Because it is my name! Because I cannot have another in my life! Because I lie and sign myself to lies! Because I am not worth the dust on the feet of them that hang! How may I live without my name? I have given you my soul; leave me my name!
NO STORY LIVES UNLESS SOMEONE WANTS TO LISTEN
Time doesn't always heal, even though new skin grows over the wound. Some memories are a bruise buried deep under that skin. On the surface, I here is nothing to see, but if somebody touches it, however lightly, the pain comes back.
𝘽𝙚𝙘𝙖𝙪𝙨𝙚 𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙡𝙙 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙣 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙, 𝙮𝙚𝙩 𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙡𝙙 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙖𝙣𝙮𝙬𝙖𝙮
I’ll hold the hand of the clock we used to play with, turn it back until we have time left, And tell you all the things I didn’t get to tell.
Everything that he loved faded, as though poisoned by his affection; everything he touched died.
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
But I don’t bother to correct them. Because, frankly, I'd rather see someone happy because what they think about me is right than see someone upset because they know the horrifying truth about myself.
His greatest comfort was in hugging his torment ; and in feeling it.
❝We used to wonder where war lived, what it was that made it so vile. And now we realize that we knew where it has lived all along, that it is inside ourselves.❞
"I just need not to fear anymore. I just need a nap and for once without nightmares. I need the old me back. The egoistic, workaholic, self-centered, heartless bastard. The cold one who never cared who would stay or who would leave."
A We know each other, crack and flaw- Like two irregular stones that fit together
➤ After the demon Azazel killed their mother, Mary, both Sam and Dean were raised in the hunting life by their father John. Sam left the hunting life to pursue a career in law, and most likely would have married his college sweetheart Jessica Moore.
➤ At the series' start, Sam was reluctant to start hunting again. When Jessica was killed, he was pushed back into the hunting life. However, he has been repeatedly known to try and back out of hunting in the hope of finally having a normal life as he wanted.
Sam is usually kind, empathetic, intelligent and independent. In the 200th episode, he is described as 'sweet, brave, selfless Sam'. He is often the exasperated voice of reason in his relationship with Dean, who in turn sees him as a geek or prude, and teasingly calls him "bitch," to which Sam usually responds with "jerk". Dean has respect for Sam as a hunter and trusts Sam to "have his six". Sam is repeatedly telling Dean that killing humans is wrong and he does not enjoy the job as much as Dean. However, in later seasons he has not hesitated to kill humans when necessary and even led an assault to wipe out the British Men of Letters American operation despite them all being human due to the threat they posed. He was even poised to shoot the unarmed Doctor Hess due to the threat she represented before she was killed by Jody Mills instead. He does not seem to drink alcohol as much as Dean does and has a much healthier diet than his brother (Dean scoffs at Sam's diet and calls it "rabbit food"). According to Dean, Sam's blood type is O negative as said in the episode Red Meat. Sam also has a phobia of clowns, due to his brother often leaving him at Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie when they were children. This is not helped by the fact that every time they have encountered a clown in the show, it has tried to kill them. Sam can become a very different person when Dean is dead, as evidenced by his change in Mystery Spot and what is shown in I Know What You Did Last Summer, becoming almost psychotically angry.
Sam has phenomenal mental power. This is most evident in Swan Song, where he is able to mentally overpower possession by Satan himself to stop the apocalypse. Other incidences include My Bloody Valentine, in which Sam is able to resist Famine's temptation and not drink more demon blood, exorcising the demons and incapacitating Famine instead.
Because of his intelligence, Sam is usually assigned the role of researching information for hunts; he is the "brain", whilst Dean is the "muscle". He normally remembers details that Dean overlooks and is prone to make connections quicker than his brother. He also knows a great deal of information that causes Dean to label him a "walking encyclopedia of weirdness". In college, Sam scored a 174 out of 180 on his LSAT, which Jessica Moore noted was "scary good" in the series pilot. In spite of their bickering, Sam has looked up to Dean since they were children and knows him better than anyone else. He tries to get Dean to open up about his emotions and problems, and encourages him to take care of himself; on several occasions, he has even been frustrated by his brother's fixation on placing Sam's well-being above his own. However, Sam shows similar protective tendencies towards Dean, particularly after Dean makes his deal and returns from Hell as a shadow of who he used to be, to the point that Sam's memories of Dean allowed him to regain control of his body while possessed by Lucifer. Sam tends to be driven by feelings of anger and vengeance.
As a teenager and even as a young man, he argued with his father constantly whenever they were together. Sam wanted to live a normal, "apple pie" life instead of continuing to hunt, which led to most of his arguments with John and his estrangement from his family at the beginning of the series. However, Dean once stated that despite his own best efforts to be like John; liking the same music, clothes and cars; being the good son, the soldier and the Hunter; Sam always has been and always will be more like John than Dean is. Sam and John clash and argue so much because they are so similar. Sam does not take this as a compliment, and it is clear that while Dean truly idolized his father, both boys are not always overly fond of their father due to his secrets, mysterious actions, and his strict treatment and upbringing of his sons.
After Jessica's death, Sam became fixated on vengeance but still held out hope for eventually returning to Stanford. Early in Season 1, Sam was more focused on finding Jessica's killer than he was on following John's instructions on which hunts to take, something that often put him at odds with Dean. He was obsessed with revenge, and was even willing to sacrifice his life to kill Azazel, although he ultimately proved that he valued Dean's life over the demon's death in Devil's Trap.
