
then you have to fight back with love.
you will win.
at this healing game of love. use the system to your advantage. all severity surrounding the immediate sincerity and lack of caked on rancor. leave that all at the door.
would i have been able to survive the anger and malevolence? would i ( eye-- or rather-- the pureset part of me ) be able to survive?
sometimes i wish i was faceless. that way you’d look beyond me, beyond my ego, beyond it all and to the heart of it. bypass the self.
i know it’s hard to. but there are larger things in sight.
i have to fight and battle against being derisive. i want to change the path, the expectation. i shouldn’t be feared. i don’t want to be.
i just want to love. finally. intrinsically. love.