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Gender: Male
Age: 39
Sign: Virgo
Country: United States

Signup Date:
July 04, 2015

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06/08/2017 06:50 PM 

It isnt real....

                               


"It isn't real..." I whispered and smiled.

I wished it was. I wished it was so bad!
But I knew I was dreaming. I wasn't really there. I couldn't be! I'd always been different. I knew when I was dreaming and I wasn't afraid of nightmares. The night terrors, the demons that had tried to chase kids in their dreams, they could never hurt me. I didn't fear them. Not like I did my Father.
Not like I feared waking....
Here... I was free! Like the birds flying high above me in the sky.

It was beautiful here....though I wasn't sure exactly where here was!
Large limestone brick walls, rose up; cloaked in sprawling ivy around me. The wind, the air. Even the water and the whimsical plants seemed to sing a silent lullaby to my mind....
There was a tree. It was in the largest pot I'd ever seen.
 It was magical!...It had to be! Its leafs twinkled as the sun glistened through its eaves casting a golden glow upon it's boughs and trunk.
It spoke to me. I couldn't hear what it said...I could feel it. I wanted to touch it. I wanted to touch it so bad!
Tentatively, I slowly stepped forward. Scared that if I ran, I might wake.



It was the blue sculpture! I knew it was. It had to be!
I'd been crying. Hugging it tightly to my chest and wishing it could bring my Mother back to me. And as sleep had began to take me...I'd felt my body relax. And like the ripples upon the sculpture, I'd rode the waves to the shore....to this shore.

Lifting my head I gazed around me. I hadn't noticed before.. but the walls had strange engraved symbols in them, as did the paved courtyard beneath my bare feet.
They almost seemed alive, the way the stones seemed to grow; weaving out from around them.
I wanted to touch them. To run my fingertips across the small indents and ripples....but not as much as I wanted to touch the tree!
It beckoned to me....
'I was safe...that I was home...'

Intrepidly...I stepped forward, stretching out my arm, my fingers... Its bark was smooth, warm beneath my fingertips and for a moment I was sure I'd felt the tips of my fingers tingle!...
"Your magic...." I heard myself whisper "Is that why your not in the ground?"
I stepped up to the pot and tilted my head to the side, curious, when suddenly the silent melody was broken by the sound of voices.

Children, they were talking, laughing! I could hear their footsteps coming closer. I could hear a man. His voice was gentle, calm. Not condescending... But I was afraid. Afraid they would find me. That they would see the bruises upon my body...my face. I was afraid they would tell me I didn't belong... that I had to leave.... That it was time to wake.

Quickly I turned and ran, wedging my small, skinny body between the wall and a curtain of ivy.
It wasn't real. I wasn't really there... I couldn't be! ...They wouldn't see me!....But still I found myself holding my breath- just to be sure!

I couldn't really see them as they came closer. The ivy it blocked most of my view.  I wished I could see better! I wanted to move it, just a little.... But  dare'nt!
The kids...they sounded around my age...and the man he wore strange robes. The colors in a way reminded me of Amity, earthy colors! Not like the dull grey of Abnegation that I wore each day.
Amity were kind. He, this man, he sounded kind...
Quickly I scrunched up my face and closed my eyes tight! Yelling over and over again in mind. 'It's not real.. It's not real!"
It wasn't that I wanted it to end....this dream, this perfect place... I didn't!
I just didn't want to be reminded of home. I didn't want to feel selfish for wanting things I didn't have.

I wasn't sure where they'd gone. But when I opened my eyes, I couldn't see them. I couldn't hear them any more.
Cautiously I edged my way out from behind the vine and quickly looked around me to make sure I was again alone...
"Master?".... It sounded weird, but I was sure I'd heard one of the kids call the man it. I glanced towards the tree. I wanted it to explain and part of me...knew it could!
Silently I made my way back over to the big pot. "Master..." I whispered again and lifted my head to watch as the leafs danced lazily in the sun.

"I wanted to brave. I wanted to always be honest, intelligent and selfless....I wanted to be kind! I just wasn't sure I knew how... There was no one now. I had no one to be kind too...
Maybe that was why I reached out. Why I wrapped my arms around the tree and whispered quietly 'I love you...' But that moment...For that moment...I was swept away, like one of its twinkling leafs upon the breeze.
Whirling and dancing through an endless sea of stars and each beholding millions of voices. Millions of life's, all singing in harmony... connected within a lullaby. A Force!

My heart was racing. I could feel it pounding in my chest as I let go and dropped to kneel in front of it's large pot.
"But I don't want to go back not yet....I feel alone!"  I pleaded
"If I'm quiet...If I really good can I stay just a little bit longer.?..."



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