After John's death in In My Time of Dying, Sam focused all of his attention on hunting instead of returning to a normal life. He felt guilt for angrily confronting his father in his final moments and for not realizing that he had been planning on sacrificing himself. Sam put all of his energy into doing what he thought John would want him to and kept trying to get Dean to deal with their father's death in a healthy way. After the reveal of John's ultimatum to Dean and the discovery of the other "special children", Sam became terrified that he would somehow turn evil. He made Dean promise to kill him if anything were to happen. Everything came to a head in All Hell Breaks Loose - Part 1, when Azazel placed all of the special children in a death match. Sam was killed (metaphorically and literally stabbed in the back) because he refused to murder another human being, but when Dean brought him back to life by selling his soul, Sam killed his murderer without hesitation. Azazel implied to Dean that since he was resurrected by a demon deal, he may not truly be "100 percent pure Sam", which Dean would also come to question himself when Sam killed Casey when Dean told him to stop, as he wanted her alive. After finding out Dean had made the demon deal, Sam declared that he would save his brother no matter what.
In Season 3, Sam spent most of his time trying to save Dean from his deal. He became frantically obsessed with doing everything he could to stop Dean from going to Hell - even going so far as to try to convince Dean to turn them both into monsters and harvest organs for their survival in Time Is On My Side. Sam kept struggling to come up with some way to save his brother to the very end, but ultimately wasn't able to. To his horror, he was forced to watch helplessly as hellhounds tore Dean apart and was distraught at holding his dead brother's body.
Following Dean's death and condemnation to Hell, Sam became so fixated on avenging his brother and killing Lilith that he almost turned himself into a monster. Due to his grief at Dean's death, the demon Ruby was able to manipulate Sam into a sexual relationship and convinced him to start drinking demon blood, claiming it was the only way he would be able to avenge his brother. Sam drank so much that he became an addict; showing the same symptoms and going through an immensely torturous detox (at the start of season 5, Sam's addiction is gone, but momentarily returned in My Bloody Valentine, exacerbated by Famine, and later has to drink a great deal in order to house Lucifer in his body). Even after Dean returned, Sam was unwilling to let the desire for vengeance go and he continued the affair in secret. Sam was repeatedly warned by Dean and Castiel that he was making mistakes, but he disregarded their advice, believing that he was the only one who could stop Lilith from releasing Lucifer.
As he previously hunted alone for months, Sam became more understanding to his father's training him in hunting. This was best seen when the Winchesters met their half-brother Adam Milligan whose mother went missing because of a monster and he tried to teach the latter how to hunt, despite Dean's protest.
After Zachariah manipulated a fake voicemail message from Dean, saying that he didn't love Sam anymore and was planning on killing him, Sam decided to take Lilith down on his own in a possible suicide mission. Sam was able to defeat Lilith with his powers, but didn't realize that Ruby had lied to him and that Lilith was actually the final seal to unlock Lucifer's Cage. And as a result of his arrogance, Sam ended up being the one to release Lucifer from Hell and begin the apocalypse.
Sam felt extremely guilty over his role in freeing Lucifer throughout the majority of Season 5, and spent a large portion of his time trying to make amends. He also took responsibility in his part of starting the apocalypse. In Sam, Interrupted, Sam confessed that he always felt angry and he didn't know why; as well as the fact that he tended to blame other people for his anger, instead of accepting it as a personal flaw. In Swap Meat, when he temporarily switched bodies with a teenaged boy and was forced to lead said teenager's life, he told Dean that the boy's ordinary life "sucked", and seemed to decide to forgo normal life in favor of being a hunter. In Swan Song, Sam's desire to set things right finally culminated in him sacrificing himself to save the rest of the world, throwing himself into the Cage with Lucifer and Michael in order to protect his brother. It was thought that Sam would be trapped in the Cage forever, but the final show of season 5 reveals that Sam is not in the Cage at all, but on Earth, alive.
At the start of season 6 (one year later), Sam reveals himself to Dean, and they begin hunting again. However, Sam's behavior markedly deviated from what was typical for him; he leaves Dean to to live with the Braedens while he hunts with Samuel Campbell for a year, letting Dean think he's still in Hell, spends the night with a prostitute, and most peculiarly, lets Dean get turned into a vampire in order to find a nest. Even his overall demeanor is different, being much calmer and more collected than before, even when greeting Dean after being separated for a year, he did so as if he just saw his brother the previous day. This leads Dean to momentarily believe Sam was still possessed by Lucifer. However, it is later revealed that, whilst his body and mind are not in the Cage, his soul is. During the time that Sam was soulless in Season 6, he lacked empathy and behaved like a sociopath. Without any emotions or sense of morality, he was often willing to overlook the deaths of civilians as collateral damage, such as urging Dean to snipe the skinwalker pack leader despite there being innocent people in the way, and killing all the arachne victims with the rationale that it would take too long to get them to hospital, which was an extreme departure from Sam's normal desire to help people and protect the innocent. He was also much ruder and snarkier than before, verbally attacking Castiel for ignoring his prayers, taunting Buddy with dog jokes and disdainfully mocking Marion for believing in fairies. He was shown to be reckless and impulsive, and in turn being more seductive than before, sleeping with a lot more women than he typically would (even going as far as leaving his search for Dean in Clap Your Hands If You Believe to sleep with Sparrow Jennings), as well as more aggressive, killing a demon aiding them solely on suspicion of his possible betrayal and beating Sheriff Atkins upon being caught out for impersonating FBI. Sam also felt nothing for any of his loved ones, telling Dean point blank that he didn't care about him, as rude in talking to Castiel, and he even tried to murder Bobby in an attempt to prevent his soul from being returned to his body. After his soul was reunited with him, Sam again felt great remorse for his actions and spent the rest of the season struggling to make up for what his soulless self had done.
Who I'd like to meet: