In the Dark
IN THE DARKWWW.ROLEPLAYER.ME/1362290Kaydel and Evaan“You refuse to remember but cannot forget.”
Her refusal to speak about her losses, about her parents, clearly came as no surprise to the older woman, though Kaydel had expected nothing less. Even if she hadn’t been so blunt in her speaking, Evaan knew how to read people, how to read her, and her reluctance wasn’t exactly hidden. It had been obvious since Hosnian Prime was lost. Though Evaan backing down so quickly was somewhat of a surprise and Kaydel was momentarily at a loss before scrambling to keep her stoic mask in place as she watched the emotions flicker through Evaan’s eyes. For a moment she almost wanted to talk, but Evaan’s acceptance of her denial made it easier to nip that desire in the bud before she could make the mistake of actually doing so.
“Why don’t you get some sleep?”
Words she hated to hear from anyone and hated even more to comply with, but the ones that followed made it clear that it wasn’t optional that she do so, so she kept her protests to herself. It wouldn’t do any good to argue, whether she agreed or not. Whether she wanted to or not. Sleep was the last thing she wanted, or, more precisely, the dreams that often accompanied it. So, she avoided it as long as she could. But, Evaan was right. Everyone needed sleep and she was beyond that point herself. She didn’t salute, but her nod conveyed basically the same thing. She was only going to follow an order she had been given.
Turning on her heel, she made her way to the back, her small bag slung over her shoulder, as she searched out the aforementioned bed. When she found it, she tossed the bag onto it before dropping down beside it. Pawing through the bag briefly, she pulled out her datapad and slid a small card into the slot before powering it up and entering her password. Silence and alone time meant opportunity to sleep, but it also meant time to record information that her heart didn’t want to be sharing. An added torture to the known reasons for her avoidance of such time that she couldn’t voice had she wanted to and therefore couldn’t escape from.
Her fingers flew across the screen as she added to the already heftily sized file, her expression cool and calm as the information was saved and the card popped out once more. It wouldn’t do to get caught, no matter how much she wanted just that. Sliding the card back into hiding, she replaced the datapad in the bag and curled up on the bed, closing her eyes. Let sleep come and do its worst. It couldn’t be harder than her waking hours.
Woken by the announcement that they were approaching their destination, she blinked back into reality, allowing unremembered nightmares to swirl away to the recesses of her mind. After a moment of reorientation, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and got to her feet to head back to Evaan. Her first view of the planet outside sent a cold shiver down her spine. It was so…dark. She had come to hate the dark and all the possible things it could hide. But, the light could hide things, too. You just had to know where to look. Shaking that line of thought away, she moved to Evaan’s side, listening as they were allowed clearance.
She listened as Evaan advised her to stay sharp, which she would do anyway, a frown marring her features briefly as she uttered the dreaded words: I have a bad feeling about this. No one ever wanted to hear that, much less to feel it. To have it confirmed that she wasn’t just being antsy or paranoid was not as reassuring as one might think. “At least I’m not the only one.” She murmured the words quietly, but knew they were heard in such close proximity as she and Evaan were.
Before she knew it, they were setting down on the designated landing pad, getting ready to embark on whatever this mission had in store for them. Studying the members of the greeting party as they approached, her gaze landed on a girl her own age, a girl she did indeed recognize. She knew that other families, other friends had been lost with Hosnian Prime. She had never thought her own suffering was unique or unshared. But, to see someone else suffering the same loss…it was a punch to the heart that she was trying to harden against the world. That was only going to get harder when she spoke to the other girl. And she would. Of course she would. She wouldn’t turn down such an assignment. Even if Evaan’s expression said she could do just that. That it would be understandable if she found herself unable to confront such a loss in someone else.
“I can handle it.” Her chin lifted with determination before she nodded, as if to confirm it to herself and Evaan both. “I’ve got this.” Another confirmation, or perhaps an attempt at convincing herself, the words were almost too soft to be heard and likely meant to go unacknowledged. Her shoulders went back as she stood up straighter, making sure she herself was as presentable as possible. It wouldn’t do to step off the ship looking like a ragamuffin or a child or anything less than absolutely capable of handling a meeting such as this. And she was capable. She would do this. She could do this. She could make Evaan proud, or at least make sure she didn’t regret her choice of companion for this little adventure.
Taking a deep breath, she nodded one last time to indicate she was ready. “Let’s do this.”."I have a bad feeling about this."